Glory be...

i was in a funny place

went rather numb in an attempt to separate myself from all that was transpiring ... an attempt to shelter my self from the enormity of pulsating reality... but theres always the fear that turning off the emotional switch may become a constant habit rather than just a conditional response to be activated only under great & dire circumstances.

Its a little unnerving to be able to distance yourself from emotional extremes... sooner or later the condition manifests itself without any incitement from within... its a double edged sword... theres never any hurt... but conversely theres never true joy either..

When someone considers the ramifications of cutting themselves off from the emotional forefront of what makes humanity so unbearable and simultaneously so glorious, you can just imagine what they're pondering deep within themselves... its a rare occurance, but one that could happen to anyone..

imagine the overwhelming peace... the unrelenting silence within the soul.. the absence of chaos.. of fear... of disappointment... the sound of silence permeating the core of your spirit... beautifully serene... and as barren...

everything comes at a price.. can love come without pain... is that really the price.. is it possible to be constantly happy... doesnt that come at a price.. is the price worth it... really? is it?

Its hard.. being happy... all the time... its easy finding joy in all small things..
the big things that go wrong are usually so overwhelming they dont even register on the emotional scale.. its the threshold of pain concept.. if the pain exceeds the limit, it wont be registered..

it'll just leave an indelible scarring that will remain for life.. but that will be it.. Its the little things that kill you... the little barbs.. the little thoughtless comments and snide remarks.. and you can control your response to those as well..

But at the end of the whole self defense program... you're left safe and yet very alone... because you've become very selfish..
the ongoing endeavor to shelter yourself from the wrath of the raging world makes you focus solely on survival of your own soul.. your own corner of the big wide world.. and you lose perspective of everything else.. even the people closest to you...

And thats where Prozac and a damn good therapist can come to your rescue :)

sorry... humor.. its a defense mechanism... control nahin hota..


Life is for the living... and if it takes being a little deaf, dumb & blind to make it bearable.. i guess i'll go the extra mile..

tc guyz
Princess of the GemWorld

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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
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