Dear all...
:) Life's good. you know i finally feel it. after a whole lot of winters, of being filled with a feeling of dreadful anticipation on whatever front was open at that point in life, this winter was surprisingly sublime and well relatively peaceful.
This entire week was chock full of weddings. First my hubby's best friend and then mine. so it was glorious popping out all of my super glitzy shadi outfits and dressing to the hilt even when it wasnt required.. my obsession with sparkly things continues unabated and i wonder sometimes in flashes of introspection, what i will do when i'm 50 and still wearing blaring red orange and gold organza outfits... because well .. i like it. :)
i can imagine embarrasing my kids to death and being labeled that crazy old lady with no regard for her age. but man really... i love my glam sparkly shiny super duper glitzy outfits and everything else that goes with it.. if i had my way i would have glitter paint on all my walls.. my hubby shubby would probably lose it but hey thats me.. hasnt happened yet, :) but its still early...
i'm still in the developmental process of shrugging off all the shackles of societal expectations. i spent my youth struggling against them to establish my own individuality and to protect myself from the pain of judgement. i think i'm there now. but everything comes with a price. there are many moments where you still sit there and say to yourself, "conforming is so much easier". But at the end of the day, its still all between me and my God.. so the rest of the world can go take a hike. :)
My best friends abandoning me and moving to HongKong. to tell the truth, shes just as freaked as i am. but it means serious lifestyle changes on my end. for one, while she was around i felt no compulsion to make time for anyone else in karachi. as it is life was too hurried and too much had to be taken care of in too little time.. especially after Abu. But through her i would always have a connection and updates on all our other friends and sometimes we'd meet up as well.. now sighhhh.. i'll need to make the effort on my own. we have good friends that go back many years.. we're blessed.. because its difficult finding people now with the same value systems as ours.. the conservative middle class is fast eroding and losing all the things that made it what it was.. the lines have started blurring between whats evil and whats not.. but with the people you went to school and college with, the beauty is that you will always know their true self. you may not like some of it but if you didnt like the most of it, you wouldnt still know them..
i feel good. in a mental, physical and spiritual sense. this time seems to ready for a new beginning. i spent the last 3 years of my life in transit. always feeling like i had one foot in the air... that feeling of being unsettled doesnt let you take charge of anything in your life because if you try and fail its very demoralizing.. so you just learn to let go, go with the flow and just do however much you can.. but sleep becomes a priority :) and you let go of alot of things that used to make you feel very very good because of the sheer lack of time... people included.
i think its time for a wave of change.. its time to reclaim my life and my self.. its time to make the effort to feel more settled and less all over the place. its time to maintain good friendships and to learn to give and receive and God meant us all to do. its time to learn to juggle all the good things in my life, my family my friends my work my passions and keep all the balls merrily in the air. Its time i returned to my soul started to feel again fully rather than in bits and peices.. Inshallah by the grace of Allah, i shall start now..
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: GemWorld Fars
Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com
MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.msn.com
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