Realm of the Soul: Life sucks..

Friday, November 10, 2006

Life sucks..

i seem to be stuck in delirium.. i feel kinda nauseous all the time.. i dont know if its because im sick of life.. cause im not... i just think i need to exercise. seriously. except i dont qualify for a club membership yet... life sucks..

i feel like a chicken, graded and de-graded.. there are so many little things in life which can sneak up on you and make you feel silly.. like everything... my new found vagueness doesnt help me much.. i cant seem to break the mould and say i will be honest... because i cant find it within me to lay all of out on the blog page to be judged and drawn and quartered.. i think i want to eat chinese.. theres nothing wrong with wanting to eat chinese. except i dont know if i want to eat it at home or outside..

i dont meet my friends much anymore... everytime i get up from work i feel the call of hunger calling me to the closest eating zone.. whether its home or outside, doesnt matter.. each day the call keeps coming.. and then once you eat u want to sleep.. its natural.. all the blood rushes to your tummy and its sleepy time..

so my socialization is at an all time low.. soon everyone will forget i ever existed and then i can die in peace and no one will even come to the funeral.. people say we should look to the future.. i did.. it told me i had 20 yrs left to live and i suddenly realized that wasnt really enough time to undo all the wrongs i had done in the past 29 and go to heaven and be with abu. i dont know what to do.. as it is its all downhill from here.

i find myself waking up in the middle of the night... i pray.. started with tahajjud prayers and manage to do fajr as well. then the morning comes and Allah and his haq somehow slips the mind until its night again. and life goes on..

when will i grow up.. when will i do my own laundry? when will cook a meal on a daily basis? when will i ever grow up? is that what growing up is?

i pay the bills! is that being grown up? i try to do stuff around the house. kinda. mostly i just lie in front of the TV feeling unfit and sleepy and asking mums for supper.. sighhhh...

can i ever be grown up ... somehow i doubt it..

Princess of the GemWorld

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