i think life sucks again...

We have been sucked into a vortex of disgustingness.. i hate it..
its disgusting.. i hate hate hate it..

a feeling of powerlessness and impotence.. to change things according to your own will.. its excruciating and nasty.. and every1 marches to the beat of their own drum.. jeez.. why.. just march.. why do u need a beat.. that too your own.. sometimes you should just march to someone else's.

thats what its about.

aaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh...

theres NOTHING.. NOTHING in our hands.. nothing.. why?
why are there expectations when there is no control..

Why is the world so freaking STUPID!

WHY!

i dont know.. all i know is i have 35 more years to live.. Im being optimistic and adding on an extra 5 just in case.. but the way things are going i'll probably croak at 60..

and for the next 35 years i cant imagine having loose motions and stress attacks.. this isnt what my life was meant to be. I'm not sure what it was meant to be.. but i'm pretty sure this wasnt it.. i think..

sigh sigh..
was it? WAS IT??

maybe it was ... maybe thats why it doesnt get any different.. or easier..
but i hate it.. this cant be it..

i will contemplate and meditate on the logic in the universe.. maybe it shall speak to me..

Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Its raining pancakes

So like yesterday i checked my comments and discovered my friend silly sal was in town (Town = Lahore). which was like .. "AWESOME" coz i was dying to go to that pancake house i'd read about in the Daily Times Photo Spread.

i picked her up from fortress and the two of us went off merrily thinking we knew where Defence Double D (DD) market was. I thought it was the whole stretch right after the Ghazi Chowk roundabout, like i think thats where the planet an all are.. i think?!

So we drove there and we went around, avoided a few misdirected vehicles headed our way and finally had to solicit the mercy of a roadside waiter who told us we were in the entirely incorrect geographic zone. He directed us towards the Y-Block.

So off we went.. merrily so.. bumping along Defence's rollicking roads... and ended up in Y-block. Now i for the life of me couldnt figure out how Y-Block could be classified as the DD Market. So we asked again at an estate agent, a trick i learned in Karachi when trying to find houses in Defence there. He told us to go straight till we got to DD. like Double Duh.. anyway.. desperate as we were for any nourishement whatsoever (it mustve been around 9pm) we pushed off again and got to the DD signal. obviously if you want to find something in DD you should stick to the DD road right.. coz thats where everything should (technically!) be. unfortunately that didnt hold true in this case and when we had driven all the way to the Lesco office heading round circle back to where we had began this journey, i finally swallowed whatever little pride i had left and called my Map-Making Directing-Giving Shining-Light-In-Darkness Savior-of-The-Lost-And-Misdirected Master-of-All-Locations-In-Lahore Colleague (Master Sal) and got some much needed guidance.

So we whizzed around and headed BACK to the DD Signal and this time we went straight down the Y-Block road and came to this REALLY deserted place which a little sign stating "The Pancake Lounge" hanging from it. Turned into the little road and we were at this little deserted desert shop.

You'd like to think this story has a happy ending.. wouldnt you.. WOULDNT YOU?!!!.. of course you would. any normal human being would. But it DOESNT!!

we found the place all right.. the Rs95 bucks a PLAIN PANCAKE place.. with maple syrup of course. I as usual wanted to try the Salty Pancake which the dude told me came with a Salad for RS 140 bucks. No Salad. Apparently the chicken & salad are what goes INTO the pint sized pancake. Now if you've ever had a pancake in Europe (like Holland for example) when you order a Pancake for this wondrous amount you get one the size of a dinner plate. When we inquired what the of the pancake would be, obviously envisioning a dinner plate sized concoction, we were told its the same size as a COOKIE... A COOKIE FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

At that point however we were hungry enough to ignore the whole scenario and just order the damn things so we did. One ray of sunshine was that their Menu Board stated that "every additional pancake for Rs.45". So we were like cool. we can order more of what we're eating. However, when we tried getting more, we were told oh only the PLAIN PANCAKE IS FOR RS 45. Everything else is the same price. (Also they didnt serve Banana Pancakes which is like.. blasphemous...)

So i sternly informed them that they should clearly state that on the board because its very misleading. I mean like .. oh whatever.. its not like we're EVER going back.. maybe.. i never like closing doors, but it was a sad experience.

Especially since last weekend or the weekend before that i had made pancakes at home, plain & which cheese. and trust me.. neither equated to Rs. 95 to make a pint sized one.

But thats the world of food. i seriously want to open a bakery cum cafe and put in bunk beds & lazy boy black leather chairs.. It would be the coolest.

Just had a run in with SCB Credit Cards. For one they keep charging you Credit Cover & Smart Wallet Charges regardless of whether you've asked for it or not. Then when i had them Cancelled in MAY i am todate receiving not only the charges themselves but also financial charges on the ones i had cancelled. Like HELL man.. So i once AGAIN for like the umpteenth time called the SCB offices yesterday, obviously i got the Lahore Phone Banking people and this gentleman told me that the request wasnt in the system but he'd put it in and it will all be reversed. However i got my August statement today and OHMYGOD MORE OF THE SAME. DAMMIT. So i called up AGAIN. AND this time some dame called Nazia totally pissed me off by telling me it wasnt in the system and while she could send a request for the Credit Cover Charges of Rs. 0.95 like OHMYGOD and the remaining 7-800 bucks i'll just have to foot. LIKE HELL.

Since Lahore SCB Customer Service SUCKS bigtime.. and i dont think its a Lahore phenomenon cause the Alfalah bank guyz rock.. so i called the Khi number and got this nice girl named MaryAnn. She reversed EVERYTHING. Did i mention I'd also sent the whole odyssey in WRITING on the 21st of July to them as well.. anyway she was a sweetheart and i wanted to tell her that she should teach a few things to her colleagues here in the paindo plateaus...

Anwyay, i tried getting pakoras since it started raining here, but to no avail. what the hell yaar.. i miss my railway crossing wala aalo-key pakoray bananey waley gentleman. Those were da bomb. The best damn pakoras ever.. i miss them.. and their masala. and their piping hot taste ... sigh... funny how something never leave the periphery of your memory..

im racking my brains trying to remember what else happened to me. The sad part is i literally have to refer to the calendar to try to place the days & the dates.. its actually sad.

My Naseer dada passed away this Friday. He was my dadijan's 2nd elder brother. Shes 2 brothers and 5 sisters. he was number 2. he was a naval commander in the Pakistan Navy. He loved new music and always made genre collections like Bhangra cassettes and Shadi songs. He kept everything from old wires to pesticide spray in case someone needed it in the future. I remember he once gave me a roller pen roto something german calendar and i fell in love with the colors and the pictures on it. i still remember that.
May Allah grant him a place in heaven..

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

the battle is won

I just had the longest most arduous cyberspace battle today with a sneaky little search bar from searchweb2.com. it was soooo irritating. it kept installing desk top icons, irrititaing pop ads, search bars galore til i was forced to go through my ENTIRE hard drive, program files, program setting and the entire windows registry, system folders, temp files, etc. all in an attempt to REMOVE the damn thing.

And then i realized the ultimate truth. If i was going through this someone else must have already gone through this and VOILA i was RIGHT.

after googling the damn thing, i realized there were three or four different solutions. tried the simplest one and OHMYGOD it worked. I rock man. ok no. google rocks man. and all those people who look to cyberspace for help. they all rock man.

another nice thing that happened was that i managed to get online on Huqa.com finally. just wanted to see what the damn site was about and it hadnt let me log on til now. its nice. its another orkut. Unfortunately i think orkut has that 1st mover advantage and i dont think i want to shift from that in the long run. its very nice and simple. i like the simple interface. the nice thing in huqa.com was the peanuts. i kinda liked the idea of peanuts and giving gits :)

thats cute. anyway, the weather in lahore is back to the heat. i dunno why it keeps hopping back and forth its very irritating. but its something we have to deal with.

Karachi was beautiful this last weekend. the skies were cloudy. we visited the sea shore near paradise and it was glorious.
the personal front was cloudy too.. one of our family elders is under medical care and we're hoping and praying for a positive and healthy outcome for him.

my return was an odyssey. i was booted off my flight at 5am in the morning since they were overloaded. i slept on the nice airline flat sofas behind the paramount book stall near the ticketing counter. at 7am a bunch of us waited around for the 8am on chance. except 110% of the people confirmed for the flight showed up. so we were all left hanging. finally i lost it and looked around to see what the next available flight was to ANYWHERE. luckily i spotted Faisalabad at 10am and got on chance on that one.

That was lucky break since i already had business in Faisalabad so it all worked out. At this juncture i would like to highly commend the gentleman at the no baggage counter Mr. Asif Ali at the PIA counter who went out of his way to help me and another gentleman every way he could. he issued our boarding passes, constantly followed up with the supervisor to check if the flight was closed so he could board us, guided us as to the extra payments. In between all of that we had a discussion about how he wanted to do his MBA and study further. Very commendable.

Anyway after that whole night of transit, my faisalabad sojourn went very well and after lunch we drove back to Lahore. Suffice it to say that i remember very little of that journey since i was sleeping through most of it. landed at the offices and life continued down familiar paths..

that was that.. sigh.. is this all there is.. i think im tired :)

take care kiddies

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

oh boy oh boy oh boy *quizzical look

Its amazing. I recently discovered that I could email to my blog from just about anywhere and it would be posted and in order to celebrate that knowledge. I did just the opposite. I just disappeared for a long long stretch.

I really don’t know why I do that.

I guess it’s the “what comes easy will not be appreciated” syndrome. I wonder why that happens. All of a sudden it became cloudy in Lahore. I think. I cant even tell the weather anymore ensconced in the 4x4 walls of my cell J I think there’s a movie by that name as well. I think there’s a movie by every name out there. I feel the need to reach out and touch some lives. Orkut to the rescue.. *bleep… bad, bad server. No donut for you… bleep* great !

Now nothing works.
Ohmygoodness
I feel cut off from the world
From reality
From human existence
Ohmygoodness
All because of one malfunctioning server
What do I do
What do I do
Bhuuuuwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh dear oh my..
Sigh sigh sigh

Anyway ive just discovered bit torrents. I actually discovered them a while back as well but had no clue what to do with em so I let it go. Somehow I cant seem to keep a connection going for very long and the modem connections are only going so far.

I keep feeling somewhat all over the place. Its slightly sucky. And a bit sad. Cause I found out something that made me sad. Very sad. Sniff sniff sad. Ive always hated it when there are changes and you have to miss something that was previously an inherent part of your environment. But as they keep telling me.. the only thing constant is change.. yeah whatever. It’s a nice lingo but it sucks nonetheless.

I think the suns come out again. Its not often I get to see it. I think im going to be a hermit in my future existence and develop a healthy revulsion for sunlight. As it is I never get to see it. Its fun. Hmmm.. I am me… that’s who I am. I will not change.

I guess that’s the trick. In all this constant change the only thing you can actually rely on to be consistent is yourself. And I intend on holding onto me.. as in the person that I am with all my might and power. I am a damn nice person. And while I think sometimes that I have come across the scum of human debris I can still rise above the nasty feeling of disgust and look at it with sympathy rather than apathy. That’s a whole lotta meaning in one statement. But seriously… what do you do when you realize that the beings around you are less than the premium quality you would look for before inducting their existence in your already cluttered world.

I have already come across examples where I have decided against anything further than perfunctory how-dos. But its seriously trying.. like having to hold your nose amidst a pile of stinky smelly stuff. Makes you wonder about what logic you’re trying to sell yourself for placing yourself in such a position in the first place. I guess it’s the whole “I’ll compromise to an extent” logic. But why yaar… why?

Why would you want to be in a situation where you’re constantly watching your back?
Isn’t there more to life than just worrying about being stabbed and slaughtered in the shark pool?

What’s the whole idea in the poor working class having to put up with the bullshit of having ridiculously self-obsessed cretins around them whose only objective in life is to further their own Machiavellian interests at the cost of their humanity and others peace of mind?

I think we as individuals.. those amongst us who are laid back peaceful people… just take too much shit and don’t shovel enough out. But in retrospect at the end of the day that’s what makes us the happy joyful losers that we are. And I sincerely believe that at the bitter end as we watch others sail off into the sunset of their misbegotten achievements… we shall have the last laugh.. cause God’s on our side. So there. Take that you infidels.

I am happy. And joyful. Mashallah. And no one.. I mean NO ONE can keep me down for longer than 20 minutes. Unless you really piss me off.. in which case I wont be joyful till I’ve drawn your blood and painted graffiti with it. That only happens to me once or twice a year. But people should seriously try not to piss me off. It’s a piss off when they do.

Oh well… I guess we all have to deal with shit sometimes. Its part and parcel. The only saving grace is to keep detergent handy to wash away the stains and start anew with bright and nice smelling outfits. J

Take care kiddy poos

Cheerios

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Reality strikes once more....

Life is funny... i realize that i've lost all semblance of the honesty of expression i used to display in the past. atleast im honest enough to admit that..

life is funny... there are many things that have happened in the past year and a half that have taken my breath away and made me thank the Lord Almighty for blessing us so many times over.. i feel blessed to the very core of my being..

whether its for him lowering the airline fares making my commuting lighter on the wallet, whether its him introducing new means of communications, whether its him blessing us with understanding love and support.. ive been blessed over and over again.. mashallah..

And sitting here right now over the rooftops of another coastal city.. in a slightly sterile yet comfortable hotel room, i realize that i'm not doing him or myself justice by holding back whatever honesty i have within me.. as usual its not in my control if you judge me.. it doesnt matter if you agree with me.. all that matters is that i had my say.. :)

the Lord works in mysterious ways.. ive had so many examples of his bounty that i am humbled beyond words.. i wont explain the ways and means that he has enlightened me with.. even with all my faith i am still wary of human nature and nazar lagaofication.. Allah mian humain apney hifz o aman mein rakhay..

But for all of you out there who feel even slightly abandoned or miffed with the big guy.. trust me... its just a matter of time before he lets you know the infinite ways in which you are already blessed.. you just have to open your eyes and take a look around.

There have been moments when i have doubted my self.. my abilities to perform my tasks in the different arenas of life... as a human being.. there have been moments when i have been low.. there have been moments where i have snuck into bathrooms and cried my eyes out and come out feeling much lighter.. but at the end of the day when i sit down to count my blessings i end up losing count.. MashAllah..

I challenge any of you to do the same and trust me when you start you'll realize the truth of what i'm talking about.

I'm at another juncture in my life where ive reached a whole new state of mind. its called peaceful contentment. sometimes nothing fazes me out... i think i would attribute this to the positive influence of my colleague next door.. i would count him as a blessing too.. its Gods way of telling me that people can be calm cool & collected and still manage to get all their work done so i should follow suit..

i still dont put any stock in what the world has to say about anything. Its still my life and will be lived according to Gods will and whatever i decide to do with it. i still have a very firm shield against heresay and random barbs shot out from the world at random. I neither encourage this nor participate in it.

And i am still.. for all its worth... happy within the deepest recesses of my soul.. because deep inside i am secure in the knowledge that all that matters is between me and my God.. and no one elses judgements thoughts whims or maliciousness has the power to alter the course of my life as charted out by the Almighty... and with that belief i am forever free..

I've said it before and i'll say it this once again.. you make yourself whatever you want to be. there are no have-to's in life.. only what we convince ourselves we need to do in order to be good in the eyes of the world. The world will always look at its gain first and you last. only you can guide your destiny.. only you can chart your path and make sure it means something.. and sometimes it doesnt have to mean anything.. just as long as you live happy and die happy and havent hurt anyone in between those two points. thats a good life lived..

Micheal jackson may be a funny man.. but in the "Man in the mirror" he captured what so many of us refuse to acknowledge every morning we wake up..

im looking at the man in the mirror
i'm asking him to make a change
cause no message could have been any clearer
if you want to make the world
a better place
take a look at yourself
and make a.... change..

take care kids.. and today.. do something honest..

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD! :p

I had a really nice weekend.. i know ive been gone for a while.. but seriously guyz.. its not like any of you missed my incoherent ramblings anyways.. some of you may have :) which gives me a nice warm feeling in the pit of my tummy :)...

well for better or worse i'm back so deal with it.

And i had a really nice weekend. the biggest thing that happened was that I HAVE JUST FINISHED READING HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. YEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW.. i bought it the day it was released bright and early saturday morning from Paramount next to Aghas.

And i have this kid i met on a plane on friday to thank for it. Story goes.. i was on the flight to karachi and was sitting next to this 18 year old kid who was voraciously devouring as many newspapers as the air hostess could get for him. He'd just finished Dawn and moved on to the daily times when i saw a really small article on the side while shamelessly reading over his shoulder. The words Harry Potter caught my eye and when he started reading Wikkid i slightly moved the newspaper and asked to read the said piece which turned out to be a tirade against JK Rowling stating a blurring of lines between good & evil in her books. Thats when the kid told me that the Half Blood Prince was going to be released tomorrow (saturday) at Liberty books & Aghas and i could reserve a copy there.

At first i thought he was kidding. I mean i had just been raving about the whole Movies being released next door at the same time as in the US and here i was hearing that the biggest most anticipated book of the century (as you can see im quite potty over potter) was being released simultaneously in our great great country ... after the initial increduality and stupefication wore off i was quite pleasantly euphoric.

The kid in question turned out to be a really young looking 26 year old engineer/ex-investment banker now going into buyouts & outsourcing. I tell you kids today are really with it man. We had an interesting hours worth of conversation about business, harry potter, career choices, travel stress, etc. BUt the highlight of the whole encounter was that today i am sittin here after having FINISHED the latest installment of Harry Potter... YEEEEEHAAWWWWWWWWWWW...

Surprisingly the latest installment wasn't as dark and dreary as the Last two or as long. i think the goblet of fire & the order of the phoenix were a bit daunting in sheer size but this one was fluid. In fact i think it actually left me wanting more. i admit im not too happy with the whole dumbledore biting the dust phenomenon.. yeah yeah for those of you who just whacked yourselves on the head for reading my blog before you read the book... LOSERS... ure probably the last few people on earth who havent read it yet.

But otherwise life is good... im in a very happy place. I have this funny feeling of achievement which is directly attributable to the fact that Harry Potter was released in Pakistan at the same time as it was everywhere else across the world. I know i had absolutely nothing to do with it. But the simultaneous release of War of the Worlds and Harry Potter at the same time as the global release has somehow given me a funny sense of hope in these funny funny times of doubt and dreariness. somehow it just felt.. right.

On another flight from Isloo (stuck in economy and thanking God for it.. its tough getting a seat on this sector.. much less a busines class seat).. anyway i ws sitting next to this nice gentleman and the nice gentleman was using Warid which surprised me a bit since i didnt realize the penetration was up by that much.. so i did the prudent thing & asked him why he shifted to Warid.. If the deal was good enough i would have immediately shifted myself. He responded with a "i didnt have a choice with the matter but im very happy with the service". Turned out he was senior mgmt at Warid and they had some really big plans. Good for the consumer i say.

As he was a newly relocated family man to Lahore, i had all the sympathies in the world for him except not having had the euphoric experience of living in Karachi, i guess him & his family have a chance of having a relatively happy life in Lahore. Ahem... not that Lahore's a bad place to be these days.. i mean apart from the stifling stuffiness sometimes, when it rains its paradise for me.

But Karachi... ahhh... nothing can beat Karachi baby.. all wind no rain, but you still have air to breathe.. albiet polluted and less than the highest standard of pureness but airs air man.. you cant be so choosy about everything in life..

or can you /? eyebrow raised.. i think my one eyelid is larger than the other.. i prolly shouldnt say this here.. anyone reading this will forever after be staring at my eyelids.. well.. i always knew i wasnt a model or anything but its freaky having two different dimensions of eyelids.. i think its because i raise one eyebrow so thats developed stronger muscles as opposed to the other one... hmm... is there a cure for this..

i digress.. i actually have had plenty of moments of inspiration but no inclination to pen it all down.. i forgot how easy it was to write in notepad.. thats what i have resorted to now.. because the internet connection sucks most of the time.. it was interesting to note that GPRS on the phone was actually quite efficient and i was pleasantly surprised.. but at the end of the day a keyboard is a keyboard and i like my keyboard.

I am mortally sick of handsfrees.. i mean i think ive gone through about 10 jaali handsfrees for the nokia 9500 by now.. and its not ending anytime soon.. i am perfectly sick of the whole handsfree phenomenon... aaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh.. why cant the handsfrees works.. ok.. thats way too many s'ss in that one sentence...

Ok i be off me darlin's

Cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh

sometimes life can really hit you hard.

i hate reality. i hate all the connotations of reality.

i hate everything that it personifies, everything it

stands for. EVERYTHING... i HATE EVERYTHING!!!!

this is purging of the highest order.. purging the soul

of all the venom inside.. of all my rage and my anger

at the world.. at the hypocrisy it harbors... at the

deceit it veils.. the justification of its inherent meaness..

i hate it..

i hate people.. i hate their contempt. i hate their speculation. i hate the way they think they have the God-Given right to stand and pass judgement on others.. i hate that sometimes i become a part of those hordes by standing by silently and not condemning what they do..

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH....

I'm happy.. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH....
this is just purging... just purging.. nothing more.. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

I hope anyone who dares to bear me and my own any illwill is disintegrated by the wrath of the Almighty where they stand..

feeling quite vindictive..

I hate people who think they can question other peoples lives.. they forget the bloody glass houses saying.. makes one want to caste some bloody boulders and watch the whole damn thing tinkle into oblivion.


Sighhhhhh.. i feel better now :)

Cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

i thought life was perfect

but it never is really.. theres always a dose of reality sneaking about round a corner.. and it hits you as hard as falling 165ft and striking the placid surface of a lake at breakneck speed.

the day is very very nice.. its soft and gray with a cloud cover and a soft drizzle and the last of the winter chill waiting to bid us adieu..

i can hear birds outside inspite of my permanently clogged ears. Im worried about my ears. I feel i shall be saying the same statement when i'm 50 with a hearing capacity not worth mentioning. As it is im difficult to converse with. its an experience that requires alot of patience.

I have a headache. somehow i feel ... fat. no wise ass quips now. its a serious issue. i feel very... shall we say... unfit. theres a polite word for you. And somehow i cant be pushed to do much about it. dammit. sigh. ugh.

I think i miss the ocean. Smelly as it is. i Miss it. i hate the way the sand creeps into your air, the way the sea breeze whips your locks around till they look like a tangled broom. i really dont have much to say about the world at large right now.

I am idealistic. I always have been. I view the world through the lenses of illusion, always hoping against hope that perfection as i would perceive it does exist in this world. Whether i am disappointed or not is not the question. What matters is that i believed in the first place.

I dont think ambition is necessarily a good thing. I believe it holds people back from being happy in the moment. They start living for the future, for how rosy it shall be someday and in the process make every today a bleak unfulfilled reality. Its sad.

I think i'm a contradiction in terms. I can plan out things as dumb as the color of my room 5 years into the future but nothing that actually matters. Because that scares me. I need tea and cookies. I need to mindlessly munch on my soggy solitude. sighhhhh....

ahhhh... sigh ... sweet bliss... rush of mini endorphins... *blank smile on face... suddenly life seems good again...

uh oh.. i think i'm addicted to carbohydrates and caffiene... heheh..

the sun just came out. Its falling softly againt the blinds in my cell block window :) It really looks like one of those cell block windows. lol.. its like 2ft in height and 4 ft in width.. they mustve jailed something here before me :)..

i dont like the sun somehow.. i dunno... i like me though... i think.. sometimes when i dont know me too well.. i like me.. then i remember me the way i am.. its a rude awakening.. sigh sigh...


Every now and then
We find a special friend
who never lets us down...

Who understands it all
reaches out each time we fall
you're the best friend i have found...

I know you can't stay
a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay.....

I'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
if you lose your way,
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.

I don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me,
no matter where I go
and I know that you'll be there
forever-more a part of me and everywhere
I'll always care.....

I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.

and I'll be right behind your shoulder,watching you
I'll be standing by your side, all you do
and I won't ever leave
as long as you believe,
you just believe....

I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true
if life will just be kind
to such a gentle mind
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way
remember me this way.
o.....
this way.(Remember Me This Way, Jordan McNight)

Theres this relatively new band.. i think theyve been around for a year now.. and i really liked this song too..

"Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect (Perfect, Simple Plan)

take care all
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

glitter

sometimes i feel overwhelmed by my own planning.. i am a compulsive TTD list maker.. for the layman thats "Things To Do".. if you have a therapist they will tell you that TTD lists are peoples way of making themselves feel selfimportant and useful. the more items you have, obviously the more work you do.. the more ticks you have on the list, the higher your rate of achievement... and if you think im going to make any disparaging remarks about the TTD lists.. dream on babe.. i LIVE by them..

I love the rush of adrenaline when i get to TICK... TICK TICK TICK... its like a small dose of prozac.. ahhh sweet accomplishment... ahhhh... :) sometimes i just put things like "Buy Soap" and feel soooo happy when i accomplish it... :) sighhhhh... life is truly complete at that moment...

Theres so much happening in life all around me that i dont know where to start. there was a time when i used to have a daily chronicle of everything that transpired in daily existence.. however i have noticed that the time i was MOST diligent in recording my escapades was when i didnt really have any to write about.. i have had pages and pages filled with TV show dialogues (War of the Worlds, Sydney, Mash) and its hilarious.. i love re-reading them cause those were massively happy, hair-not-white times.. and i miss those dammit... I think i have 15 white hair now.. sighhh... age creeps up on you without so much as a by-your-leave.. its sad. it should be taught some manners. humph..

i want a tissue ka lehnga... i cant find nice tissue here... i saw really nice tissue in all these magazines but apparently its all from across the border.. sigh.. i love shiny sparkly stuff :) glitter glitter sparkle sparkle.. i'm the kind of person who would use glitter glue to seal official mail..

Maybe i can get a glittery paint for my room... oh WOW.. that'll be the coooolest.. i leeeoouuuvve glittery shiny sparkly stuff... yessirree do..
:)

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

repetition

i get a strong sense of deja vu sometimes.. no relation to the coffee shop..

its weird. sometimes . right in the middle of a ****load of work suddenly the earth stops spinning on its axis, mind shuts down and thought enters a suspended reality.. everything becomes fuzzy and you get kinda lost in the moment...

Thats when i usually order a piping hot cup of tea and some ... ahem.. chocolate chip cookies and munch in a quiet pensive manner brooding over the vastness of the universe and shortness of deadlines.. its an art... staring into space while munching on a soggy cookie... you have to attune all your senses into that one moment.. it requires focus and dedication.. to shut down all other sensations except for that hot tea n cookies experience bursting upon your taste buds... hmmm.. i should skip dinner..

Its all superficial.. the world at large. i know some people who make it all worthwhile though :) its beautiful... i laugh so hard sometimes i can double over with stitches in my tummy and all about the most innocuous things.. which is amazing... it lightens the tonne of bricks i feel resting on my shoulder blades.. :) may we all be blessed with such friends and colleagues.. i truly believe i am blessed MashAllah.. May Allah continue to bless us all..

Life goes full circle i heard... i think it means life & death... its so cliched isnt it.. of course theres a beginning and an end.. and everything in between.. but theres no finality to life... there are just the moments we live in... and we should push ourselves to the limit in finding the joy in those.. its easy to walk around with a frown on your face growling at everything in your path.. but its downright fabulous to make the effort and bounce around with a smile on your face and really make the world sparkle all around you.. now THAT's something.

I'm tired.. :) but its ok.. sometimes tired is a different kind of fun..

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld


*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004