Hoobastank & Evanescence

crying today.. big fat salty tear drops ... for days gone by.. for memories lost.. for the whole unbearable question of why life moves on... what it all means..
like the burning question when i watch a soap opera i've been watching for many long years and remember what their lives were years ago and how strongly theyd felt about things and what tragedies had befallen them.. and now they were still there unaffected and alive.. going through more stuff...

befuddled the mind..
and then i sat and thought.. about my life.. my 26 years.. the uneventful past.. the inconsequential tragedies.. the floodgates opened.. the waves of emotions washed over me ... and i was swept away by the sheer joy and the immense sorrow that suddenly pervaded my soul.. so much gained.. so much lost.. so much happiness.. so much pain.. we dont remember the bad stuff.. i started forgetting everything after '97... but even now if i look back over the past 7 years which in my mind i had classified as my most forgettable.. turns out they were also my most memorable..

we arent used to being swept away by extreme emotions when we're young.. whether joyous or saddening... most people start earlier.. i guess 19 is as early as one can get.. it was a new world.. one i didnt particularly like.. transitioning from my One Girl Show to a stage filled with seasoned actors was a nightmare.. the scripts were prewritten.. the players rehearsed and i was plunked smack dab in the middle of the extravaganza when i'd wanted to be a stage hand...

and there was an overwhelming sense of being lost in the maddening crowd.. comepletely.. no sense of direction.. and thats where the flow of life came to the rescue.. that was the moment the "I dont give a shit" philosophy evolved and matured and became the full blown credo for life that it is.. thats when the ten year plan got chucked out the window and got replaced with the 5-day forecast.. that was when a nice well constructed brick wall was constructed around a soft heart and cemented well.. thats when low-risk became the operative word.. and "new" was a substitute for "suspicious"...

through it all when i look back.. i still took risks... i still grabbed new every chance i got.. but the wall stayed up.. and now i have to go...

The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm Not A Perfect Person.
There Are Many Things I Wish I Didnt Do
But I Continue Learning.
I Never Meant To Do Those Things To You.
And So I Have To Say Before I Go,
That I Just Want You To Know

I've Found A Reason For Me,
To Change Who I Used To Be
A Reason To Start Over New,
And The Reason Is You

I'm Sorry That I Hurt You,
Its Something I Must Live With Everyday
And All The Pain I Put You Through,
I Wish That I Could Take It All Away
And Be The One Who Catches All Your Tears,
Thats Why I Need You To Hear
I Found a reason for me
To Change Who I Used To Be
A Reason To Start Over New
And The Reason Is You
And The Reason Is You
And The Reason Is You
And The Reason Is You

I'm Not A Perfect Person,
I Never Meant To Do Those Things To You
And So I Have To Say Before I Go
That I Just Want You To Know

I've Found A Reason For Me,
To Change Who I Used To Be
A Reason To Start Over New,
And The Reason Is You
I've Found A Reason To Show
A Side Of Me You Didnt Know
A Reason For All That I Do,
And The Reason Is You

My Immortal - Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Princess of the GemWorld

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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004