Sweet Home Karachi...

My 1st trip back home after 2 months was surreal.
I felt like kneeling on the tarmac after landing and kissing the scorching ground.

Scorching.. because its still summers in Karachi..
i stared with my eyes wide open at everything.. the roads, the street signs, the trees, shops, round abouts... reassuring myself that everything was where i'd left it.. and every so often i would burst into tears just missing the feeling of belonging to this humming city... i miss my city :(

I had so much on my mind. So many little things niggling the back of my conciousness... i went on a cleaning spree... it cleansed my mind and my soul along with my room..

i threw away project papers from 1999.. i three away old bank statements & deposit slips. I threw away receipts of equipment long expired.. i threw away reems of paper and things collected in the days of youth.. i threw away sooo many pictures which i knew i would never use in my photo album..

There was a time when i knew every single snap in each of my kodak photo albums down to the negative numbers which were obviously catalogued by chronological order. i was very organized. Each picture, taken of course with my nanas fantastic Nikon, was an extension of me.. my memories.. my past.. and sitting there on my bed this fine saturday morning in the hot month of october, i realized i had to let go. I had to move on from all those little moments that had made my life memorable 15 years ago.. (yeah i'm oooooolllddd... sigh)... and i had to concentrate on the moments now... i had to open my mind and start experiencing every second, sight, sound, aroma, the way i used to in my youth...when it all became larger than life..

Even now i can look at a picture, and it all comes back to me, the sea breeze in the back ground, specks of sand floating in the wind, the chill in the winter air, the warmth of the sun ... my favorite and most vivid memories are of the winters.. I used to breathe in the air trying to spot the difference between summer breezes & winter zephyrs... cool weather always served to enhance my senses and i remember the environments in my winter pictures so much more... they still resonate with life...

each moment in time, each snap was a precious memory captured and preserved... until this weekend. I finally realized that i couldnt keep holding on to each & every memory as if i'll never let go..

i also realized that Digital cameras lack character.. they lack emotion.. and because you can take limitless shots you lose value for the picture that you take and snap just about anything.. Digital cameras become an individual pursuit where in your pursuit of excellence you alienate the human race. I've stopped snapping pictures of people ever since i acquired my cybershot since inanimate objects are so much prettier..

Blah... well ... i threw away my childhood. Must have shredded a good 200 or so pictures. Let go of alot of baggage for good as well... friends of yore.. those that were once an integral part of the circle of life, yet now not there arent even wisps of their existence on the periphery of my life.. we move so fast and so far... We also sometimes forget the good and remember the bad in order to nurture our anger and nurse our hurt. And in throwing away all these memories, i finally accepted the fact that certain people, certain moments are only contained within the ephemeral bounds of time... and once their time has passed, theres no point in trying to hold on to them wishing and praying that things dont change and always stay the way they are.. it only results in excruciating pain when you finally have to let go.. because thats the nature of life.. it only moves forward..

Thats not to say, i'll ever forget... thats not to say i wont fondly remember the events and occasions that made my youth as memorable as it was... it still brings a smile to my face... :).. we were crazy and it was awesome...

Lest i start strolling down memory lane again, let me stop right here.. i changed my stance towards my album making... now i make the album for just me.. before it used to befor all the people i knew as well.. now its just me.. i put in pretty pictures i like and i throw the rest away because there isnt enough space in the world for all my crap.

:) take care ppl

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld

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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

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