Realm of the Soul

i cant write anymore with my hands. they start to hurt. the other day i missed a step on the living room stairs and fell on my knee. Allah saved us.  my eyes feel fuzzy. my minds so far ok. i feel like i have something to say but i'm lost for words. speechless.  why? i dont know! its been a while now living with this feeling. i was psychoanalyzing and i realized that its probably because i am just trying to get from point A to point B without falling down and collapsing. i'm just trying not to think of the effort that is going into each moment and task because if i start thinking when will i do the doing.  everything feels like a favor i am doing for someone that i should be getting appreciation for but the applause never comes.  you put the clothes in the washer... clap clap clap.. you even turned it on.. more claps...AND you DIDNT forget to put some detergent in there.. wow... thunderous applause..  thats how i feel life SHOULD be.. but the applause never comes. i want to work on M's baby book but the time never comes. once home its change, eat, bathe, change, brush, collapse on the bed. wake up at 6am and start all over.  i want to give my nature shots for development and stick em up all over the house and then call everyone i know to gush over them. the time never comes.  i want to buy frames for the damn nature shots. the time never comes.  i want a full time maid. wheres the time? i want to go to heaven and just put my head on abus chest and listen to his heart beating. inshAllah.  i want to raise my babies right so they join my abu in heaven and abu can see them grow from birth to adulthood one day at a time. inshAllah. i have the vision but no plan to achieve it. thats what separates the losers from the winners. sigh. all vision and no plan make jack a dull dull man. i had to say man so it would rhyme. its more satisfying too.  like any normal human being i have the urge to connect, to feel the buzz of being heard and understood, to feel the rush of sharing .. ANYTHING... with another living organism..  we are all inward focused. its the innate human selfishness. survival instinct. think of yourself first. sad but true.  Abu wasnt. he thought of himself last :) it was always about everyone else.  i'm so happy i was part of the everyone else.  i love abu. cant wait to see him.  ami cant either. she keeps saying her time has come and makes me very upset. doesnt really leave me with much. i hope Allah mian grants her health & happiness to live for a long long time whole and hearty. all faculties and limbs and functions intact. i need her.  i love my ami abu. i've been blessed so much because of them that i dont know what to do to repay Allah mian. it may be a losing battle. sigh. innalillahewainnailaihirajioun - 'Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return" :) sighhhh... life has its moments.  ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

Its been long. Lets just say that and move on without any apologies.   Its cloudy. Life is relative. Slightly tiring but there is excitement in silly things. Like sofas and curatins. Manageable.   Feel like a part of the rat race sometimes and sometimes supremely disconnected. Old age and aches & pains :)   May Allah bless and keep in his protection ******************************************************************************************** Fariha's Thoughts of the Day: GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

Its been a long time. I havent written anything much for a while now. I think it has to do with the fact that I’m not reading much. When you are not exposed to any channels of inspiration, you lose the ability to express much as well.


My core inflow of communication is the Disney Channel. Before you think that I have been reduced to watching the Disney channel due to my offspring’s predilection for all things Disney, let me correct you. My offspring only watches Baby TV. The Disney channel viewing is personal choice. I *gasp* actually enjoy it… the simple humor.. the witty repartee :) .. its wholesome and fun and so obvious you have to smile.

And the best part is no body dies and no one goes searching for clues.

I am miscast as an adult in this tableau of life. We should be given a choice of whether we want to graduate to the next physical phase in our development cycle. I say physical because mental development is most certainly not linked to our physical advancement. Men can grow old and die and still retain the intellect of 8 year olds. So there you have it.

I still retain the mental framework of an 18 year old. I don’t know if that’s why I watch the Disney channel. I think Disney just represents everything happy and joyous and sparkly to me … Tinkerbell and Neverland, fairies and pixie dust, princesses and castles and pretty pretty ballgowns.. I love it all. Always will. My best vacation would be a visit to Orlando’s Disney world with a tour of Universals Hogwarts thrown in. sighhh… I need to wait till the munchkins are old enough to enjoy it so I can disguise the visit as being for their benefit rather than mine. Unless they see through it and refuse to go, in which case I can always go alone.. (ecstatic gleam in eyes) hehehehe..

And hence I am eternally addicted to shows the likes of So Random & Wizards of Waverly Place. So Random is my favorite though. Do notice that i keep refering to it as So Random and not Sonny with a Chance which is its actual name :) That's how involved I am in that make believe world :) It just seems so simplistically funny :) the jokes are simple and don’t tax your brains and the slapstick style comedy always appealed to me. My husbands disgusted expression everytime he catches me watching it also provides a few extra laughs … hehehe..

And a funny thing happened on all the Disney shows. Over the summer all the cast members on each show (atleast the female ones) turned a funny shade of orange. I mean I remember thinking how fair skinned Demi Lovato was in season 1 and suddenly she really wasn’t. I mean … Orange. I don’t know if a demographic study suddenly showed Disney that orange skinned kids were considered cooler than regular skinned ones, but something must have triggered it. I am happy to say that in Camp rock 2 atleast the regular color is coming back. Guess it was a spray tan gone wrong on the whole cast. Funny.

I don’t understand tanning. It damages the skin, causes freckles and generally doesn’t really do much for you. I will never understand the logic of burning in the sun to get an even skin tone. You should just love the skin you’re in. Hopefully they’ll all come back to their natural skintones by fall. :)

:) I guess that’s it for the day.


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