Holy FOG!

Ok so its like this... i wake up this morning and look out the window and i CANT EVEN SEE THE BALCONY RAILING!

YEESH! the fog enshrouding Lahore in its soulful depths really came into its own this morning. Bye bye PIA flight schedule.. talk about crazy. It really is.
i mean look at this..


Fog on Mian Mir Bridge, Lahore 24th Dec 2004 © Fariha Shah 

thats like the mian mir bridge in lahore. the fog was so thick you couldnt even see the hoarding properly.


Misty Lahori Streets, Lahore 24th Dec 2004 © Fariha Shah 

and thats the street connecting mall road to jail road. Please note.. no visibility beyond 20 feet..
I mean HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE HERE...
sigh sigh.. Its nice and cold though. i hope the sun comes out for a bit but thinks dont look very promising.. lets see what transpires.. Atleast Lahore has seasons :) spoken like a typical defensive Lahori there.. :) thats the statement i get every time my die-hard Karachi self lashes out.

My loyalty to Karachi has seen alot of tests these past few months. Lahore has rains, small transit times, easy shopping, more parking, ... but somehow the food stuff is still easier to come by in Karachi.. i miss the dossas.. dont get to see them here... im not much into formal dining. I'll take eating off the streets anyday over a restaurant... but i guess you win some you lose some.

My fingers feel frozen. Its getting colder by the minute. I dont know how much longer i can survive this weather.. my bones feel chilled. This inspite of socks shoes, sweater and a shawl. For me Hell would be very very cold.

I'll be off now..
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

back and forth...

Xmas days are here again... deck the halls with boughs of holly.. tra lalalalalalala.. *sing song tone

Well thats that.. it was about the same time last year that i suddenly stumbled upon the great wide world of blogging. Sheer freak accident that..
I was trying to find out how to spell que sera sera.. and i googled it..
lo and behold there was a website by that name.. so i went to the website .. and well.. with Sarah Brown (not a distant relative to charlie brown) once you start reading you dont want to stop.. and amazingly the one post that i did find was one of the most nicest one.. she'd asked everyone who came to her blog to list down that one sentence, which if said by the right person at the right time would just make the world perfect for you.. the post was called Longing .. the 200 comments that accompanied it were worth a read too.. and i was hooked..

after reading through two years of her life, i was inspired enough to start the shebang on my own.. so i discovered what blogging was all about.. with help from umy, my underworld friend in the depths of cyberspace, we set about exploring the myriad of ways in which you can.. ahem.. format a blog...

whaaaat! formatting is highly crucial i'll have you know.. it was a fun process..
at the end of the day, ive basically given up on making the blog look good cause seriously i just cant be bothered... i just love writing stuff on it.. even if no one comes to read it except me :)

The last month has been funny in terms of travel schedules. I've realized that if i learn the art of traveling "light" ..(like how the hell do people do that anyway).. my life would be a little easier..

I tried it.. i hated it.. i always feel like ive left something behind when i have forced my self to proverbially travel light..

I am happy to report that my idiosyncrasies contribute greatly to lowering the stress levels in my workplace. The biggest laughs of the year can easily be attributed to my antics in and around work... the latest being a 1-day trip to dubai on which i traveled with no less than 3 peices of luggage. My darling colleagues will leave out the fact that they ended up borrowing stuff from me since they'd traveled too light for words.. *humph.. :) see see theres a method to my madness..
but it was hilarious enough for them to take pictures of the scene with their mobilephone cameras and giggle at leisure.. i however *superior eyebrows raised look there.. had the last laugh ...

That trip was fun.. it was out of the blue.. and they didnt have our room ready at the jumeirah beach hotel so while i would have quietly stood by and let em do whatever, my colleague decided that wasnt the right approach and very politely expressed her displeasure to the management which has us being upgraded to a suite... with the MOST amazing view of the Burj Ul Arab.. even though we'd been up half the night in trasit and were dead tired, it was still an experience to remember..
This would however be the first trip to Dubai on which i didnt find the time to have a Burger King Whopper.. i had my caramel machiato from starbucks.. but no whopper.. incredible, i know..

After that ive had these mad trips to Kuala Lampur & Bangkok.. and whats scaring me the most is that once you enter into that transit mentality, everything merges into a fuzzy picture where you dont notice any distinguishing characteristics.. and that is damn scary..
when i am in another country, i want to KNOW that i'm in another country through all my senses.. smell, taste, touch, sight, hearing.. all of them.. and being tired because of too much airline travel deadens your senses and you stop feeling all the sensations and then a new place turns into just another place..

Thats when you start losing your sense of wonder.. a word of advice.. DONT EVER LET THAT HAPPEN.. once it happens, its very difficult to shake it off.. no matter how tired you are.. or how long you've traveled to get somewhere, before you leave the airport, wash your face, brush your teeth, open up your ears.. and THEN step out into the atmosphere and really soak it in..

This advice is easy to dispense.. its hard to live upto..

:) anyway cheers to all.. its truly winter season here.. life is good.. lets see what happens next..

I started writing this post with the thought that i'd share what had transpired on my last few mad trips which has had me spending more time in airports then on ground.. but i suddenly got sidetracked and now i've lost my train of thought..

take care all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Livin on the edge...

Like seriously guyz.. you wont believe what i did a couple of weekends ago...
ahem.. yeah.. well.. i dont know how i managed it.. truth to tell, i didnt actually jump off as much as being pushed off the 50 meters high platform at the top of the tower.. (165 feet in layman terms)

Yes indeedy do kiddies.. i did an actual factual bungee jump.. :) and i have the certificate of courage to prove it..
I wouldnt have believed myself capable of such daring, in fact the only thing going through my head was .. just a few more seconds and then i'll be on solid ground.. except...
the trick with the bungee cord is that its Elastic.. *waggling eyebrows..
so you go down screaming like a banshee once feeling like its a free fall to no where.. till the cord stretches and you realize that something is tied to your feet and keepintg you from crashing into the water beneath you..
and you're thinking.. hey this wasnt half bad you know..

AND THEN.. the cord being EElastic.. RECOILS...
takes you back up to about 40 meters.... you go up quietly enough thinking heh i've done this already.. and THEN...
YOU FALL DOWN ALL OVER AGAIN.... my second blood curdling scream was worth a place in the Horrors hall of fame.. truly!
and then :) of course.. there was the third... fall & scream..

after they've been satisfied that you've truly lost your wits, they go about trying to bring you down.. so the cage lowers slowly with you hanging upside down with a whole new perspective of the world. they stick out a pole, you grab hold as fast and hard as humanely possible and literally start climbing down it before they can even pull you in .. then they lower you down and pull off the elastic and the ankle padding and you are left trying to hold down the blood rush and the shaking in your legs as they try to regain their familiarity with the ground and gravity in general..

I had burst capillaries in my cheeks... i SWEAR.. i did... and thanks to the team with me, i got a full technicolor video of my leap of faith above the grand horizon of Chiang Mai... just watching it makes my toes curl all over again.. brrrrr...

So thats that.. My Bungee Jumping Experience.. this from a person who doesnt even get on roller coasters..

Its the getting your feet off the platform that the toughest.. i got harnessed, in the cage, and all the way up there without panicking.. it was once your standing on that little platform looking out across the sky and you suddenly feel the rush of falling through air ... jumping into nothingness.. and thats just while you're standing up there.. that well.. i for one started hyperventilating.. ahem.. i'm not proud of it but there you have it..

I was standing there white knuckled, gripping the railing for all its worth for a good 20 minutes which forced my jump master Wit to finally ask if he could lower the cage.. but .. i dont know what drove me.. actually i do.. i'd just rather not say it.. finally Wit took matters into his own hands and told me to hold my arms out while he slowly leaned me over and ... theres no less scary way of saying this.. DROPPED ME INTO OBLIVION.... aaaaarrrrrrrrreeeeeeeecccccchhhh... *something between a aargh and a screech..
My scream ... WAS scary.. :)

So that was that :)

On another extremely happy note... I found the Johanna Lindsey book about Jeremy Malory in Kuala lampur.. we've collectively waited about 12 years for his book after totally falling in love with the character back then.. and it was amazing.. :) loved it.. i had to take the train to another station to get my hands on the last copy they had but it was worth it :)

Also had the good fortune to find part two of the Jarku Ruus Trilogy: Tanequil by Terry Brooks.. now ive read two .. cant wait for the third one.. he should really write and publish them faster... i mean aaaarrrrghhh... that was also the last copy they had ... am i lucky or what

Anyway :) gotta run.. its cold in lhr now brrr.. even with the sun out and all..

cheers
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Jingle Bells...

Its hard to believe that its the end of 2004...

Like so many other things in my life the changing of the years has also stopped leaving an impression.. i remember the transition in 1999 vividly.. the years to follow the same sense of wonder pervaded my mind each time the clock would tick over the dawn of a new numeric year.. 2004 was the last year to do so.. 2005 will be lost in the crowd of other mundane events in life..

Its weird.. i sometimes feel like my childlike sense of wonder is slipping away.. the inherent excitement in everything.. a new place.. an international trip.. shopping.. food... sometimes i feel bereft of it.. i think its a result of the barriers ive created around my heart to shelter it from the pain of disappointment.. having developed a highly blase outlook on life.. nothing upsets me anymore.. nearly nothing.. there isnt anything that i can not face with faith.. but.. somehow the quest to keep my inner sanctum safe and ripple free somehow seems to have diluted the intensity of feeling within my soul..

or maybe for the first time in my life.. i may have experienced fear.. and to counter that detachment proceedings were carried out.. i still have faith in the Almighty.. but somehow i have a feeling that my human side decided to take additional precautions in case he decides to test me.. so it put up additional safety nets all around me to close me off from adverse reactions..

i dont know which is worse.. feeling everything or not feeling at all.. i guess once you make that distinction you can go forward either fully prepared for the consequences or fully safe from everything .. including happiness.. its a mind boggling dilemmna.. :)

Lifes ok.. i have tried to be on a protein diet.. for some reason i found it to be pretty easy.. i guess that makes me a bonafide carnivore.. bring on the meat baby.. lol.. but in all seriousness.. its damn easy.. unless you travel on the 6pm PIA economy plus flight.. in which the entire in-flight meal comprises of 3 portions of carbs.. :)
i had half a McArabia.. i like it.. also had.. umm.. a damascus ka shwarma.. thought it was drier than usual.. had a silver spoon ka chicken roll.. had a chicken dosa from something bbq in khadda market.. had some nice italian food at the Sicilian.. the seafood soup was also pretty nice..

my experience of the world as i keep reiterating is defined through my consumption occassions.. if i dont consume and taste.. it leaves very little of an impression on me.. :) cant help it thats just the way it is.

Ok me be off.. take care me lovelies.. although im not a sea faring person per se.. but i like it..

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

slightly misty winter days...

Its true really.. my blogs really do sound like a weather report sometimes.

This morning was amazing.. it was soft and misty.. lahore is still in the middle ground between fall and winter.. winter hasnt struck with a vengeance as yet.. i carry around my oversized Nike jacket anyway ... Just in case :)

My head throbs a wee bit.. in a funny way.. my eyes i fear will very soon give up on me i stare at nothing but a huge lcd screen alllllll day.. its sad i tell you..

I have however learned to type without looking at the keyboard which is a real cool accomplishment. :)

I seriously have regressed into ultra boring zone. The reason is as follows: Lack of honesty. I've lost the streak of letting loose on the web without fear of recrimination. :) i dunno. Maybe it'll come back.. but i seriously only work and sleep so i dont have much to say..

Just had a new bundle of joy enter our familial fold.. my cousin just had a baby boy... 6 pounds 11 ounces.. :) MashAllah.. lots of joy going around.. The birth of a baby is always a reason for joy.. its so pure and untainted.. i hope every birth is safe and joyful..

I have constant companions in my workplace.. my window (if u can call it that) faces outward onto the side of our building.. each afternoon the cooks for the offices below cook their gleeful little hearts out, having merry conversation in punjabi as they go about their work... its a nice indirect companionship.. :) you never feel alone..

It was my daddys birthday yesterday... cakes n flowers...

Im a little disturbed still with my ongoing internal struggle with the outside world. I know that sounds a bit confusing but i dont know how else to put it. Inside my heart i firmly believe that nothing and no one else matters in my life except the Almighty and those that i bestow my love on. My sense of self is strong and so is my faith. Apart from my inner sanctum of my nearest and dearest, I dont give a rats ass about other peoples opinions, thoughts, and general verbal expression.. and thats the way it will remain.

You can insulate yourself, but how do you insulate those who you love. Not everyone will think like me. Theres a reason why our closest friends and family are on the same wave length as us. Its a defensive strategy. People dont like exposing themselves to what they dont like and hence they chose to love only like minded people to have minimal disruption in their lives.

Somehow very few people are able to insulate themselves from being affected by the random opinions of all and sundry.. we have so many situation where inevitably someone ends up uttering.. hai Allah log kya sochien gey.. kya sochien gey?.. can you control it.. can you remotely direct it... do you think if you're a goody two shoes and a Allah ki gai for your entire life the world will leave you alone...

Bull Shit.. they'll come after you tenfold. The world in general likes an easy target. It doesnt pay to be nice to everyone..
But i cant be ruthless either... just uncaring..

i believe in letting things be.. big Paul Mcartney fan there....
Allah mian takes care of most of my issues.. but thats just me.. some people out there need to tackle each issue head on and make sure the issue knows it exists..

my approach can sometimes be likened to the ostrich. which is not good. i ramble. which is also not good. i go now.. :)

see ya..

Princess of the GemWorld


*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Rainy Days are here again

oh joy oh joy oh joy..
Allah be praised... Karachi is all beautiful & rainy again.. :) im so happy..

:)

Lahore is cold. The nights are freezing. But thats just my Karachi blood speaking.

Eid was nice.. family get together, a bit of visiting & visitors, and lots of nice food.
my mum makes the best qeema sawaiyan.. and i practically live off that till its all finished. and then she made saag gosht.. which i love having with chawal & dahi.. so i kinda lived off that too..

Then there was the deja Vu iftar... which was very very nice.. veggie tempura, canneloni, lasagna, pizza, pakoras, chinese rolls.. sigh sigh sigh.. good stuff.. but the desert bit was useless.. heheh .. and the CK one was ok.. didnt like it much.. which was a surprise.. but it seriously was nothing to write home about.. there was no live cooking either which kinda detracted from the CK expectations.. The Arizona one rocked because of the pasta, the salads, the APPLE COBBLER.. i love that Apple cobbler.. its just too cool.

Went to Flo for a dinner too.. and it was very nice.. as my best friend wud whole heartedly recommend.. #42 rocks.. its this chicken withe whild mushroom sauce and they serve the potatoes in very thin slices with sour cream in the layers and ohhhmyyygoodness.. its mouth wateringly beautiful.. also had the shrimp and salmon tagliatelle.. very nice.. and the desert was strawberry crepe with whipped cream.. need i say more..

My tummy growling with a vengeance.. great! i'd planned to skip lunch from now on, unfortunately i keep making the mistake of having breakfast.. which umm naturally leads to lunch.. ahem :) .. kya karein control nahin hota.. lehar namkeem.. lol..

yes indeedy do.. advertising does in fact rule our lives.. anyway.. i had good food.. my one regret is that i was too full on my last few days to have one more dominoes thin crust tex mex, u think they deliver to lahore :) sigh sigh sigh.. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.. chalo i can try the McArabia... NO NO.. bad girl.. restrain..

since i was just told not 20 minutes ago that i seem to have lost weight ( lord bless JM) i should show some consistency and atleast TRY to exhibit some commitment... to hell with it. you only live once..

("niiiitaaa wats on the menu?")

take care kiddos..

Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

orkut ahoy

hmmm.. so like i went and checked out this Orkut thingy...

Its pretty neat.. alot of old CBM faces online.. lots of communities.. it seems like an interesting place.. i guess this week i can try to see what else ive been missing out on...will finally go to a karachi iftari at Arizona today.. Heard its the best one so we're pretty psyched..

Its amazing what the thought of immense amounts of food can do to one in a roza.. i find myself watching incessant broadcasts of BBCFOOD without feeling any hunger pangs but just the thought of the Arizona Iftar is enough to send my mind and tummy into a feeding frenzy... i hope it lives up to expectations..

In terms of other new and wonderful things in Karachi.. ive certifiably fallen in love with the Dominoes thin crust tex mex.. i swear i could easily finish off a medium all on my own.. i mean ive been to damascus twice now since being back in town and i STILL havent had the farrouge or the Shwarma.. i used to DIE to have those things.. sigh... oh well.. i guess once ive had my fill of the pizza i'll revert back to the original cravings..

The weathers pretty decent in my city by the sea.. the evenings are pleasant even.. i wear a sweater inside the house. My family thinks i'm certifiable. Its a commonly shared opinion..

I dont know why but i'm always feeling cold.. :) I also bought the ranch flavored pringles and get this.. PRINGLES SOUR CREAM & CHIVE DIP... OHMYGOODNESS... IT ROCKED... it was the BEST DAMN DIP THIS SIDE OF THE PACIFIC.. highly recommended from Paradise next to Billboard.. man.. smacking lips..

hmm... thats been the sum total of my culinary experience... so far.. i havent really been out that much.. and much to consternation we learnt that Arizona Grill doesnt have Sehri this year so we were very very sad... SAD!...

But basically i have Deja Vu, CK & Arizona on my menu list.. and i dont mind hitting any of these places twice.. damn... so many buffets so little time..

lol... ooh and the McArabia wasnt bad either.. had a bite or two.. but i'm thinking of giving it another try..

In other news.. i'm still owed very highly belated birthday presents by certain creative types.. My rooms a mess as usual and i had nothing to do with it... i LOVE BBC FOOD.. my tailor made most of my clothes but they require alterations.. my best friends gotten some great kurtis made... I love the color of my room .. its lime green & cream.. i bought the Princess Diaries.. Royal Engagement and thought it was cute.. it was a pirate print though.. Gilmore girls season one is available on DVD and guess who'll be heading to Rainbow centre to pile up on the DVDs..

And lastly if i dont come back before eid.. EID MUBARAK... to all of you..
love
fars

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Joy....

Lying in bed with barely enuff light to even see the lines on my Philips CE notebook. I recall the story of the Japanese boy who had to learn how to write with his eyes closed so he could master Japanese script.

I can hear the traffic on the Mall. The honks of the horns, the sounds of the mosques resonating in the air. I suddenly remember my morning in Istanbul, waking up at Fajr surrounded by the simultaneous calls from all the mosques. It filled me with wonder. The strength of the call. its 8:10 pm. i'm in a blanket. Lost somewhere between the realms of lonely reality and confusing fantasy. I wonder sometimes how Allah can stand me & my imperfections. I am a constant trial to this world. To everyone who's ever dared or been forced to love me.

Train Siren. The crossing must be closed right now. I have.. or seem to have isolated myself... from life... from society... from normalcy. I keep feeling i'm moving further & further away from the reality of the world. I used to say that we define our own reality. What we believe IS our truth. I've not been wrong. Atleast not from my perspective. But everyday I inflict pain on those who loved me. It's a losing battle. My inability to ask for forgiveness and their inability to forgive.

My eyes are growing accustomed to the darkness. I can see the writing now. Also this page is white. The last one was light blue. Makes a difference.

Somehow i don't feel alone. Don't feel the overwhelming need right now to reach out & talk or make contact with another human being. I Used to crave human contact. It used to fill me with joy, a rush of endorphins.

I loved talking & laughing, even if it was at my self. Somehow today I feel devoid of that joy.

Felt like reaching out and touching my past. My stays by the sea, the hot parathas & spicy unda tamater at the Korangi Creek Dhabba with doodh patti. The most disconnected memories are flooding the recesses of my mind. . Flashbacks.. icecream cones in sialkot. Salty boiled meat between the peaks & valleys of Quetta, Chapli kababs in Peshawar. My parents helped me experience the world fully.

I'm human. I experience the world based primarily on taste, then smell, then sight, sound & touch. Hence food is my primary memory receptor.

The air grows cooler here. It's nice to breathe... will soon be minty ...

Don't feel sorry for me.. I don't. Theres nothing to feel sorry about. C'est la vie... This is life... It's there to be lived.. for the living.. this moment is life..

i keep repeating these lines over & over again.. its a reminder for me.. There are some things in life which are better left untold and undiscovered. Take Palmistry for example.. it can unfold many secrets ... and it can cause many heartaches ... because some things happen solely because we believe that they will happen..

I have a simple formula for dealing with hardships.. I look upon them as ordained by Allah and either take it as a test or as a sign of some thing better for us in the long run.. I guess thats the optimists approach.. but really ... we can be as miserable as we want to be.. regardless of how good our lives are.. and conversely we can be as joyous as we want to be ... regardless of how painful reality may be... i guess its a matter of discovering you own inner strength and the strength of your faith..

Bad things can happen to good people.. and it makes you ask why.. you'll never know.. Only Allah will know.. and somehow i dont think he feels a pressing need to answer all our why's.. he's biding his time for the day when he gets to ask that question and see how we respond..

i scare my self of that so i lose my fear of the world. I realized early this morning that i hadnt grown up with any fear within me.. somehow that served to make me seem overly confident and independent in the eyes of the people i love.. but its a gift that i got from them .. and its a beautiful gift. To live life without fear... its the most amazing feeling.. and it came primarily from two things.. the love & security i felt when i was growing up... and the ever strengthening faith in the Almighty.. that he is our strength and our protector.

I still get a bit nervous if im driving around and its late and i rush to reach the safe confines of my home.. i get teary eyed of the fear of a loved one passing away.. i cry inside sometimes thinking of the things we lose along the way... but at the end of the day i feel love which protects me and tells me everything will be ok.. and it comes from Allah and my parents and my best friends and everyone i've met who's so far never hurt me in any way..

Theres alot of good still left in the world. Alot of good and love.. We need to leave ourselves open for it.. protect ourselves from the bad and leave a little opening for the love to sneak in..

And then just live.. as nicely as we can...

all of you who come here... theres a bit of love in my heart for each one of you..

love

Princess of the GemWorld



*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

the perils of blogging

The day had to come :)

i knew deep down inside... infact not even so deep down that baring your soul on the internet was bound to get one into trouble.. especially when everyone you know somehow naturally assumes the blogs all about them... when ... well.. its not you see... cause its all about me... yes.. egomaniacal, narcissistic, totally internally focused.. me!

But ah well.. :) i gotta run.. its iftari time..

love
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Sweet Home Karachi...

My 1st trip back home after 2 months was surreal.
I felt like kneeling on the tarmac after landing and kissing the scorching ground.

Scorching.. because its still summers in Karachi..
i stared with my eyes wide open at everything.. the roads, the street signs, the trees, shops, round abouts... reassuring myself that everything was where i'd left it.. and every so often i would burst into tears just missing the feeling of belonging to this humming city... i miss my city :(

I had so much on my mind. So many little things niggling the back of my conciousness... i went on a cleaning spree... it cleansed my mind and my soul along with my room..

i threw away project papers from 1999.. i three away old bank statements & deposit slips. I threw away receipts of equipment long expired.. i threw away reems of paper and things collected in the days of youth.. i threw away sooo many pictures which i knew i would never use in my photo album..

There was a time when i knew every single snap in each of my kodak photo albums down to the negative numbers which were obviously catalogued by chronological order. i was very organized. Each picture, taken of course with my nanas fantastic Nikon, was an extension of me.. my memories.. my past.. and sitting there on my bed this fine saturday morning in the hot month of october, i realized i had to let go. I had to move on from all those little moments that had made my life memorable 15 years ago.. (yeah i'm oooooolllddd... sigh)... and i had to concentrate on the moments now... i had to open my mind and start experiencing every second, sight, sound, aroma, the way i used to in my youth...when it all became larger than life..

Even now i can look at a picture, and it all comes back to me, the sea breeze in the back ground, specks of sand floating in the wind, the chill in the winter air, the warmth of the sun ... my favorite and most vivid memories are of the winters.. I used to breathe in the air trying to spot the difference between summer breezes & winter zephyrs... cool weather always served to enhance my senses and i remember the environments in my winter pictures so much more... they still resonate with life...

each moment in time, each snap was a precious memory captured and preserved... until this weekend. I finally realized that i couldnt keep holding on to each & every memory as if i'll never let go..

i also realized that Digital cameras lack character.. they lack emotion.. and because you can take limitless shots you lose value for the picture that you take and snap just about anything.. Digital cameras become an individual pursuit where in your pursuit of excellence you alienate the human race. I've stopped snapping pictures of people ever since i acquired my cybershot since inanimate objects are so much prettier..

Blah... well ... i threw away my childhood. Must have shredded a good 200 or so pictures. Let go of alot of baggage for good as well... friends of yore.. those that were once an integral part of the circle of life, yet now not there arent even wisps of their existence on the periphery of my life.. we move so fast and so far... We also sometimes forget the good and remember the bad in order to nurture our anger and nurse our hurt. And in throwing away all these memories, i finally accepted the fact that certain people, certain moments are only contained within the ephemeral bounds of time... and once their time has passed, theres no point in trying to hold on to them wishing and praying that things dont change and always stay the way they are.. it only results in excruciating pain when you finally have to let go.. because thats the nature of life.. it only moves forward..

Thats not to say, i'll ever forget... thats not to say i wont fondly remember the events and occasions that made my youth as memorable as it was... it still brings a smile to my face... :).. we were crazy and it was awesome...

Lest i start strolling down memory lane again, let me stop right here.. i changed my stance towards my album making... now i make the album for just me.. before it used to befor all the people i knew as well.. now its just me.. i put in pretty pictures i like and i throw the rest away because there isnt enough space in the world for all my crap.

:) take care ppl

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright ?© Fars - FS 2004