oh boy oh boy oh boy *quizzical look

Its amazing. I recently discovered that I could email to my blog from just about anywhere and it would be posted and in order to celebrate that knowledge. I did just the opposite. I just disappeared for a long long stretch.

I really don’t know why I do that.

I guess it’s the “what comes easy will not be appreciated” syndrome. I wonder why that happens. All of a sudden it became cloudy in Lahore. I think. I cant even tell the weather anymore ensconced in the 4x4 walls of my cell J I think there’s a movie by that name as well. I think there’s a movie by every name out there. I feel the need to reach out and touch some lives. Orkut to the rescue.. *bleep… bad, bad server. No donut for you… bleep* great !

Now nothing works.
Ohmygoodness
I feel cut off from the world
From reality
From human existence
Ohmygoodness
All because of one malfunctioning server
What do I do
What do I do
Bhuuuuwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh dear oh my..
Sigh sigh sigh

Anyway ive just discovered bit torrents. I actually discovered them a while back as well but had no clue what to do with em so I let it go. Somehow I cant seem to keep a connection going for very long and the modem connections are only going so far.

I keep feeling somewhat all over the place. Its slightly sucky. And a bit sad. Cause I found out something that made me sad. Very sad. Sniff sniff sad. Ive always hated it when there are changes and you have to miss something that was previously an inherent part of your environment. But as they keep telling me.. the only thing constant is change.. yeah whatever. It’s a nice lingo but it sucks nonetheless.

I think the suns come out again. Its not often I get to see it. I think im going to be a hermit in my future existence and develop a healthy revulsion for sunlight. As it is I never get to see it. Its fun. Hmmm.. I am me… that’s who I am. I will not change.

I guess that’s the trick. In all this constant change the only thing you can actually rely on to be consistent is yourself. And I intend on holding onto me.. as in the person that I am with all my might and power. I am a damn nice person. And while I think sometimes that I have come across the scum of human debris I can still rise above the nasty feeling of disgust and look at it with sympathy rather than apathy. That’s a whole lotta meaning in one statement. But seriously… what do you do when you realize that the beings around you are less than the premium quality you would look for before inducting their existence in your already cluttered world.

I have already come across examples where I have decided against anything further than perfunctory how-dos. But its seriously trying.. like having to hold your nose amidst a pile of stinky smelly stuff. Makes you wonder about what logic you’re trying to sell yourself for placing yourself in such a position in the first place. I guess it’s the whole “I’ll compromise to an extent” logic. But why yaar… why?

Why would you want to be in a situation where you’re constantly watching your back?
Isn’t there more to life than just worrying about being stabbed and slaughtered in the shark pool?

What’s the whole idea in the poor working class having to put up with the bullshit of having ridiculously self-obsessed cretins around them whose only objective in life is to further their own Machiavellian interests at the cost of their humanity and others peace of mind?

I think we as individuals.. those amongst us who are laid back peaceful people… just take too much shit and don’t shovel enough out. But in retrospect at the end of the day that’s what makes us the happy joyful losers that we are. And I sincerely believe that at the bitter end as we watch others sail off into the sunset of their misbegotten achievements… we shall have the last laugh.. cause God’s on our side. So there. Take that you infidels.

I am happy. And joyful. Mashallah. And no one.. I mean NO ONE can keep me down for longer than 20 minutes. Unless you really piss me off.. in which case I wont be joyful till I’ve drawn your blood and painted graffiti with it. That only happens to me once or twice a year. But people should seriously try not to piss me off. It’s a piss off when they do.

Oh well… I guess we all have to deal with shit sometimes. Its part and parcel. The only saving grace is to keep detergent handy to wash away the stains and start anew with bright and nice smelling outfits. J

Take care kiddy poos

Cheerios

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

Reality strikes once more....

Life is funny... i realize that i've lost all semblance of the honesty of expression i used to display in the past. atleast im honest enough to admit that..

life is funny... there are many things that have happened in the past year and a half that have taken my breath away and made me thank the Lord Almighty for blessing us so many times over.. i feel blessed to the very core of my being..

whether its for him lowering the airline fares making my commuting lighter on the wallet, whether its him introducing new means of communications, whether its him blessing us with understanding love and support.. ive been blessed over and over again.. mashallah..

And sitting here right now over the rooftops of another coastal city.. in a slightly sterile yet comfortable hotel room, i realize that i'm not doing him or myself justice by holding back whatever honesty i have within me.. as usual its not in my control if you judge me.. it doesnt matter if you agree with me.. all that matters is that i had my say.. :)

the Lord works in mysterious ways.. ive had so many examples of his bounty that i am humbled beyond words.. i wont explain the ways and means that he has enlightened me with.. even with all my faith i am still wary of human nature and nazar lagaofication.. Allah mian humain apney hifz o aman mein rakhay..

But for all of you out there who feel even slightly abandoned or miffed with the big guy.. trust me... its just a matter of time before he lets you know the infinite ways in which you are already blessed.. you just have to open your eyes and take a look around.

There have been moments when i have doubted my self.. my abilities to perform my tasks in the different arenas of life... as a human being.. there have been moments when i have been low.. there have been moments where i have snuck into bathrooms and cried my eyes out and come out feeling much lighter.. but at the end of the day when i sit down to count my blessings i end up losing count.. MashAllah..

I challenge any of you to do the same and trust me when you start you'll realize the truth of what i'm talking about.

I'm at another juncture in my life where ive reached a whole new state of mind. its called peaceful contentment. sometimes nothing fazes me out... i think i would attribute this to the positive influence of my colleague next door.. i would count him as a blessing too.. its Gods way of telling me that people can be calm cool & collected and still manage to get all their work done so i should follow suit..

i still dont put any stock in what the world has to say about anything. Its still my life and will be lived according to Gods will and whatever i decide to do with it. i still have a very firm shield against heresay and random barbs shot out from the world at random. I neither encourage this nor participate in it.

And i am still.. for all its worth... happy within the deepest recesses of my soul.. because deep inside i am secure in the knowledge that all that matters is between me and my God.. and no one elses judgements thoughts whims or maliciousness has the power to alter the course of my life as charted out by the Almighty... and with that belief i am forever free..

I've said it before and i'll say it this once again.. you make yourself whatever you want to be. there are no have-to's in life.. only what we convince ourselves we need to do in order to be good in the eyes of the world. The world will always look at its gain first and you last. only you can guide your destiny.. only you can chart your path and make sure it means something.. and sometimes it doesnt have to mean anything.. just as long as you live happy and die happy and havent hurt anyone in between those two points. thats a good life lived..

Micheal jackson may be a funny man.. but in the "Man in the mirror" he captured what so many of us refuse to acknowledge every morning we wake up..

im looking at the man in the mirror
i'm asking him to make a change
cause no message could have been any clearer
if you want to make the world
a better place
take a look at yourself
and make a.... change..

take care kids.. and today.. do something honest..

Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004

THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD! :p

I had a really nice weekend.. i know ive been gone for a while.. but seriously guyz.. its not like any of you missed my incoherent ramblings anyways.. some of you may have :) which gives me a nice warm feeling in the pit of my tummy :)...

well for better or worse i'm back so deal with it.

And i had a really nice weekend. the biggest thing that happened was that I HAVE JUST FINISHED READING HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. YEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW.. i bought it the day it was released bright and early saturday morning from Paramount next to Aghas.

And i have this kid i met on a plane on friday to thank for it. Story goes.. i was on the flight to karachi and was sitting next to this 18 year old kid who was voraciously devouring as many newspapers as the air hostess could get for him. He'd just finished Dawn and moved on to the daily times when i saw a really small article on the side while shamelessly reading over his shoulder. The words Harry Potter caught my eye and when he started reading Wikkid i slightly moved the newspaper and asked to read the said piece which turned out to be a tirade against JK Rowling stating a blurring of lines between good & evil in her books. Thats when the kid told me that the Half Blood Prince was going to be released tomorrow (saturday) at Liberty books & Aghas and i could reserve a copy there.

At first i thought he was kidding. I mean i had just been raving about the whole Movies being released next door at the same time as in the US and here i was hearing that the biggest most anticipated book of the century (as you can see im quite potty over potter) was being released simultaneously in our great great country ... after the initial increduality and stupefication wore off i was quite pleasantly euphoric.

The kid in question turned out to be a really young looking 26 year old engineer/ex-investment banker now going into buyouts & outsourcing. I tell you kids today are really with it man. We had an interesting hours worth of conversation about business, harry potter, career choices, travel stress, etc. BUt the highlight of the whole encounter was that today i am sittin here after having FINISHED the latest installment of Harry Potter... YEEEEEHAAWWWWWWWWWWW...

Surprisingly the latest installment wasn't as dark and dreary as the Last two or as long. i think the goblet of fire & the order of the phoenix were a bit daunting in sheer size but this one was fluid. In fact i think it actually left me wanting more. i admit im not too happy with the whole dumbledore biting the dust phenomenon.. yeah yeah for those of you who just whacked yourselves on the head for reading my blog before you read the book... LOSERS... ure probably the last few people on earth who havent read it yet.

But otherwise life is good... im in a very happy place. I have this funny feeling of achievement which is directly attributable to the fact that Harry Potter was released in Pakistan at the same time as it was everywhere else across the world. I know i had absolutely nothing to do with it. But the simultaneous release of War of the Worlds and Harry Potter at the same time as the global release has somehow given me a funny sense of hope in these funny funny times of doubt and dreariness. somehow it just felt.. right.

On another flight from Isloo (stuck in economy and thanking God for it.. its tough getting a seat on this sector.. much less a busines class seat).. anyway i ws sitting next to this nice gentleman and the nice gentleman was using Warid which surprised me a bit since i didnt realize the penetration was up by that much.. so i did the prudent thing & asked him why he shifted to Warid.. If the deal was good enough i would have immediately shifted myself. He responded with a "i didnt have a choice with the matter but im very happy with the service". Turned out he was senior mgmt at Warid and they had some really big plans. Good for the consumer i say.

As he was a newly relocated family man to Lahore, i had all the sympathies in the world for him except not having had the euphoric experience of living in Karachi, i guess him & his family have a chance of having a relatively happy life in Lahore. Ahem... not that Lahore's a bad place to be these days.. i mean apart from the stifling stuffiness sometimes, when it rains its paradise for me.

But Karachi... ahhh... nothing can beat Karachi baby.. all wind no rain, but you still have air to breathe.. albiet polluted and less than the highest standard of pureness but airs air man.. you cant be so choosy about everything in life..

or can you /? eyebrow raised.. i think my one eyelid is larger than the other.. i prolly shouldnt say this here.. anyone reading this will forever after be staring at my eyelids.. well.. i always knew i wasnt a model or anything but its freaky having two different dimensions of eyelids.. i think its because i raise one eyebrow so thats developed stronger muscles as opposed to the other one... hmm... is there a cure for this..

i digress.. i actually have had plenty of moments of inspiration but no inclination to pen it all down.. i forgot how easy it was to write in notepad.. thats what i have resorted to now.. because the internet connection sucks most of the time.. it was interesting to note that GPRS on the phone was actually quite efficient and i was pleasantly surprised.. but at the end of the day a keyboard is a keyboard and i like my keyboard.

I am mortally sick of handsfrees.. i mean i think ive gone through about 10 jaali handsfrees for the nokia 9500 by now.. and its not ending anytime soon.. i am perfectly sick of the whole handsfree phenomenon... aaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh.. why cant the handsfrees works.. ok.. thats way too many s'ss in that one sentence...

Ok i be off me darlin's

Cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld

*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

Copyright © Fars - FS 2004