shoot me now

I mean it. seriously lol :) just going to meet my lil fwiend sally at the hut :) am soo excited. its been ages. man. i really need to get my act together and start taking care of myself and my family n friends. if you exhaust yourself emotionally and physically things start looking really sad and dreary. but then you always have food:) cheerios Princess of the GemWorld ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

sweet sweet rain

Well here I am in cloudy Lahore. Not that Karachi was bad. It was also beautifully cloudy and lovely. Fun fun. Not so much for the people whose homes are on streets that got flooded but otherwise fun fun. Love a good rain. Most people don't. Anyway my wee widdle fwiend fati came back from Singapore and I got too see her and she got to meet raiyna and fais and we had a chocolate volcano at Kahva and their very nice club & grilled chicken sandwiches. Lovely… and then we came home and she saw my albums and we had dinner with her brother who is newly relocated to KHI and it was very nice.. white chicken karahi from BBQ 2nite which I love and which fati also loved so we were happy campers. Then she left for isloo and left behind three delumscious pieces of the chocolatiest cake from Expresso which I had yesterday with my tea and it was loverly and choto also loved it and rubbed her cake smeared face all over ami's sofa cushions.. (note to self: never feed choto cake at anyone else's house).. that child is a walking talking food dropper.. Anyway, the rain was nice. And now in Lahore the weathers quite nice. We just had lemon tarts and spring rolls from CTC (Coffee Tea & Co.). The spring rolls were not the same quality. I must sms them to let them know that they are slipping. Not good. Even their blueberry pancakes with whipped cream weren't as nice last time. Hmmm… they must concentrate on maintaining their quality considering the prices they charge. I left choto's shoes at home this morning. I'll have to go to bubble gummers and buy choto some shoes. Otherwise she will be roaming around barefeet for the next three days.. not good :) thats all folks cheerios Princess of the GemWorld ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

caramel machiatos

I am struggling. Within myself and without. I am struggling to find the peace. The peace I think I once had. I cant even remember what it felt like. My hands feel dry. All the time. The keyboard seems surprisingly soft and clicky. I have too much to think of yet my mind is comfortably numb. This because my daughter was wearing a Pink Floyd tshirt in the morning. On the whole flight everyone kept referring to her as a boy. I didn't correct them. she misses me now. She cries when I leave the day care room and gets these biiiig huge tears rolling down her cheekies. She's a big drama. I love her sooo much.. its weird. This itty bitty little thing that tugs on your heartstrings. I have forgotten what it feels like to write and to feel. I feel zonked and zombied. Mostly my fault. I went to Sunday Bazaar yesterday in an attempt to feel. The weather was great. It was balmy, cloudy, breezy.. and I walked through the stalls lined with books trying to find something that would make me feel inspired. Felt woozy. I think still recovering from my 5 day long fever. And then I found a silly historical and everything came back in a rush. The good old days. The silly romance novels. The chais and the coffees.. and I bought it and held on to it like it could give me life again. Very silly.. Then I walked around some more trying not to think and feel but just to breathe. Trying to breathe in a bit of life.. trying to touch it and see what it meant. And then my mind slowly started opening up again. I started feeling a little. Seeing a little. Hearing a little. I think my ears were congested. But the ears opening up really helped. Then we went to Aghas. After a long time. We put Raiyna in the front of the cart with her legs dangling out under the handle bars and I bought garlic & herb cheese, banana nut bread, quaker oats in three flavors. & I suddenly felt good again. After spending 1000 bucks on frivolities. Went to khala's. told Jabbar to make aaloo key pakoras and made me some toasted toast with the garlic and herb cheese spread and had a lovely scrumptious, delumpcious, mouth watering, downright scrumplicious tea with pakoras. I can eat pakoras like theres no tomorrow. I think I need to seriously evaluate my priorities in life. I am feeling tired and weak after my week long illness. It was very debilitating. Haven't been unwell for a very long time and didn't like the way it felt. Got some very bad news recently. A colleagues sister in law passed away from cancer last week. She was only 25. an only child and had been married for a year. The news just leaves you feeling breathless. It is so tragic, sad and seems so senseless. Its unfathomable. And it just brings home, how fragile life is and how unpredictable and how nothing matters except loving your loved ones and living each day as fully as possible. I think I'm still reeling with depression. It made me feel very small and very unsure of life and myself and I worried and worried and became sadder and sadder. Then I called up Geitee.. my fortress of solitude. And we talked. And every time I think of her I think of sitting on her bed with a cup of tea and just feeling all the bad stuff fall away. She made me feel safe and happy everytime. Her positive energy is so wonderful. And we will always have Pattisserie Valerie and English scones with clotted cream now. Damn I loved those. 7 pounds well spent. I miss her all the time. Shes like English scones and clotted cream on a wonderful English summers day. May Allah mian always keep us in each others lives. So now I feel better. But still lacking in the honesty that was prevalent before. There seems to be so much to protect oneself from. So much that must remain within. Especially the insecurities and the depression because not everyone understands. Not every one wants to be burdened. Even me. I love to laugh when everyones laughing but who wants to cry anyway. Though I don't wear mascara but its such a draining experience. I wonder how my daughter does it with such gay abandon. Big fat tear drops. Drama. J I bee off. I try to drown this unnatural sorrow in food and physical sustenance. May Allah protect my country and give our people some sense of right & wrong. Did I mention I love caramel machiatos from starbucks.. I do! I need an international trip or a visit to Gloria Jeans… Princess of GemWorld ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

nano

life is sad sometimes. the lights about to go any minute. my hubbys sleeping downstairs and my daughters sleeping upstairs.. my nano passed away on the 31st of May. my baby turned one on the 28th and nano passed away 3 days later. she was fine when i left. then she slipped and fractured her hip. the surgery was very well done but then they gave her a pain killer which reacted with her, her blood pressure dropped and her heart came to a standstill. i didnt realize how much it hurt until i got back and walked in to her room and realized she wasnt lying on her bed anymore. i broke down and cried and cried and cried. before i'd left i had gone to her room. she'd been lying in bed and i told her i was going to see khala.. she asked me how long... i said 3 weeks.. my heart was feeling funny.. i'd never been away for so long in the recent past. nano would always ask when ever i was leaving the house "wapas kab aaye gi?" and "kahan jaa rahi hai? kyun jaa rahi hai :) reh ja" :) my hubby would always smile cause she always looked for him when she used to say "reh ja" :) this time she heard 3 weeks and she just said "khair nal ja, khair nal aa"... i have a feeling she had a feeling... ami had already had nana and abu come in her dreams a month back and she had a deep sense of foreboding.. but when it happened it was so quick. so sudden.. we didnt have time to think... i am so thankful that Allah Mian made sure she was completely healthy and walking around and in full control of all her faculties down to her last days. she wouldnt have liked it otherwise. my nani was adorable. she used to bang the glass on the table when she wanted more Diet 7up.. she used to purposely refuse to talk and instead point at things on the dining table forcing you to play a guessing game :) we used to strike back and say "no you say it and then we'll pass it :) baatein karein hum say" so she used to retort "kya baatein karoun.. mein koi tauta (parrot) houn".. she constantly referred to my daughter in the masculine :) saying "yeh kya kar raha hai.. yeh to mota hai mota :)" in a sing song voice.. and every time we used to correct her she used to say "mujhay pata hai" in an angry tone :).. when i was small.. she used to comb & brush my hair till it shone and then braid it into two plaits with the loveliest of ribbons that she had collected for so long.. she made the best pulao.. finger lickin good.. the best chicken qorma.. the best suji ka halwa.. she made the best everything... and her aaloo gosht was to die for.. she was the worlds best cook.. now my mum is the worlds best cook.. she raised 5 children.. not the easiest bunch of kids to raise :) according to the stories they have told us themselves of their childhood and the mischiefs they used to get upto. but she was always a force to be reckoned with.. she had dreams about the future that were as clear as day.. once she dreamt the car had been stolen.. nana & the family had been on a tour and they had the car stolen that day :) they found it by nightfall or the next day.. once after getting married she dreamt she was shaking hands with the king .. her brothers made lots of fun of her.. :) a while later nana was sent to England by the army and they were invited to a dinner where she shook hands with the King of England.. She saved that invitation and sent it to her brothers later :) one day when she was older and living with us post nana's passing away, she woke up in the morning and said "someone's passed away".. we were very scared because one of our family's elders had been in the hospital, but we called and they were fine.. just a few hours later we got news that one of my chachijans had completely unexpectedly passed away.. it was the most shockingly sad event... i think nano had a direct line of communication to Allah mian.. May Allah keep her safe in Heaven and allow nana and nani to be together in heaven in a lovely home and allow us all to find places close to our loved ones once we pass into the everafter.. inshAllah... Princess of the GemWorld ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

a history of my blog

i was depressed the other day and i went googling my name on  the web... i do that to give my existence some substance every now and then.. while i know my "google name" is "fariha gemworld".. but sometimes i just like seeing what else is out there and just google "fariha"..

 

so i came across farsQuest which is another fariha and she was talking about her fathers bday on april 1st. i think all farihas are inherently happy.. its because our name means happy..

 

but sometimes as ive said before in my blog numerous times, happiness comes at the cost of numbness.. you just refuse to acknowledge certain things in life.. the down side is you start forgetting alot in your efforts not to remember ..

 

i looked back today on some of the aprils gone by... april 2004 was the first one.. the one where i'd just moved to lahore.. and our wee small office had just 24 ppl in it.. My life as an office was one of the most hilarious blogs and even now i get a smile on my face when i go through it...

 

April 2005 was just me venting for one reason or the other... it was right before i was getting married so i guess the stress factor was a little on the high side..

 

april 2006 my father passed away & life came to a standstill...

 

After that ive just spent all my time missing him ... so much so that there isnt an april 2007..

 

circle of life :)..

 

Cheerios

 

Princess of the GemWorld

 

 

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld

Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

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in remembrance of my father

today is april 11th.. 2 years to the day my father passed away on 12 rabiulawwal in 2006.. it had been a quiet day. i'd gotten to the LNH hospital room where he had insisted on spending the night at around noon.. the night before he had been instructing the attendant chap on how to clean the air conditioning filter to optimize electricity usage.

 

khala & johnny mamu & shahid mamu had just finished feeding him a nice home cooked meal.. i had brought home made chinese but he had just finished eating & looked happy.. but he'd started fading in and out. and he knew it.. he called me over.. asked about china.. told me to look after ami.. asked me to tune the TV to national geographic.. asked about the DHA papers.. and finally slipped into a sleep by around 2pm.. i heard him breathing.. it was labored.. i prayed as i sat there on the sofa next to the bed.. and then after some time i felt as if i couldnt hear him breathing any more.. i went over to check with trepidition and leaned close and suddenly he took a breath ... but it was like he took it in ... but i thought it was ok.. and he was fine.. and i sat back down..

 

that was my fathers last breath ...

 

i had witnessed the end of my fathers circle of life and i will always cherish and be grateful to Allah mian for how peaceful he made abu's passing.. i will always be grateful that i was there with him.. i will always be grateful for every living breathing moment i had with him.. and i will never ever ever forget abu.. i love him forever and always...

 

as did so many others.. i pray to Allah mian that i get to be with abu in heaven even if its a different level.. im trying to live my life with positivity & joy and to make sure that i do all thats right so i can have a chance of having my father with me once again..

 

i love you abu.. forever and always...

 

fariha

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld

From Pakistan: http://www.pkblogs.com/gemworld

Int'l : Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

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resolutions

Todays the 23^rd of March – Pakistan resolution day. It feels like a good day. Lazy Sunday. Except I have strat plan to work on. I've done the thinking and made the drafts, now its time for the re-drafting and the data to start talking.

 

It's a nice day… we had chicken qorma & sheermal for lunch which is like my dream lunch always.. and ami had made some soufflé type bread pudding which was out of this world.. especially the roasted almonds she'd sprinkled on top.. yummmm..

 

I get very excited about food. That's the one thing I ALWAYS get excited about. Its wonderful.. being able to get excited about something that's so satisfying on so many levels.

 

24^th of March, Monday 2008

 

And so a whole day went by.. I just had aalo matar gajar ki bhujia on a toasted toast… I LOVE toaster ovens. They have the power to make anything taste fresh and crunchy. Wayyy better than microwaves. I generally love life. I think it's a grand old thing.

 

I hope & pray that Allah mian continues to bless us all.. have to shuttle between cities again tomorrow morning.. did I mention work never ends J I think I did..

 

Anyway.. its hot. And theres no electricity .. sigh sigh…

 

Catch you guyz later..

 

Cheerios

 

Princess of the GemWorld

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld

From Pakistan: http://www.pkblogs.com/gemworld

Int'l : Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

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sunny side up

My dad always used to say "work never ends, you have to have the self discipline to put it aside for the day and focus on your family".

 

he was right. no matter how much you do.. it NEVER ends.. i can make calls and send emails from morn till night and even into the middle of the night (which i have done) but it still goes on.

 

sigh sigh sigh :) what to do..

 

Karachi is in full blown spring.. its got the sun scorching the pavements.. the sky is a dusky blue. I can hear the sounds of hammers and shovels from the construction going on outside. The sun is lightly filtering in through my vertical  blinds. I hate the mouse pad on my laptop. Every time I am typing it suddenly lands the mouse cursor somewhere else and it is so IRRITATING..

 

And I'm hungry again. Can you imagine.. I'm always hungry.. these days I was trying to do this low carb diet regime which essentially involves getting rid of rice and roti.. apart from that I can have everything.. and no refined carbs .. so no pasta and white bread also.. I love Nandos because of that.. I eat as many peri bites as I can and now that they've launched their steak thingy, I love it even more.. didn't like having to handle all the bones in the chicken..

 

And the new love of my life is hummous.. I LOVE hommous.. I go to BBQ 2nite and I order hummous without any olive oil and cucumber and lettuce leaves and I eat and eat and eat.. and I love the white chicken karahi as I mentioned earlier..

 

I have always been very food centric :) cant help it .. small joys :)…

 

I wanted to see Enchanted and National Treasure Book of Secrets..  but apparently if a movie is on at the Cineplex, they don't release it on DVD here.. that was funny :( I'm not happy about that.. I really wanted to see a good romantic comedy and Enchanted not only has McDreamy in it, its also got James Marsden who I adore.. :)

 

Ok.. me off now.. let me think of what to eat next…

 

Cheerios

 

Princess of the Gemworld

 

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld

From Pakistan: http://www.pkblogs.com/gemworld

Int'l : Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

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fascination

ive always loved talking to myself. i guess thats what this blog is now.. my dialogue with myself.. no one else comes here anymore.. they all gave up on me and moved on long ago.. so now its just me and my semi-headache.. i dont know why i have this headache. i slept in the afternoon. and i thought it was a great bit of sleep. expecially since i was very very sleepy after having stuffed my self full of white chicken karahi at BBQ 2nite.

i've been a very lazy person when it comes to the personal side of my life. :) i wont get into the gory details.. but lets just say i got a long overdue hair cut this morning and thats just the tip of the iceberg..

kids grow really fast.. literally in the blink of an eye.. its unbelievable. and fascinating... it takes up alot of time but its still a lovely experience. tiring though...

i havent had time to think. i feel like an octopus juggling EVERYTHING :) i know there will soon be a time when i look back in wonder & amazement at how i managed to do it all... hopefully there wont b any regret.. i havent had time to feel any yet..

Taare zameen par was an amazing movie... the song "maa" is a heartbreaker.. i love it... i love my mother.. meri maa :) shes a character.. we both miss abu sooo immensely. every minute of every day.. its incessant.. a deep gaping hole that we cant ever fill.. we just loved him soo much.. his second barsi will be here soon.. i cant believe it.. i still remember every minute & every second of the last few days... the great part is i also remember all the great years since i was born... i love abu... & i love ami...
i like being back.. me, myself & my blog world :)

cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld



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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
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