The end of the road....

I loved this BoyzIIMen song.. wanted to play it at my CBM Graduation and make all my friends cry... yes.. i DO love melodrama..

I seem to be going through a maelstorm of upheavels.. One minute its something, the next its another.. sometimes its the personal front.. another its the professional work-life balance scenario.. then you feel the whole concept of limited time & limited resources vs unlimited needs wants and desires...

we cant have everything we want in life.. we cant. we just cant. when you reach out and take something from the platter of God, you have to put something back. its the whole game of Rummy... thats why i always liked rummy.. its as close to life as one can get.. Poker somehow always seemed the sport of liars and theives. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life holding your cards close to your heart terminally scared that someone might sneak a look and do one over on you..
I know people who dont even like sharing their tailors.. like whats going to happen. He'll dress the rest of us like you and you'll lose your uniqueness? Ever thought about the fact that he has hundreds of other customers and one more wont make a damn bit of a difference. Then there are the women who dont like sharing recipes. Well if it aint your livelihood.. get over it!

My best friend has always shared her tailors with me:) In women thats a trait that should not be easily discounted. It's something of value no matter how silly it may seem. When you share a life with someone, a tailor is a very small thing.

Listening to this new song right now... Aadat . its by a new band named Jaal. Apparently the kids 18 right now.. i wonder what he'll be when he grows up.

In between the goodbye-im-going-away emails and the come-here-so-i-can-tell-you-where-everything-is shouts... i'm at a loss as to how to proceed and where to proceed... my mind is a little puddle of mush ... what with the what will i wear.. must go to the tailor... what do i take... what will i need... how will i live... how tough will the work be.. when will i breathe.. walk... talk.. tv.. guitar.. photo albums.. credit card payments.. shoes...
when did i become so tangled in the fabric of every day life.. its beyond me... this phenomenon was as unprecedented as my birth itself... you wonder why certain things happen... you wonder what your purpose in life is.. but for want of better answers, usually i end up losing myself in the quagmire of life and reality and just living it one day at a time..

Its easier that way... i cant seem to figure out how to be the best at every goddam thing i do... how do i give 200% at work, home & play.. i cant do justice to everything.. and i really want to do well and not have any ripples coursing through any part of the life i have to live... how do u do everything u want and not step on anyones toes in the process...

I guess it all comes down to faith ... i'm just going to throw up my hands to the heavens above and expect God to tide me over all my insecurities and misgivings..

I found this prayer in the Bahai temple in Chicago back in 1997... its the most perfect temple.. with the most perfect calm about it.. perfect peace when you walk through it...
Dear Lord.. Refresh & rejuvenate my Spirit... Purify my heart... Illumine my powers... I lay all my affairs in thy hand..
Thou art my guide and my refuge.. I shall no longer be sorrowful & grieved... I shall be a happy & joyful being... I shall no longer dwell on the unpleasant things in life nor shall i let troubles harass me..
O' Lord.. thou are more friend to me than i am to myself... I dedicate my self to thee O' Lord..

Amen...

Princess of the GemWorld
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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

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