Thursday, July 28, 2005

oh boy oh boy oh boy *quizzical look

Its amazing. I recently discovered that I could email to my blog from just about anywhere and it would be posted and in order to celebrate that knowledge. I did just the opposite. I just disappeared for a long long stretch.

I really don’t know why I do that.

I guess it’s the “what comes easy will not be appreciated” syndrome. I wonder why that happens. All of a sudden it became cloudy in Lahore. I think. I cant even tell the weather anymore ensconced in the 4x4 walls of my cell J I think there’s a movie by that name as well. I think there’s a movie by every name out there. I feel the need to reach out and touch some lives. Orkut to the rescue.. *bleep… bad, bad server. No donut for you… bleep* great !

Now nothing works.
Ohmygoodness
I feel cut off from the world
From reality
From human existence
Ohmygoodness
All because of one malfunctioning server
What do I do
What do I do
Bhuuuuwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh dear oh my..
Sigh sigh sigh

Anyway ive just discovered bit torrents. I actually discovered them a while back as well but had no clue what to do with em so I let it go. Somehow I cant seem to keep a connection going for very long and the modem connections are only going so far.

I keep feeling somewhat all over the place. Its slightly sucky. And a bit sad. Cause I found out something that made me sad. Very sad. Sniff sniff sad. Ive always hated it when there are changes and you have to miss something that was previously an inherent part of your environment. But as they keep telling me.. the only thing constant is change.. yeah whatever. It’s a nice lingo but it sucks nonetheless.

I think the suns come out again. Its not often I get to see it. I think im going to be a hermit in my future existence and develop a healthy revulsion for sunlight. As it is I never get to see it. Its fun. Hmmm.. I am me… that’s who I am. I will not change.

I guess that’s the trick. In all this constant change the only thing you can actually rely on to be consistent is yourself. And I intend on holding onto me.. as in the person that I am with all my might and power. I am a damn nice person. And while I think sometimes that I have come across the scum of human debris I can still rise above the nasty feeling of disgust and look at it with sympathy rather than apathy. That’s a whole lotta meaning in one statement. But seriously… what do you do when you realize that the beings around you are less than the premium quality you would look for before inducting their existence in your already cluttered world.

I have already come across examples where I have decided against anything further than perfunctory how-dos. But its seriously trying.. like having to hold your nose amidst a pile of stinky smelly stuff. Makes you wonder about what logic you’re trying to sell yourself for placing yourself in such a position in the first place. I guess it’s the whole “I’ll compromise to an extent” logic. But why yaar… why?

Why would you want to be in a situation where you’re constantly watching your back?
Isn’t there more to life than just worrying about being stabbed and slaughtered in the shark pool?

What’s the whole idea in the poor working class having to put up with the bullshit of having ridiculously self-obsessed cretins around them whose only objective in life is to further their own Machiavellian interests at the cost of their humanity and others peace of mind?

I think we as individuals.. those amongst us who are laid back peaceful people… just take too much shit and don’t shovel enough out. But in retrospect at the end of the day that’s what makes us the happy joyful losers that we are. And I sincerely believe that at the bitter end as we watch others sail off into the sunset of their misbegotten achievements… we shall have the last laugh.. cause God’s on our side. So there. Take that you infidels.

I am happy. And joyful. Mashallah. And no one.. I mean NO ONE can keep me down for longer than 20 minutes. Unless you really piss me off.. in which case I wont be joyful till I’ve drawn your blood and painted graffiti with it. That only happens to me once or twice a year. But people should seriously try not to piss me off. It’s a piss off when they do.

Oh well… I guess we all have to deal with shit sometimes. Its part and parcel. The only saving grace is to keep detergent handy to wash away the stains and start anew with bright and nice smelling outfits. J

Take care kiddy poos

Cheerios

Princess of the GemWorld


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