the long & short of it all..

its at the most innocuous times in your life that you realize that life is a constant series of highs n lows... like the dunes of the desert.

In retrospect, the desert is the best metaphor for the human life span that i have ever come across. Just saw the end of "The flight of the Phoenix" on cable with Dennis Quaid. one minute the dunes have a certain shape and rhythm.. the next theres a storm that blows your entire world apart and changes the very face of the terrain you sought to call your own. its no better or worse. just mindblowingly unfamiliar. and thats what happens in life on a semi daily basis.

there are two types of people in this world. one the kind that obsesses on every mistake they ever made, and either get depressed and kill themselves or correct every single shortcoming they come across and attain the success that few even aspire to. Two are the kind that focus wholely and solely on forgetting all the mishaps and mistakes they ever made and try to be as happy as they can, ignoring their shortcomings and resign themselves to a life of average achievement and balance.

Neither is wrong. if you are a type A or a Type B personality, youre not wrong either way. Its just who you are. But while the Type As in this world may be responsible for propelling the world forward into the next century, they are probably also responsible for disbalanced households, traumatized childhoods & psychosomatic stress & diahrea for everyone around them.

Type B personalities can be credited with making the world go round on a daily basis without too many accelerations in between. they can be held responsible for repeating mistakes, not having too much vision, being too focused on today and not enough on tomorrow, but they'll be happier people because they focus on the day at hand and try to make it as rich as possible.

You can be either and believe you lived a good life. so its no biggie.. but when the dunes change, they change for everyone. so one fine day both types wake up and its like woah.. whered my dune go.. i HATE that feeling..

it means you have to remap your entire life.. decide what stays and what goes as youre forced to go through your closets in a spring cleaning session and get rid of everything that could possibly slow you down as you embark on this new chapter in your desert safari.

Now since all of us have that vision of the ideal existence entrenched in our minds, anything that remotely poses a deviation can send our puny little minds into cyclonic frenzy.. like someone took a finger and swirled it around in your head.. that phrase is borrowed from a movie or tv show that i own. i happen to like it alot.. the line not the sensation.

And these days it happens alot. i dont know the answer... my philosophy of life revolves around the find your happiness everyday and leave the rest to Allah mian.. but others can make you feel really stupid for not having the vision or drive to plan out every element of your future existance.. thats where the finger swirling in head phrase comes into play.

Its also got something to do with aging. my teeth hurt, my head hurts, my gums hurt, sometimes my knees hurt.. i think im old and coming apart rapidly at the seams.. so far the way i was looking at life was.. cool another 30 years and i'll be dead..

but in certain moments it turns to what happens if i start doing something different and suddenly being dead at 60 becomes such a far away reality because you have to live through the consequences of the decision you are making today for the next 32 years.

Am i wrong? to be happy in the moment.. to not be planning.. to not giving overdue importance to where my next salary will come from or who will backstab me next.. are those people better off who dont trust anyone and watch their backs all the time and do whatever the hell it takes to get ahead in the workplace and the world.. are they happier.. are their families better taken care off.. is their life better lived than mine..

i dont want to live a life of stress.. i dont want to wake up everyday and feel like crawling back into my blankets.. i want to rise and shine and walk out into a garden take a beautiful deep breath and embrace the day.. hopefully the sun will quickly be covered with clouds.. because i prefer cloudy days vs sunny ones which give me headaches.. and the way i see it, its not too much to ask.

so heres where i make an executive decision. Good luck to all those who think through everything they do down to the last letter... as for me im going to go on bumbling through my life with a silly smile on my face til i croak..

May Allah mian guide my every step and keep me and my loved ones safe and blessed..

Princess of the GemWorld


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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

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