The Chat Client from Hell

Who invented this bloody instant messenger shit anyway…

The first time Murphy ( of the Murphys Law Fame) heard of the quintessential messenger, he immediately presented a new version of the Murphys Law… and it basically worked along the same principal…

“No matter when u log on… only the people u wish to avoid like the plague will be logged on..”

There were various variations in the above law with the passage of time, with the initial part remaining the same… and the second half, being customizable as required.

Some famous examples being :

“No matter when u log on… only the disconnected will be connected”.( heheh.. I hope my editor doesn’t read this too carefully)

And my all time favorite…

“No matter when u log on… if anything can go wrong, it WILL… “

Lol… a mutation of the Murphys Law.. but very aptly applied, and encompasses all online fatalities like getting Hacked, virus attacked, impromptu system shutdowns/failures, frozen PCs J, and the worst of the lot… running into people u love to hate..

It’s the ultimate fatality when you’re busy ignoring the existence of certain individuals, down to their mails and phone calls.. because that parts easy J

“ooh I didn’t see your missed call”

“ooh my phone fell down the drain and the chip got soaked wiping out all the history”

“ooh my mail server deleted all my emails.. “

“ohhh that was YOUR email.. don’t send me viruses in the future.. I don’t appreciate it!”

But well.. you cant ignore someone once see you ONLINE.. and start messaging like crazy .. yikes!

The Verbose Beginnings

Lets start at the very beginning.. a very good place to start… ( Do re me.. ¯.. oops .. wrong story)

Recently I was reading an article … a very lucid diatribe against mobile phones and service providers. Made me crack up completely J. Half the things and experiences the author was relating seems straight out of “A day in the life of… “ well.. me!

The author was also going on about the repercussions of being unable to receive and respond to the abundance of data flowing into her cell phone, especially when the service providers (man I am sooo polite! J) cant be bothered to deliver the goods in the first place. Hence, you end up getting those “hurted” (lolJ) glances from all the people who think you’ve been ignoring them and the “stiff neck” and “cold shoulder” becomes a mainstay of the social whirl J

But that was still doable.. I mean for every new means of communication invented there were a million more excuses to shelter us from them. However, this time.. the means of communication is exceedingly insidious.

They force us to believe that we participate in this unlimited exchange of data.. THROUGH CHOICE!!.. I mean how ridiculous is that. Like anyone would actually WANT to be bombarded by excess amounts of communication hurled their way through cyber space. Its bad enough having oodles of junk mail crowding my mail box, but to have live ammo being aimed for you in the form of data packets… like geez louise!! What will they come up with next!

Since the dawn of the INSTANT (Maggi Noodles.. 5 minutes only ) .. sorry.. Messengers, there hasn’t been a moment of peace. First we had the lovely little thing called ICQ that gained instant popularity. Though several other chat clients of lesser repute preceded that.. But ICQ( I Seek U.. how corny J) was the one that started this craze like wild fire. I mean like … WOW!..

One minute the whole world was happy living in blissful ignorance and all of a sudden ignorance was a thing of the past.. and Anonymity became the name of the game. J I have seen ICQ lists a mile long filled to the brim with contacts that are nothing but mindless illusions created by others with way too much time on their hands. And so it went…

The only problem with ICQ was portability.. an issue which they have now resolved to satisfaction. However, the lag in their response time, made it possible for its most serious enemies .. oooh… Yahoo and MSN to enter the playing field and steamroll the competition. By the time ICQ woke up to the NEW instant, online and ANYWHERE ANYTIME revolution, it was too late. The new kings had been crowned and the rules of the game had already been changed.

As of this moment.. the MSN messenger is the uncrowned king of the virtual world, with everyone else trying to offer better services and more features, but not quite coming up to par. Somehow the simpler interface seems to have gained greater popularity in spite of not having features like offline messaging, archiving, environments, etc. It seems easier also simply because its .. well… Microsoft .. J and already installed on the machine and in your face before you can say.. “chat!”

Plus which if in today’s highly “Wired” world, you accidentally mention that you are in fact NOT the proud owner of a Hotmail account, people will turn around and look at you like you are a throw back from the previous Century. I realize that the previous Century was only two years back.. but it sounds bad dammit!

Currently, being online and well represented in the Hotmail/MSN virtual arena is like a “izzat ka masla”.. an absolute must for any virtual respect J

The Disappearing Act

I don’t have issues or anything. I mean why should I.. its just another method of keeping in touch which further hardens the task of avoidance of the human species. For recluses and anti-social personalities, the instant messenger presented the ultimate challenge. I mean it just isn’t done not be connected.. that is just soo “uncool!”

Yet at the same time.. they abhor the fact that all and sundry could always catch them in the virtual forum, no matter what the time, place, or event.. J But the messengers had yet another trick up their sleeve. OFFLINE MODE!

The glitch in MSN is primarily resident in the inherent honesty of the program itself. It makes it difficult to lie to the virtual world. If u decide to go offline, you are decidedly offline.. no jokes, no ifs ands or buts… most definitely and thoroughly.. OFFLINE..

Its like being a spectator in the stadium, but you cant cheer with the crowd.. Hell! You cant even whisper.. its ridiculous.. That’s where Yahoo supercedes its competitor, by allowing you to hide and at the same time, be present.. heheheh

I like referring to Yahoo in this respect as the DEVIL’s Messenger. It possesses the ability to be invisibly present and still whisper in the virtual arena. J heheh.. The greatest trick the Devil ever played, was to convince people he didn’t exist. But exist he does… and so does Yahoo..

Frankly the most “thaka hua” in this total band of brothers is the AOL Messenger. No offline messaging.. no invisibility cloak.. no archiving. Not even a by your leave. I mean the damn thing doesn’t even ask for authorization. Its quite ridiculous, to say the least. Still its one of the most heavily used chat clients in the US and most of our nearest and dearest there are more often then not available only on this one funny little service. Hence, AOL will also rule its little turf protected by the widely dominant America Online service in the grand US of A.

All in all, with a plethora of messenger services and an unending supply of even more so-called “connected” people, this is a fad, which isn’t going out of fashion in a hurry. So, those of you as yet not on the Virtual Connectivity Band Wagon.. Just Do It! J It may mean the death of solitude in Cyberspace, but hey, anything is better than being “uncool” right!?J

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