legacy

ok so im opinionated. i know what i want sometimes. i have my dreams and i imagine
things to happen in a certain way. that certain way spells happiness for me. when
i face impediments in the way, especially unexpected ones, it disturbs me.. shakes up
my dreams and makes me unhappy.

im not a happy person when im unhappy. its an un-natural state for me. conversely
its the only state in which i feel like writing. the weather seems to reflect my
mood. they've got the Hudson on a tornado watch from 2:30pm to 6pm. the clouds are
rolling in.

the day was beautiful in the morning. perfect temperature with lots of breeze and
rustling leaves.. its 3:28pm right now and we can hear the thunder roll in the
distance as the sky gets darker and darker..

we did alot of cooking today. me and khals made mixed veggies with loads of masala
that we found in the freezer.. we made qeema with shimlay ki mirch.. we plonked in
Rivaj ka karahi gosht masala that we found in the freezer :) and then added
tomatoes and lemon pepper and salt.. and we made boneless chicken with corn in
Rivaj shahi korma masala with dahi and tomatoes and lots of other stuff and it all
turned out deliciously. frozen most of it and the some we will have tonight for
dinner.

i dont get that hungry here. i have to remind myself to continue drinking water
because its not hot most days and you dont get that hungry. must be careful though
on the water front. since the morning ive had a bowl of cereal at 11am when i woke
up and thats it. then i had some almonds just now.

the wind picked up and blasted across the back lawn that faces the river.. we ran
and closed all the windows. the rain came down like sheets for about 5 minutes and
now its slowed down to a drizzle. Thank God.. its a good sign and maybe the
tornado is not a problem anymore.

Khals is playing with itty bitty Aliya now.. shes adorable. very peaceful baby.
only yells when shes hungry and then she just wants to lie down and sleep. shes
started opening her eyes and staring at everyone now.. she has beautiful sleet
grayish bluish eyes right now. Asi's hoping she gets her dads green eyes :)

on Monday me and khals went to Manhattan. My first excursion beyond briarcliff
since i got here. it was niiice. we went shopping to the Nokia store and then i
went to Serendipity3 and had their Frrozen Hot Chocolate. i was expecting some
magical concoction of Hot and Cold all at the same time.. thinking back to 1984 i
remember once Asi's chacha took us for Hot Fudge Sundaes and that was amazing..
Hot fudge and cold icecream.. this wasnt the same. this was actually frozen hot
chocolate with a huge dollop of whipped cream on the top. But hey i had their
famous patented desert, and the best part was i got a table immediately since i was just one person and there wasnt that much of a rush. :) yippee.. you can see a picture of the famous desert over here http://www.serendipity3.com/ . it spans the SEDIP of the over all wordart :)

Anyway after that we went towards Grand Central again.. i'd already had my kosher hot dog of the day.. and we found halal chicken with rice and had that at the GCT. it was interesting. i felt the chicken should have been cleaned more.. but thats my mums legacy:). i brought the remainder home and cleaned it and kept it for a future sandwich.. which i have yet to make. its 4:19pm and i still havent eaten anything since breakfast. i think its the plethora of choices that makes one ambivalent.

i think about abu alot. i always have. i dont i will ever stop. hes always a flickr of a thought away. i had the most honorable wonderful loving man to call my father.. i am my fathers daughter and my fathers son. his legacy will not die with me.. it will continue through my children. they will carry his stamp and they will remember his goodness and learn to instill that in themselves. i know hes watching over us and especially me. i know how much he loves me. i hope Allah mian is keeping him busy in heaven making improvements to everything.. thats what abu loved doing.. continuous improvement of everything around him from the system of governance to the small things around the house to my marketing strategies :)

i love him. i miss him. i will never stop remembering him. and my children will know who their nana was and why he was so wonderful. his legacy will continue..

soft and steady rain now... i love rain.. i love cloudy days.. i love life.. i will fight to live it in the best way possible. I pray to Allah mian to protect my loved ones and all our homes and children.. let us all be blessed..

Princess of the GemWorld


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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:
GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld
From Pakistan: http://www.pkblogs.com/gemworld
Int'l : Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com
MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

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AC's in Office

Our Lahore office is HOT. i mean you start walking around and i atleast start sweating. And this without any heating being on..

 

Me n Emkay have started turning on the AC in our glass box to keep from melting away into mush. sigh sigh... then it gets too cold.. and the vent is right on top of my half of the glass box so guess who gets the brunt of the cold north wind..

 

i've been re-reading my Enid Blyton collection... just read The Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree and The Folk of the Faraway Tree. It was delicious... the land of goodies, the land of take what you want, the land of tea parties, the land of treats, The land of birthdays, oh joy oh joy... i loved going back to all those places again... now im reading the Wishing Chair, The Wishing Chair Again & The Wishing Chair Adventures.. its not as much fun as the Enchanted wood series... a little bit more of trouble and tension.. but its nice as well..

 

Also i go to Sunday bazaar every week trying to located my lost collection of Enid Blyton that got lost when i lost my crate of booksies all those years ago.. sighh...

 

I miss abu.. his face flashes before my eyes all the time... his strong jaw.. his eyes.. his smile.. i miss him so much.. i consciously stop myself from thinking too much about him not being there anymore... so it always feels like he's still here... i cant believe he'll never hold my child in his arms.. i cant believe it wont be him saying the azaan in its ears.. what am i going to do without him..

 

i feel numb sometimes and sometimes i feel like reaching out and hugging the world.. i miss my friends... we're all so busy all the time.. its always nice to meet up with sara.. its like being back in college...

 

the ultimate irony for both me and fais is that both our best friends have gotten married and are off to greener pastures.. its seriously unsettling.. like being set adrift in a stormy sea and having to reach out to unfamiliar floating twigs to try to stabilize yourself...

 

sighh... Lahore is great... it ws foggy when we landed.. i ran into someone i had worked with when Als and i had done the very first internship of our lives in 95 in SCB.. after 12 years... can you imagine.. life really moves on and just carries you along with it..

 

its kinda lovely that way.. i have soo many little little things to take care off on saturday... DACC bills to pay, earings to pick up, NADRA to visit, DHA, PIA, Registrars, darzi, state bank... sighhhh.... i like having a to do list, but it can be overwhelming sometimes, when you basically have only one working day to get it all done and a supremely sleepy hubby..

 

:) oh well.. how does readers digest put it.. All in a day's work ...

Cheerios

 

Princess of the GemWorld

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: Fariha GemWorld

From Pakistan: http://www.pkblogs.com/gemworld

Int'l : Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.live.com/

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I want to do nothing.

 

i want to be a nothing.

 

i want to cease to exist as an entity that requires food and nourishment or has responsibilities.

 

I want to be free of any sense of urgency, or stress.

 

i want to do nothing.

 

i want to just live... and die.

 

i want to go to heaven in the end.

 

i dont think thats an unreasonable request.

 

If i do nothing, i cant do anything wrong. hence everything would be right.. which equates to heaven.

 

i want to go to heaven and be with abu and thats it.

 

i want to do nothing else.

 

i am done.

 

i have nothing further i want to do.

 

except see rome. but i can live without that if i have to. i'll see it from above the clouds after im in heaven with abu. aerial views are better anyway.

 

i am tired now. i feel old and worn out. mentally and physically. i can keep deluding myself into thinking theres more to life and living, but it would be a delusion.

 

i am done. enough. now i want to do nothing.

 

but i want my data files, a computer and an internet connection. i guess thats not quite nothing.

 

why am i such a paradoxical being?
do i like confusing people?
do i derive some kind of sadistic pleasure out of it?

 

im not a sadistic person. i just want to do nothing. i'd like to exist in a bubble.
which never bursts. is that too much to ask?

 

i just want to feel protected and secure and at ease and safe and at peace.

 

i can be happy that way. i have nothing left to prove or any desire to prove it.

 

i know im good. i know im fragmented. its a legacy from abu. we have thought progression at the speed of light. i believe they call it ADT in todays fancy terms. Attention Deficit Disorder. i have a medical condition that has been officially diagnosed in other parts of the world. Here they call it being de-focused. or disrespectful.

 

i miss abu. my sanctuary. my safe haven from all the wrongs. my definition of all thats right. i could hug him and life would be filled with sunshine and daisies.. and everything would be hunky dory..

 

i dont want anything now. i dont want recognition and progression and success. i need money for meeting sustenance needs, but Allah mian should direct wire transfer that to my bank account.

 

i want to do nothing.

 

The end.

 

Princess of the GemWorld

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: GemWorld Fars

Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.msn.com

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cold days and hot showers

KHi is fine. in my estimation its still cold. im trying to be regular in my aerobic classes. run into soofia there sometimes. it'll take me atleast 10 years before i can even dream of being that fit.

 

i keep looking forward to piping hot water in the shower. when i go to LHR i usually loose all interest in showering at all. too damn cold. its a good thing most of trips one day trips. ive been eating smoked chicken and smoked cheese that i had brought over for me from dubai. i have a sandwich of that every day, twice a day. other wise i just had a bun kabab.. well half a bun kabab that my receptionist had bought for lunch. he had an extra one. :)

 

i went to sunday bazaar this sunday and bought two chicken suits, peach and pink. i called sara if she wanted to come but her cute little one had the flu systems so she was tending to him. so i went home to amis, had qeema sawaiyaan and then went to sunday bazaar with them. i had a plate of dahi bara with aaloo and chutney yumm.. i find myself craving dahi bara aaloo papri chat all the time. the other day i went to aerobics and on the way back i made faisal stop at chatkharey and i had that.

 

my legal troubles are in full swing. ive sent all the paperwork and am following up diligently with both citibank and union which is now standard chartered. geez. lets see if they end up taking me to court over this. life can only get so interesting yes.

 

i hate credit card companies. but i so far like Alfalah. They have been very good to me so far and their service is very good.

 

still doing the regular DHA & DAD works follow ups. Its a good thing i have a job and am not strapped for cash to put food on the table everyday. otherwise legal process takes a lifetime. 

 

sigh sigh.. i like cold weather but somehow im feeling colder than usual these days and thats not fun. 

 

ok.. catch you guyz later. ive lost interest and have nothing more to say. 

 

cheerios

Princess of the GemWorld 

 

 

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Fariha's Thoughts of the Day:

GoogleName: GemWorld Fars

Blogspot: http://gemworld.blogspot.com

MSN Space: http://gemworldfars.spaces.msn.com

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