Realm of the Soul

I want to do nothing.

i want to be a nothing.

i want to cease to exist as an entity that requires food and nourishment or has responsibilities.

I want to be free of any sense of urgency, or stress.

i want to do nothing.

i want to just live... and die.

i want to go to heaven in the end.

i dont think thats an unreasonable request.

If i do nothing, i cant do anything wrong. hence everything would be right.. which equates to heaven.

i want to go to heaven and be with abu and thats it.

i want to do nothing else.

i am done.

i have nothing further i want to do.

except see rome. but i can live without that if i have to. i'll see it from above the clouds after im in heaven with abu. aerial views are better anyway.

i am tired now. i feel old and worn out. mentally and physically. i can keep deluding myself into thinking theres more to life and living, but it would be a delusion.

i am done. enough. now i want to do nothing.

but i want my data files, a computer and an internet connection. i guess thats not quite nothing.

why am i such a paradoxical being?
do i like confusing people?
do i derive some kind of sadistic pleasure out of it?

im not a sadistic person. i just want to do nothing. i'd like to exist in a bubble.
which never bursts. is that too much to ask?

i just want to feel protected and secure and at ease and safe and at peace.

i can be happy that way. i have nothing left to prove or any desire to prove it.

i know im good. i know im fragmented. its a legacy from abu. we have thought progression at the speed of light. i believe they call it ADT in todays fancy terms. Attention Deficit Disorder. i have a medical condition that has been officially diagnosed in other parts of the world. Here they call it being de-focused. or disrespectful.

i miss abu. my sanctuary. my safe haven from all the wrongs. my definition of all thats right. i could hug him and life would be filled with sunshine and daisies.. and everything would be hunky dory..

i dont want anything now. i dont want recognition and progression and success. i need money for meeting sustenance needs, but Allah mian should direct wire transfer that to my bank account.

i want to do nothing.

The end.

Princess of the GemWorld

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