Had a long discussion on the feasibility of investment in iraqi dinars today. With the "khayali pulao" profits we predicted, we bought a couple of merc's, a ferrari, a really nice mustang fresh off ebay and a house - spanish style - in defence. Granted the payoff was projected on a time line as long as 10 years, but hey, why not :) dreaming is good practice for living.
Today i also met someone who literally lives salary to salary on a near to 0 account balance like moi... the difference between us is that he also had a wife and kid to support.. Car freak that he is, he sits and dreams about the day when the WTO brings the walls of tarriffs crashing down and he can buy all the cars hes been prospecting on ebay for so many years :). Lovely gentleman, and a great dreamer... and truly if you dont have dreams, you're really not worth knowing.
Dreams are so cool.. like i keep dreaming one day i might hear my mum say oh goodness you're so thin, you should eat more" *big guffaw.. yeahh.. like thats EVER gonna happen. But i believe in dreams... i'm so good i can dream with my eyes wide open.. regardless of where i am or whats happening around me. Meeting with projectors and no lights are prime opportunities to exercise my dream muscles.. :) And i cant emphasize this enough... realists will scoff at dreamers, but its only the dreamers that can imagine and then bring the imagination to life... so dream away.. and who cares if people make fun of you.. when you drive away in your Z3 one day with the wind softly ruffling your hair.. or not in case you dont have any... you will have the last laugh... so there :p
Today is valentines day and my cousins getting married tonight so i'll make it brief, coz i gotta run and get dressed... Its been a surreal day... no flowers but i got a couple of emails and sms from random people :) funny how generic mass sms's can even make your day ... i'm trying to bulldoze my friends into getting me atleast a box of chocolates so i can pretend i got something.. lol:)... Then it felt it was April 1st all of a sudden... i wont explain :)
And now i have to go.. iraqi dinars huh :) i remember being a millionaire in Turkey.. i liked how that felt ;)
take care all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Ashes to ashes... dust to dust
My eyes are swollen today... yesterday night i made the mistake of turning on my TV at 2 am and got hooked on to a showing of Kal ho na ho... as the first tear flowed down Shahrukh Khans face, my tear ducts went into overdrive..
Although this morning according to my chota sales kid, that situation would never happen in real life.. i believe he was referring to someone on their death bed being so freaking energetic and all over the place.. but that wouldnt stop me from bawling my eyes out the next time either...
Today at 11am an era came to an end. My dadi jan is 7 brothers and sisters.. her eldest brother Z dada passed away early this morning after giving in to throat cancer. His passing was thankfully peaceful since he'd passed into a coma 2 days ago and his suffering hadnt been elongated since the diagnosis had been only earlier this year. The cancer was a rare rapid growth type and in retrospect our elders say that was behtar because he didnt have to bear elongated suffering. He was over 90 Mashallah... and very very loving.
All seven brothers and sisters were together in these last few days.. all seven. Having lived through sooo much together, my mind seems boggled by the enormity of their lives.. Born and married in undivided India, they all migrated with their children at partition and made their lives here. But family has always been paramount for the Shah clan and i hope that we the children carry even a fraction of that passion and honor within us, because in this time and age when families take a back seat to everything else, my dadis family kept itself close knit and loving and thats something wonderful.
I remember Z dada... When we were younger he lived in Bleak house and all us kids used to love playing in that grand old place... old British Architecture.. there were so many places to hide.. high ceilings kept every thing cool.. the garden had ducks... that hit you with their beaks.. and it hurt too.. Z dada was called Bul-dada by the little kids coz he always kept balloons for us i think... he and Salma Dadi have wonderful children and wonderful grand children.. His kids for me truly personify the Shah family spirit... they are the most loving amazing chachas and pophi/chachi that i have... their homes are havens for the rest of the family... their hearts are even bigger..
They're rare individuals and i'm blessed... i'm very very blessed that i had the honor of calling this family my own...
I've never had to watch someones passing.. but thats what we did this time. We waited. And we prayed that when the time came it would be easy and painless... i was blessed enough to be able to be in Lahore for a day a few days ago. It was a good day. He came to the table to have his tea with the family.. he read the newspaper magnifying glass and all.. he tried talking a little bit ... he faded slowly in the days that followed but his mind was alert.. he still read his paper, although he didnt make it to the table for tea..
His continuing concern and wish was to make it to his grandaughters wedding which is in a few days. Even in the last few days he would suddenly say that he had to go to the wedding because he promised her he would be ther. And he left strict instructions that the marriage will take place regardless of his condition. The family intends to honor that wish. His passing was peaceful and we all thank Allah for that.. May Allah mian be kind to him and may heaven await him...
Aa-meen..
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Although this morning according to my chota sales kid, that situation would never happen in real life.. i believe he was referring to someone on their death bed being so freaking energetic and all over the place.. but that wouldnt stop me from bawling my eyes out the next time either...
Today at 11am an era came to an end. My dadi jan is 7 brothers and sisters.. her eldest brother Z dada passed away early this morning after giving in to throat cancer. His passing was thankfully peaceful since he'd passed into a coma 2 days ago and his suffering hadnt been elongated since the diagnosis had been only earlier this year. The cancer was a rare rapid growth type and in retrospect our elders say that was behtar because he didnt have to bear elongated suffering. He was over 90 Mashallah... and very very loving.
All seven brothers and sisters were together in these last few days.. all seven. Having lived through sooo much together, my mind seems boggled by the enormity of their lives.. Born and married in undivided India, they all migrated with their children at partition and made their lives here. But family has always been paramount for the Shah clan and i hope that we the children carry even a fraction of that passion and honor within us, because in this time and age when families take a back seat to everything else, my dadis family kept itself close knit and loving and thats something wonderful.
I remember Z dada... When we were younger he lived in Bleak house and all us kids used to love playing in that grand old place... old British Architecture.. there were so many places to hide.. high ceilings kept every thing cool.. the garden had ducks... that hit you with their beaks.. and it hurt too.. Z dada was called Bul-dada by the little kids coz he always kept balloons for us i think... he and Salma Dadi have wonderful children and wonderful grand children.. His kids for me truly personify the Shah family spirit... they are the most loving amazing chachas and pophi/chachi that i have... their homes are havens for the rest of the family... their hearts are even bigger..
They're rare individuals and i'm blessed... i'm very very blessed that i had the honor of calling this family my own...
I've never had to watch someones passing.. but thats what we did this time. We waited. And we prayed that when the time came it would be easy and painless... i was blessed enough to be able to be in Lahore for a day a few days ago. It was a good day. He came to the table to have his tea with the family.. he read the newspaper magnifying glass and all.. he tried talking a little bit ... he faded slowly in the days that followed but his mind was alert.. he still read his paper, although he didnt make it to the table for tea..
His continuing concern and wish was to make it to his grandaughters wedding which is in a few days. Even in the last few days he would suddenly say that he had to go to the wedding because he promised her he would be ther. And he left strict instructions that the marriage will take place regardless of his condition. The family intends to honor that wish. His passing was peaceful and we all thank Allah for that.. May Allah mian be kind to him and may heaven await him...
Aa-meen..
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Too many books...
I love books... always have... from the time i was 5 and couldnt read to now..
that was a traumatic experience.. i didnt know how to read english and my khals put me into PS23 in staten island for 6 weeks when we went to visit NY back in '84. The language barrier aside, 1st grade wasnt a bad place to be. You got lucky charms for a midday snack after which everyone had to put their heads on their desks and nap.. I mean does life GET any better than this :)
Anyway, one fine day i got this book about a circus from the library and obviously when you cant read, everything looks like Greek to you.. the pictures were nice and i'm sitting there staring at the Greek like if i stare long enough it'll start making cohesive sense.. well.. THAT didnt happen... so i went to my mom like all kids do.. and she looks at me and says Did you finish the 100 pages of home work that i told you to do (even though the school only requires 5 pages but thats not the point)... i mutely shook my head in negation and she said well im not reading it to you then..
so i sat there.. sad.. illiterate :) staring at the little squiggles in the book that just wouldnt start making sense.. Far be it from me to actually make the effort to finish the 100 pages... oh nooo.. i just sat and stared at the circus lions.. after considerable time elasped, mummy dearest took pity on me (as all mummies are apt to doing) and read me the story... :) yayyy..
I have always loved books.. and ive been quite predictable about them too.. Im quite a mainstream person who tries hard to be cool by not coming across as mainstream.. but deep down inside.. im pretty mainstream... I will however try anything once... and thats why ive read way more books than the average person.. even Jane Eyre (literary classic aside, that book is to reading what karailas are to vegetables... bitter and unsavory unless treated right... ) Amazingly i managed to finish the unabridged version and actually enjoyed the writing style... Thanks to my NY cousins annual summer reading list, which they studiously brought along every summer but refused to touch, i read alot of great books i prolly wouldnt have touched otherwise.. The fact that they were on my cousins summer reading list somehow infused them with a certain coolness which would otherwise have been lacking :) ...
so thanks to inferred coolness i read up on Greek Mythology, Judy Blume, Ramona, Ulysses, Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm, Anne of Green Gables, Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, etc etc... and loved every minute..
My favorite anecdote from those days was when my cousin shaz called me at 7am in the morning from NY and said Remember that book you read this summer, gimme the summary. I have to submit it tomorrow.. lol.. amidst rolling on the floor with laughter, i narrated the entire story of a book i hadnt even read properly (Something about some kid called jacob.. it was damn boring)... That 20 minute long distance phone call is something i still havent forgotten... My cousin is still as nutty as she was back then :) mashallah ...
The rest of my childhood was largely overshadowed by Enid Blyton (who i love with every fibre of my being to this day). I had the entire famous five, five findouters, secret seven, the enchanted wood series, the magic faraway tree, the wishing chair series, Mr. Gallianos circus.. i LOVED those books.. when we came to karachi and shifted into our new house after abu retired, my entire carton was lost in the move in 1996. Its something that hurts to this day. Although to tell the truth i've run out of places to keep my books now.. but that was my entire childhood... Mallory towers and St. Clares... the naughtiest girl.. DAMMIT!.
I'm determined to build that collection back up slowly. I'll leave Famous Five and Secret Seven out of it, but the rest i will recollect.. from sunday bazaar and other places..
If any of you have any books you think i could be interested in, please donate..
love you guyz take care..
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
that was a traumatic experience.. i didnt know how to read english and my khals put me into PS23 in staten island for 6 weeks when we went to visit NY back in '84. The language barrier aside, 1st grade wasnt a bad place to be. You got lucky charms for a midday snack after which everyone had to put their heads on their desks and nap.. I mean does life GET any better than this :)
Anyway, one fine day i got this book about a circus from the library and obviously when you cant read, everything looks like Greek to you.. the pictures were nice and i'm sitting there staring at the Greek like if i stare long enough it'll start making cohesive sense.. well.. THAT didnt happen... so i went to my mom like all kids do.. and she looks at me and says Did you finish the 100 pages of home work that i told you to do (even though the school only requires 5 pages but thats not the point)... i mutely shook my head in negation and she said well im not reading it to you then..
so i sat there.. sad.. illiterate :) staring at the little squiggles in the book that just wouldnt start making sense.. Far be it from me to actually make the effort to finish the 100 pages... oh nooo.. i just sat and stared at the circus lions.. after considerable time elasped, mummy dearest took pity on me (as all mummies are apt to doing) and read me the story... :) yayyy..
I have always loved books.. and ive been quite predictable about them too.. Im quite a mainstream person who tries hard to be cool by not coming across as mainstream.. but deep down inside.. im pretty mainstream... I will however try anything once... and thats why ive read way more books than the average person.. even Jane Eyre (literary classic aside, that book is to reading what karailas are to vegetables... bitter and unsavory unless treated right... ) Amazingly i managed to finish the unabridged version and actually enjoyed the writing style... Thanks to my NY cousins annual summer reading list, which they studiously brought along every summer but refused to touch, i read alot of great books i prolly wouldnt have touched otherwise.. The fact that they were on my cousins summer reading list somehow infused them with a certain coolness which would otherwise have been lacking :) ...
so thanks to inferred coolness i read up on Greek Mythology, Judy Blume, Ramona, Ulysses, Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm, Anne of Green Gables, Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, etc etc... and loved every minute..
My favorite anecdote from those days was when my cousin shaz called me at 7am in the morning from NY and said Remember that book you read this summer, gimme the summary. I have to submit it tomorrow.. lol.. amidst rolling on the floor with laughter, i narrated the entire story of a book i hadnt even read properly (Something about some kid called jacob.. it was damn boring)... That 20 minute long distance phone call is something i still havent forgotten... My cousin is still as nutty as she was back then :) mashallah ...
The rest of my childhood was largely overshadowed by Enid Blyton (who i love with every fibre of my being to this day). I had the entire famous five, five findouters, secret seven, the enchanted wood series, the magic faraway tree, the wishing chair series, Mr. Gallianos circus.. i LOVED those books.. when we came to karachi and shifted into our new house after abu retired, my entire carton was lost in the move in 1996. Its something that hurts to this day. Although to tell the truth i've run out of places to keep my books now.. but that was my entire childhood... Mallory towers and St. Clares... the naughtiest girl.. DAMMIT!.
I'm determined to build that collection back up slowly. I'll leave Famous Five and Secret Seven out of it, but the rest i will recollect.. from sunday bazaar and other places..
If any of you have any books you think i could be interested in, please donate..
love you guyz take care..
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Shares and snares
Can you believe it... i discovered blogging in december and this months spider, dawn review, and daily times sunday mag are all about Blogs... Like am i a trendsetter or what :p
Truth to tell the view of bloggers in Dawns article was hilarious.. i would classify my self as a obsessive compulsive blogger who rambles on about everything under the sun. Well thats what blogging is for doofuses...
I found my cute little flower shaped ring again in Park towers... I keep buying it and losing it all over the place.. the last time i lost it was in the transit lounge ladies room at Bangkok airport... by the time i remembered we were already on the escalater of no return and since my CEO was with me, i couldnt very well announce i'd left my belongings in the ladies room and start descending backwards down the escalater again... so with a heavy heart i bid adieu to flower ring #3.
This would be flower ring #4.. I will endeavor to be more careful this time.. (thats what i always say... yet another reason for me never to wear anything but artificial rings)
Ive decided to invest. So far all i did with my money was spend it. Accumulate and spend. Zero Balance is a term very close to my heart now.. so i thought how about some safe little financial investment. The last time i HYPOTHETICALLY invested in stocks, i nearly got an ulcer watching the trading going up and down... that day to this day i have never bought stock on the open market... EVER... nor do i plan to ..
So lets see where the market takes us..
In other discoveries, on a recent visit to Park Towers we realized just how tall Dr. A was... He had to bend his big head under the beams in the parking to be able to reach the entrance... I dunno... he doesnt seem that tall in real life, you know what i mean...
For those of you who want to develop a semi-fanatic following of the stock market go to www.kse.com.pk... well built site.. :)
Ok i'm going to go now and try to live in the real world for a couple of hours. Thats the most i can take in one stretch... horribly sunny outside.. birdies are chirping though... mums in the kitchen... nanos sleeping.. its a sleepy saturday afternoon.. nice..not bad.. days like this dont leave much space for meandering prose :) or self doubts and stress...
They just make everything seem sublime and warm ... and possible.. like a florida sunset..
Me goest and floatest in the light light day...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Truth to tell the view of bloggers in Dawns article was hilarious.. i would classify my self as a obsessive compulsive blogger who rambles on about everything under the sun. Well thats what blogging is for doofuses...
I found my cute little flower shaped ring again in Park towers... I keep buying it and losing it all over the place.. the last time i lost it was in the transit lounge ladies room at Bangkok airport... by the time i remembered we were already on the escalater of no return and since my CEO was with me, i couldnt very well announce i'd left my belongings in the ladies room and start descending backwards down the escalater again... so with a heavy heart i bid adieu to flower ring #3.
This would be flower ring #4.. I will endeavor to be more careful this time.. (thats what i always say... yet another reason for me never to wear anything but artificial rings)
Ive decided to invest. So far all i did with my money was spend it. Accumulate and spend. Zero Balance is a term very close to my heart now.. so i thought how about some safe little financial investment. The last time i HYPOTHETICALLY invested in stocks, i nearly got an ulcer watching the trading going up and down... that day to this day i have never bought stock on the open market... EVER... nor do i plan to ..
So lets see where the market takes us..
In other discoveries, on a recent visit to Park Towers we realized just how tall Dr. A was... He had to bend his big head under the beams in the parking to be able to reach the entrance... I dunno... he doesnt seem that tall in real life, you know what i mean...
For those of you who want to develop a semi-fanatic following of the stock market go to www.kse.com.pk... well built site.. :)
Ok i'm going to go now and try to live in the real world for a couple of hours. Thats the most i can take in one stretch... horribly sunny outside.. birdies are chirping though... mums in the kitchen... nanos sleeping.. its a sleepy saturday afternoon.. nice..not bad.. days like this dont leave much space for meandering prose :) or self doubts and stress...
They just make everything seem sublime and warm ... and possible.. like a florida sunset..
Me goest and floatest in the light light day...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Carousels
Did you ever feel like life was a merry go round and you wanted off.
i did. just now. a second ago. Making decisions sucks... bigtime. I'll never be a bigshot corporate executive. I hate making decisions. Unless it impacts no one but me. like buying a hershey bar. thats ok. anything beyond that totally psyches me out.
yikes.
sigh sigh... im such a loser...
i know i go on about not giving in to fear, but fear consumes me sometimes... the kind of fear that rises from deep within the pit of your stomach and slowly curls out its tendrils and consumes you whole... fear of failure, of disappointing those you care about... But slowly i lay it to rest ... slowly but surely..
Have so many dreams you know :) practically pouring outta my ears.. * along with some much needed brain cells... *stuffing ear plugs in ears.. Im hard of hearing already so it wont make too much of a difference...
The other day Dr. A told me i had weak eyesight... based on the free eyetest i had done at the free eyetest booth at the Ikea fountain at the dubai city centre... for one whole day my left eye felt like it was popping outta my head. So to salvage whatever was left of my power of sight, i went to a local optician.. the Optec guy next to Aghas.. and the Dr. there tested my eyes first on the computer thingy and then manually.. and told me i had a 6+ vision thingy... like i have supergirl eyesight dammit... no axis shmaxis whatsoever... *glare sent to Dr. A... take that Dr. A! :P
There will be some changes soon... inshallah for the better... lets see where life takes us next... at the end of the day i remain an army brat and new horizons excite me like nothing else.. im hoping new horizons mean somewhere in europe :) ... well we can hope cant we...
what is a human without a dream... (not an insomniac for sure i tell you.. :)
ok im getting corny now.. so im off... last night of staying up late and sleeping in late.. its been a hell of a lazy week :)
cheerios sweeties
Princess of the GemWorld
i did. just now. a second ago. Making decisions sucks... bigtime. I'll never be a bigshot corporate executive. I hate making decisions. Unless it impacts no one but me. like buying a hershey bar. thats ok. anything beyond that totally psyches me out.
yikes.
sigh sigh... im such a loser...
i know i go on about not giving in to fear, but fear consumes me sometimes... the kind of fear that rises from deep within the pit of your stomach and slowly curls out its tendrils and consumes you whole... fear of failure, of disappointing those you care about... But slowly i lay it to rest ... slowly but surely..
Have so many dreams you know :) practically pouring outta my ears.. * along with some much needed brain cells... *stuffing ear plugs in ears.. Im hard of hearing already so it wont make too much of a difference...
The other day Dr. A told me i had weak eyesight... based on the free eyetest i had done at the free eyetest booth at the Ikea fountain at the dubai city centre... for one whole day my left eye felt like it was popping outta my head. So to salvage whatever was left of my power of sight, i went to a local optician.. the Optec guy next to Aghas.. and the Dr. there tested my eyes first on the computer thingy and then manually.. and told me i had a 6+ vision thingy... like i have supergirl eyesight dammit... no axis shmaxis whatsoever... *glare sent to Dr. A... take that Dr. A! :P
There will be some changes soon... inshallah for the better... lets see where life takes us next... at the end of the day i remain an army brat and new horizons excite me like nothing else.. im hoping new horizons mean somewhere in europe :) ... well we can hope cant we...
what is a human without a dream... (not an insomniac for sure i tell you.. :)
ok im getting corny now.. so im off... last night of staying up late and sleeping in late.. its been a hell of a lazy week :)
cheerios sweeties
Princess of the GemWorld
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
post eid blog
it came... it went... we slaughtered.
that just about summarizes the whole 3 day eid festival this year. i call this one the sleepy eid... basically cause everyone just eats and sleeps... and thanks to kashmir day, its been one long sleepfest...
somehow or the other, this eid ends up being a major competition between all my friends as to whos lazier.. detailed notes are compared on the number of hours slept... meals skipped... and phone calls avoided. The king of the lazies award is usually nabbed by the out of towners whose sole purpose of existence when back in Pakistan is to SLEEP. They know who they are.... and they are not alone. :)
I got some questions as to how the the Alumni dinner went. It was pretty damn good. Fun fun. Saw lots of old faces, as expected. And no ones changed much. Well... most havent changed much...
It was like being stuck in a time warp and you walk around in a haze saying to your self, "everything looks the same... everyone looks the same"... thats just your retarded way of convincing yourself you dont look any older than you did 8 years ago.. which is just bullshit..
But thats seriously what its like... a slowmo hazy version of reality as it was... and unless you enjoy that kind of thing... which i do.. but most of my friends dont... you're not going to have too much fun at it...
But seriously guyz... everyone looked the same... lol :)
So now we're at Day 2 and counting... I love karachi you know.. How many amongst you would pack your bags and leave karachi for someplace else.. like say lahore.. and not regret it EVERY SINGLE DAY...
I'd like to know the answer to that one..
Agreed some decisions in life are taken with a pinch of salt... and some require deep reflection...
well there are some that just confuse the beejeesus outta you and leave you no where, no matter how hard you think...
Im off.. awaiting a barrage of well wishers and must be prepared to greet them...
love you guyz...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
that just about summarizes the whole 3 day eid festival this year. i call this one the sleepy eid... basically cause everyone just eats and sleeps... and thanks to kashmir day, its been one long sleepfest...
somehow or the other, this eid ends up being a major competition between all my friends as to whos lazier.. detailed notes are compared on the number of hours slept... meals skipped... and phone calls avoided. The king of the lazies award is usually nabbed by the out of towners whose sole purpose of existence when back in Pakistan is to SLEEP. They know who they are.... and they are not alone. :)
I got some questions as to how the the Alumni dinner went. It was pretty damn good. Fun fun. Saw lots of old faces, as expected. And no ones changed much. Well... most havent changed much...
It was like being stuck in a time warp and you walk around in a haze saying to your self, "everything looks the same... everyone looks the same"... thats just your retarded way of convincing yourself you dont look any older than you did 8 years ago.. which is just bullshit..
But thats seriously what its like... a slowmo hazy version of reality as it was... and unless you enjoy that kind of thing... which i do.. but most of my friends dont... you're not going to have too much fun at it...
But seriously guyz... everyone looked the same... lol :)
So now we're at Day 2 and counting... I love karachi you know.. How many amongst you would pack your bags and leave karachi for someplace else.. like say lahore.. and not regret it EVERY SINGLE DAY...
I'd like to know the answer to that one..
Agreed some decisions in life are taken with a pinch of salt... and some require deep reflection...
well there are some that just confuse the beejeesus outta you and leave you no where, no matter how hard you think...
Im off.. awaiting a barrage of well wishers and must be prepared to greet them...
love you guyz...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Monday, February 02, 2004
Eid Mubarak!!
Eid Mubarak every one
Thanks for all your lovely greetings, emails, cards, sms's, etc..
Its lovely to be remembered on lovely occasions...
Wishing you and your families the very best in life... May Allah Bless us all..
Amen...
Cheers!
Fariha
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Thanks for all your lovely greetings, emails, cards, sms's, etc..
Its lovely to be remembered on lovely occasions...
Wishing you and your families the very best in life... May Allah Bless us all..
Amen...
Cheers!
Fariha
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Friday, January 30, 2004
Purani jeans aur Guitar
:) we have our Alumni function today.
I wont talk long. Im excited. I think :) will get to see faces of yore, dreams of yesterday mising with the reality of today in one mesmerising evening. Ok that may be a bit of an oversell but still...
"Yeh cbm key din buht yaad aaein gey"... the words still resonate through our heads... and we think back often to those bryan adams blasting in cars cruising down sea view nights... we were nuts...
more vivid memories come flowing back... statistics final.. 3am chicken karahi at boat basin.. iftaris at cash's.. basant and ripping people off by pretending to be qualified palmists... valentines day dress code red... crabbing trips... every trip we had atleast one person fall in the dirty smelly kaemari water :) ... that was usually the highlight of the whole event...
The grad fests 99 and 2000... the graduation.. the gowns... the birthdays and the incessant birthday surprises... the midnight clock striking 12 ones that my father never understood why we had to have... "itney baray ho gaiy ho tum log. kab khatam karo gey" :)
Abu driving me to my group study sessions, to mehndis, shaadis, birthdays, concerts... My Dads the best... hes a jan... I dont know ANYONE as lucky as me... mashallah..
Term report crashes... days and days of networked computers and borrowed printers... groggy eyes and befuddled minds... the mad dash to make it to the presentation on time... the euphoric elation of walking out of one and knowing you nailed the A...
But mostly just Bryan Adams :) cinnamon singing "lets make a night" on the top of her lungs in the cafeteria... still remember our disbelief when that album came out. we refused to believe it was bryan adams.. i mean like hello!... "i wanna be.. " was a bit off the beaten track for him you know..
Going to the DHABBBAAAAAA... damn i love that place... STILL... the unda tamater... ooh la la... ooh ooh.. GOD... i want some RIGHT NOW.... Still remember the first semester... all the BBA 1 guyz telling us not to eat the Qeema Aaloo .. "the dog population is going down.. " we ate it anyway ... :)
Texas Dhabba with its awesome unda channa... the prawn biryani that could be had wayyy at the korangi pier... awesome... having breakfast at the dhabba some days... i remember we werent allowed to leave the premises once and we called the little kid over by shouting from our college walls.. which were actually quite low and he delivered our unda tamater and pirathas to us with doodh patti inside on a nice little tray ... awesome breakfast...
I remember all the ciggarette addicts used to huddle together in the winters .. lol.. passing around the little peice of rolled up tobacco like it was the panacea for all their ailments... remember when ppl ha dtheir registrations cancelled coz they got caught smoking on campus...
Remember when the store room at the back burned down thanks to these ciggy freaks :) lol... remember the Worm Club... remember the Voice and the Vice.. remember the Arms and the Man... remember the in house talent shows.. remember the antakshris in the hallways... remember cash teaching some people accounts... Remember lovers point lol... remember the stories about there being heart shaped rocks there...
Remember when personal development forced tulsi to ruuunnnn... while the rest of us stood and sniggered... remember "nobody loves me"... remember lounging around in the hallways... remember being thrown out of class... remember paper fights in the back of the clas... remember paper planes flying around in gay abandon during the session...
remember the samosas... remember the cafeteria...
remember so much... memories slowly fade... but some stand out like they'll never dull ever..
:) happy memories...
Well-lived life...
cheers all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
I wont talk long. Im excited. I think :) will get to see faces of yore, dreams of yesterday mising with the reality of today in one mesmerising evening. Ok that may be a bit of an oversell but still...
"Yeh cbm key din buht yaad aaein gey"... the words still resonate through our heads... and we think back often to those bryan adams blasting in cars cruising down sea view nights... we were nuts...
more vivid memories come flowing back... statistics final.. 3am chicken karahi at boat basin.. iftaris at cash's.. basant and ripping people off by pretending to be qualified palmists... valentines day dress code red... crabbing trips... every trip we had atleast one person fall in the dirty smelly kaemari water :) ... that was usually the highlight of the whole event...
The grad fests 99 and 2000... the graduation.. the gowns... the birthdays and the incessant birthday surprises... the midnight clock striking 12 ones that my father never understood why we had to have... "itney baray ho gaiy ho tum log. kab khatam karo gey" :)
Abu driving me to my group study sessions, to mehndis, shaadis, birthdays, concerts... My Dads the best... hes a jan... I dont know ANYONE as lucky as me... mashallah..
Term report crashes... days and days of networked computers and borrowed printers... groggy eyes and befuddled minds... the mad dash to make it to the presentation on time... the euphoric elation of walking out of one and knowing you nailed the A...
But mostly just Bryan Adams :) cinnamon singing "lets make a night" on the top of her lungs in the cafeteria... still remember our disbelief when that album came out. we refused to believe it was bryan adams.. i mean like hello!... "i wanna be.. " was a bit off the beaten track for him you know..
Going to the DHABBBAAAAAA... damn i love that place... STILL... the unda tamater... ooh la la... ooh ooh.. GOD... i want some RIGHT NOW.... Still remember the first semester... all the BBA 1 guyz telling us not to eat the Qeema Aaloo .. "the dog population is going down.. " we ate it anyway ... :)
Texas Dhabba with its awesome unda channa... the prawn biryani that could be had wayyy at the korangi pier... awesome... having breakfast at the dhabba some days... i remember we werent allowed to leave the premises once and we called the little kid over by shouting from our college walls.. which were actually quite low and he delivered our unda tamater and pirathas to us with doodh patti inside on a nice little tray ... awesome breakfast...
I remember all the ciggarette addicts used to huddle together in the winters .. lol.. passing around the little peice of rolled up tobacco like it was the panacea for all their ailments... remember when ppl ha dtheir registrations cancelled coz they got caught smoking on campus...
Remember when the store room at the back burned down thanks to these ciggy freaks :) lol... remember the Worm Club... remember the Voice and the Vice.. remember the Arms and the Man... remember the in house talent shows.. remember the antakshris in the hallways... remember cash teaching some people accounts... Remember lovers point lol... remember the stories about there being heart shaped rocks there...
Remember when personal development forced tulsi to ruuunnnn... while the rest of us stood and sniggered... remember "nobody loves me"... remember lounging around in the hallways... remember being thrown out of class... remember paper fights in the back of the clas... remember paper planes flying around in gay abandon during the session...
remember the samosas... remember the cafeteria...
remember so much... memories slowly fade... but some stand out like they'll never dull ever..
:) happy memories...
Well-lived life...
cheers all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Cross roads & Rainy Days at SITE
Talk about forces of nature... i came to work with a sky so sunny i wanted to duck into the nearest crevice and go to sleep... the sun does that to me. I dont like him much.. and i think the feeling is mutual..
so i get to work and within like 15 minutes to that incident, the cool gray clouds sped across the blue sky and started pouring down on us in a gentle flurry of raindrops.. so sweet and soft... decidedly muddy... but for karachi :) such a blessing...
I stand at a proverbial fork in the road... i dont know where to turn. In many instances in our lives we are presented with situations which are perfect all things remaining constant... but all things dont remain constant. Thats the hard slap of reality leaving its indelible imprint across your rosy red cheeks... not fun..
So i've looked around me trying to gauge how God would want me to proceed. It seems like im reflecting on my life in terms of things that shouldnt even be questioned. Things happen. We deal. We always deal. We know we can.
Thats the problem. Everything is doable. Everything is reasonable. Everything can be made possible with the grace of Allah mian.
The hang up we have is ... what is traditionally acceptable. and how far will we allow tradition to rule our lives as opposed to what is reasonably correct in the eyes of man and God without any weightage given to societys judgements.
Alot of people argue that society will condemn regardless. Its true. Its a first hand experience. The only motivation that an individual should have to follow the true path is for God Almighty and himself. Because it doesnt matter if you're a saint, society will still seek to crucify you. There is no middle ground for our yapping hordes. There is no moderation. There is either good or bad. Either purity or evil. Thats not the way it is. Life has always been shades of gray... but they only allow shades of gray for themselves.. :) everyone else is judged by black and white.
I will break their faces one day and place their broken jaws on their twisted palms.
Allah willing the day is not far when any living being who seeks to hurt another with his words or actions will be dealt with swiftly and with equal force.
As always my life is simple. My thoughts are simple. My plan is not having a plan. I dont know if i will die alone. But i can try not to let that hurt me. Fear is something that I seek to reserve for Allah alone. I shall try not to fear any other element in my life. Life can not be lived with fear. If you fear anyone or anything other than Allah mian, you're going to have a sorry existance. There is no salvation in fear. There is salvation in courage.
My friend said courage arises from fear. True. But then the truest courage can only arise from the fear of God... for he is the ultimate. If you fear what he has created, you're moving a level down... and so will the courage you derive.
I cant live life scared. Death is but a moment away. Life is unpredictable. So live it the best way you can, and keep your priorities straight and you wont go wrong.
I dont hold anything against planners. People should plan. If thats what makes them happy. Dont expect the plans to be guaranteed fruition, because that would lead to disappointment. Take each day as it comes and try to fill it with as much happiness, contentment and good as you can. If a difficult task. I cant think of even one charitable thing that i have done today.
Make sure you dont place conditions on your happiness. So many people keep waiting for the day that they will be happy. Reminds you of that email fwd that we all once got... life passes you by and you keep waiting. Find your happiness in every moment. A shared laugh. A drop of rain. A goood cup of tea. A hot and lovely pakora.. :) when its raining and you have chai and pakoras... ufff life ban gai...
find your happiness in a call from your best friend... find it in a joke you share with a colleague... find it in properly placed stationary... in free calendars and diaries :) ... in properly printed pos material... find it in people who call and ask you for favors( it means they think you're capapble of helping)... find it in the car you have on a rainy day.. and otherwise ... find it in having a sweet sheesha on a cold winter night in damascus...
find it in silence.. find it in merry noise...
find it all around you because all you have to do is look...
and NEVER be afraid.
God starts opening windows before he even slightly closes the door... Life is continuous.. its like a flowing stream... you can direct yourself a bit, but basically it will decide on its own where you'll flow... so dont fight it. Give thanks for the blessings you have... and dont sweat the stuff you dont... All in good time.. when its better for you... thats when you'll be blessed...
Of course there will be bumps. But you need to remember one thing. Once you define whats important to you then dont give a shit about anything else. The voices of the world should fade away .. their criticism will never stop. Its a rare individual who can see another happy and not be even the least bit resentful. The world is a hurting place. Dont let it hurt you. If the voices dont fade, you can damn well strangle them.
There are many things wrong with our world. Someone has to make the stand and change things to make them right. And we're all so scared of coming out of our little holes of existence where we try to keep away from being noticed, that we can only criticize society's certain individuals for making everyone elses life hell... but no one has the gumption to go and shut them all up.
The only opinion/judgement/perception that will matter will be the judgement of God during our lives and on that final day.
Everything else will be irrelevant... and an utter waste of time and energy.
Inspite of my bravado, sometimes i am as scared as the next person. i draw on faith then to tide me over. i draw on my faith that Allah mian will come through in ways i may not understand but everything that happens, even the flutter of the wings of a bird are because of his will.. and his will may be at times to test us, but it will never be to break us..
believe in his love and you may be able to weather the wrath ...
I couldve been a highly miserable person.. had i let myself be that way. but mashallah so far i havent.. and inshallah i wont..
May Allah mian guide us all to a well lived life with lots of happiness and contentment, and may only that which is behtar happen for all of us.. and may it reveal itself as being behtar so we can try and understand it as well..
I have always tried. Tried to keep Allah mian happy. Ive realized i suck at keeping any one else happy. No matter how much i wanted to. So now ive given up.
The realization was brought home quite forcefully that i was not responsible for any one elses happiness. They were responsible for their own. I was responsible for ensuring that i didnt inflict any pain on anyone. I strive to avoid the negative in every aspect of my life.
I may not always succeed. Sometimes in the balance of right and wrong i must also fail miserably. But therein lies the glory of Allah mian. You start afresh, and strive all over again to be good. Try and fix what you've broken, but dont let it break you in such a way that you stop trying altogether. Keep fighting to be good. Its a war. against temptation, against desires. Fight it well. Fight for those you love. and inshallah you will be triumphant...
Im hoping to find a path... some guiding light... some middle road through which i can find a path through my confusion. The perfect compromise to keep only those i care about happy. The rest of the world can go suck an egg... and i mean it... *blood slightly simmering at the mere thought
May Allah bless us all... always and forever...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
so i get to work and within like 15 minutes to that incident, the cool gray clouds sped across the blue sky and started pouring down on us in a gentle flurry of raindrops.. so sweet and soft... decidedly muddy... but for karachi :) such a blessing...
I stand at a proverbial fork in the road... i dont know where to turn. In many instances in our lives we are presented with situations which are perfect all things remaining constant... but all things dont remain constant. Thats the hard slap of reality leaving its indelible imprint across your rosy red cheeks... not fun..
So i've looked around me trying to gauge how God would want me to proceed. It seems like im reflecting on my life in terms of things that shouldnt even be questioned. Things happen. We deal. We always deal. We know we can.
Thats the problem. Everything is doable. Everything is reasonable. Everything can be made possible with the grace of Allah mian.
The hang up we have is ... what is traditionally acceptable. and how far will we allow tradition to rule our lives as opposed to what is reasonably correct in the eyes of man and God without any weightage given to societys judgements.
Alot of people argue that society will condemn regardless. Its true. Its a first hand experience. The only motivation that an individual should have to follow the true path is for God Almighty and himself. Because it doesnt matter if you're a saint, society will still seek to crucify you. There is no middle ground for our yapping hordes. There is no moderation. There is either good or bad. Either purity or evil. Thats not the way it is. Life has always been shades of gray... but they only allow shades of gray for themselves.. :) everyone else is judged by black and white.
I will break their faces one day and place their broken jaws on their twisted palms.
Allah willing the day is not far when any living being who seeks to hurt another with his words or actions will be dealt with swiftly and with equal force.
As always my life is simple. My thoughts are simple. My plan is not having a plan. I dont know if i will die alone. But i can try not to let that hurt me. Fear is something that I seek to reserve for Allah alone. I shall try not to fear any other element in my life. Life can not be lived with fear. If you fear anyone or anything other than Allah mian, you're going to have a sorry existance. There is no salvation in fear. There is salvation in courage.
My friend said courage arises from fear. True. But then the truest courage can only arise from the fear of God... for he is the ultimate. If you fear what he has created, you're moving a level down... and so will the courage you derive.
I cant live life scared. Death is but a moment away. Life is unpredictable. So live it the best way you can, and keep your priorities straight and you wont go wrong.
I dont hold anything against planners. People should plan. If thats what makes them happy. Dont expect the plans to be guaranteed fruition, because that would lead to disappointment. Take each day as it comes and try to fill it with as much happiness, contentment and good as you can. If a difficult task. I cant think of even one charitable thing that i have done today.
Make sure you dont place conditions on your happiness. So many people keep waiting for the day that they will be happy. Reminds you of that email fwd that we all once got... life passes you by and you keep waiting. Find your happiness in every moment. A shared laugh. A drop of rain. A goood cup of tea. A hot and lovely pakora.. :) when its raining and you have chai and pakoras... ufff life ban gai...
find your happiness in a call from your best friend... find it in a joke you share with a colleague... find it in properly placed stationary... in free calendars and diaries :) ... in properly printed pos material... find it in people who call and ask you for favors( it means they think you're capapble of helping)... find it in the car you have on a rainy day.. and otherwise ... find it in having a sweet sheesha on a cold winter night in damascus...
find it in silence.. find it in merry noise...
find it all around you because all you have to do is look...
and NEVER be afraid.
God starts opening windows before he even slightly closes the door... Life is continuous.. its like a flowing stream... you can direct yourself a bit, but basically it will decide on its own where you'll flow... so dont fight it. Give thanks for the blessings you have... and dont sweat the stuff you dont... All in good time.. when its better for you... thats when you'll be blessed...
Of course there will be bumps. But you need to remember one thing. Once you define whats important to you then dont give a shit about anything else. The voices of the world should fade away .. their criticism will never stop. Its a rare individual who can see another happy and not be even the least bit resentful. The world is a hurting place. Dont let it hurt you. If the voices dont fade, you can damn well strangle them.
There are many things wrong with our world. Someone has to make the stand and change things to make them right. And we're all so scared of coming out of our little holes of existence where we try to keep away from being noticed, that we can only criticize society's certain individuals for making everyone elses life hell... but no one has the gumption to go and shut them all up.
The only opinion/judgement/perception that will matter will be the judgement of God during our lives and on that final day.
Everything else will be irrelevant... and an utter waste of time and energy.
Inspite of my bravado, sometimes i am as scared as the next person. i draw on faith then to tide me over. i draw on my faith that Allah mian will come through in ways i may not understand but everything that happens, even the flutter of the wings of a bird are because of his will.. and his will may be at times to test us, but it will never be to break us..
believe in his love and you may be able to weather the wrath ...
I couldve been a highly miserable person.. had i let myself be that way. but mashallah so far i havent.. and inshallah i wont..
May Allah mian guide us all to a well lived life with lots of happiness and contentment, and may only that which is behtar happen for all of us.. and may it reveal itself as being behtar so we can try and understand it as well..
I have always tried. Tried to keep Allah mian happy. Ive realized i suck at keeping any one else happy. No matter how much i wanted to. So now ive given up.
The realization was brought home quite forcefully that i was not responsible for any one elses happiness. They were responsible for their own. I was responsible for ensuring that i didnt inflict any pain on anyone. I strive to avoid the negative in every aspect of my life.
I may not always succeed. Sometimes in the balance of right and wrong i must also fail miserably. But therein lies the glory of Allah mian. You start afresh, and strive all over again to be good. Try and fix what you've broken, but dont let it break you in such a way that you stop trying altogether. Keep fighting to be good. Its a war. against temptation, against desires. Fight it well. Fight for those you love. and inshallah you will be triumphant...
Im hoping to find a path... some guiding light... some middle road through which i can find a path through my confusion. The perfect compromise to keep only those i care about happy. The rest of the world can go suck an egg... and i mean it... *blood slightly simmering at the mere thought
May Allah bless us all... always and forever...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Crashdown
Reminds me of Roswell.. i was probably the most avid fan of that show.. the whole super powers phenomenon has appealed to me since i was 5 years old and saw the first super man comic book.. the movies came later and the Super Girl epic.. it was like an epiphany... that year saw me jumping off benches, beds, sofas, (ANYTHING over 3 feet high) with sheets of all shades, colors, shapes and sizes flowing in gay abandon from my shoulders...
This trend would have continued long into the future, except one fine catastrophe filled day, i launched my self off the edge of Johnny mamus bed in the Pink Room in my nanas house and landed smack dab at the feet of my thoroughly bewildered and side splittingly amused cousin.. That day and this day.. i havent jumped off any high places with anything remotely resembling a sheet or cloak... and i'm still living it down..
Maybe some people are just born for continuous embarrassment. I mean i can proudly say that some of the more memorable family stories are all centered around me and my less than proud moments... the day i got lost in the mall at staten island, the day i was swinging the empty swing back n forth and lost both my front teeth to it as it came swinging back ... There are many more moments of glory which are forever ingrained in my familys collective conciousness... sometimes i wish i had the Men in Black memory wiper.. but knowing me i'd prolly turn it on myself and *zonk* there we would be all nice and memory free..
My soul feels empty. I feel empty. Every day i wake up and the world tells me how imperfect i am.. physically... mentally... spiritually... every day i feel attacked on all fronts regarding my deficiencies and my failings.. Its taken me a long time to build up a protective layer around my most vulnerable self and make everything not matter.. the cacophony of accusations and derision no longer pierce my heart and make it bleed...
rather i watch in amazement ... never amusement because i just dont get the joke.. when people lash out at me in hatred and try their darndest to claw and gash my spirit... its incomprehensible the motivation behind their attacks since most of the time i am not even aware of their insignificant existence... like i care ... for the record... "i DONT give a SHIT!" and thats the way its going to stay.
i dont seem to have any time in my life for anything or anyone apart from those i hold dear.. and i have lost my goody two shoes attitude whereby i used to make it a point to keep in touch with everyone and make time for everything and provide the requisite excuses in case i was unable to come through.. i dont have the time or the energy for the whole shebang anymore.. Its not a matter of mere effort.. its a matter of whats important to you and whats not.. and I am well on my way to figuring that out once and for all..
I decided a long time ago that i wasnt going to let anyone hurt me... for whatever reason. Everyone in my life gets one chance. There is no redemption after a fall from grace. Life is too short. Its too short to hurt people and its too short to go around begging for forgiveness. Its too short to waste on forgiving people who have already proven they cant be trusted to keep you happy. There are many stories waiting to be read and many hearts waiting to be explored... dont waste your times with the ones that have been around bleeding for so long they dont know any other way to be.. dont let naturally vicious people bring you down... Fight Back. You will be treated the way you let yourself be treated. And above all Trust in Allah Mian... Dont strike back.
That last statement may seem a bit bizarre... but ive been alive for 26 years now.. and the immense power and divinity of Allah mian is something that can not be underestimated.. There are many times in my life when my rage has been a hairs breadth away from bursting forth and consuming me and everything in my path.. thats when my faith has come to my rescue.. Innalillahi wainnailaihi rajioun... He gives and he takes away... let Allah take your revenge...
Every time i controlled my temper and didnt lash out no matter how rightous it may have been, i was rewarded for my self control in ways i couldnt have fathomed. I try and remember those times. I keep them close to me so that i never forget how He has always come through for me. God works in mysterious ways and it is not for us to question why. It has been a long road to this realization but its one that i would travel all over again if i had to.
Your integrity, honesty and actions are solely your responsibility. No one will answer in your stead on the day of judgement and no one will suffer your fate. Remember that. My nani always says, Nature will always give back to you as good as you give out to the world. If someone does something wrong to someone else, they will pay during their lifetime. Allah wont wait till their 6 feet under. His justice is swift and sure. And it is inevitable.
I went to the Quaid-e-Azam's house to day...
We were taken on the tour by this old chowkidar cum guide. He knew so many little details that made the whole house come alive for us. I walked around in a daze with tears welling up in my eyes as i thought about how Pakistan came into being. About all the sacrifices that were made.. all the blood that flowed.. all the trains that came into the newly born nation filled with nothing but death.. about the patriotism that was there in every child in our parents generation.. and i wanted to cry..
"yun di humain azadi .... keh duniya hui hairaan...
aay quaid-e-azam.. tera ehsaan hai ehsaan... " ... this song was resonating through my mind because khala and ami used to sing it in their school and they used to tell us.. These words are symbolic, because it was a miracle that Pakistan came into existence.. it was a miracle that wowed the world because no one thought the subcontinent would ever be split. Blood flowed freely then... it flowed freely in 1965 and again in 1971. My nani lost two brothers in the airforce.. Many lost fathers, brothers, uncles... loved ones... And today it all stands forgotten... in this time of superficial peace... when even today lives are given in the defence of this nation in remote locations like siachin and kargill... and civilians sit there and criticize the army for eating its tax rupees... There is NO price for blood. And unless you have the guts to don a uniform and live each day knowing tomorrow you may have to lay down your life in the defense of your nation... keep your mouth shut.
The soil of this country is colored with the blood of its people and this generation of children doesnt even give a flying f*****. The only reason i am aware of the heritage of this nation is because my dada's and father and mother kept telling me the stories, kept sharing the true history ... the one thats sorely and completely missing from all the history and text books. We've lost the old songs.. we've lost the old patriotim. Gone are the days when "jeevay jeevay pakistan" "mein bhi pakistan houn tu bhi pakistan hai" "sohni dharti allah rakhay qadm qadm abad tujhay" ... used to resonate on PTV and on radio.. and our hearts and minds.. now the rhythm is faint... and distant.. and has more recognition in Turkey than in Pakistan anymore..
There are people residing in this country who would work against it. Who question the wisdom of ever having it brought into existence... there are many who criticize but do nothing to correct.. simply because they dont give a shit.. I quell my rage from overflowing.. but my tears flow freely ... i love this country.. but theres an overwhelming sense of impotence in trying to change its people ... such a large majority is such shit.. from the rural masses focused on mere survival and aiding the population growth to the urban masses consumed with furthering their own agendas and lining their coffers...
Let any man try to change things for the slightly better and there will be ten to pull him down.. its like the famous Pakistani well in hell joke..
But i KNOW good people.. i KNOW people who can make a difference... I know good, law abiding, loving, honest people.. and i KNOW that if these people toss their passive attitudes to the wind and take responsibility for their country like they do in their personal and professional lives.. there will be a revolution in which all the opposing forces that are trying to hurt this land and its people will be blown to smithereens...
Those people are you.
Every last one of you.
You are the change.
You are the tomorrow.
You are the hope.
And you need to take your head out of the sand of your 9 to 5 existence and wake up and speak out. You need to hit the books and study where we came from. And you need to plan out where we should be going.
We as the next generation.. have reached the stage where the responsibility will soon be taken away from the over 60 year olds that are currently running the country and handed down to the next in line.. Thats us.. and we are not prepared.
Times running out. I want to have a country that hits a century of existence. I want to have a country. period.
Ive run out of words.... gnite..
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
This trend would have continued long into the future, except one fine catastrophe filled day, i launched my self off the edge of Johnny mamus bed in the Pink Room in my nanas house and landed smack dab at the feet of my thoroughly bewildered and side splittingly amused cousin.. That day and this day.. i havent jumped off any high places with anything remotely resembling a sheet or cloak... and i'm still living it down..
Maybe some people are just born for continuous embarrassment. I mean i can proudly say that some of the more memorable family stories are all centered around me and my less than proud moments... the day i got lost in the mall at staten island, the day i was swinging the empty swing back n forth and lost both my front teeth to it as it came swinging back ... There are many more moments of glory which are forever ingrained in my familys collective conciousness... sometimes i wish i had the Men in Black memory wiper.. but knowing me i'd prolly turn it on myself and *zonk* there we would be all nice and memory free..
My soul feels empty. I feel empty. Every day i wake up and the world tells me how imperfect i am.. physically... mentally... spiritually... every day i feel attacked on all fronts regarding my deficiencies and my failings.. Its taken me a long time to build up a protective layer around my most vulnerable self and make everything not matter.. the cacophony of accusations and derision no longer pierce my heart and make it bleed...
rather i watch in amazement ... never amusement because i just dont get the joke.. when people lash out at me in hatred and try their darndest to claw and gash my spirit... its incomprehensible the motivation behind their attacks since most of the time i am not even aware of their insignificant existence... like i care ... for the record... "i DONT give a SHIT!" and thats the way its going to stay.
i dont seem to have any time in my life for anything or anyone apart from those i hold dear.. and i have lost my goody two shoes attitude whereby i used to make it a point to keep in touch with everyone and make time for everything and provide the requisite excuses in case i was unable to come through.. i dont have the time or the energy for the whole shebang anymore.. Its not a matter of mere effort.. its a matter of whats important to you and whats not.. and I am well on my way to figuring that out once and for all..
I decided a long time ago that i wasnt going to let anyone hurt me... for whatever reason. Everyone in my life gets one chance. There is no redemption after a fall from grace. Life is too short. Its too short to hurt people and its too short to go around begging for forgiveness. Its too short to waste on forgiving people who have already proven they cant be trusted to keep you happy. There are many stories waiting to be read and many hearts waiting to be explored... dont waste your times with the ones that have been around bleeding for so long they dont know any other way to be.. dont let naturally vicious people bring you down... Fight Back. You will be treated the way you let yourself be treated. And above all Trust in Allah Mian... Dont strike back.
That last statement may seem a bit bizarre... but ive been alive for 26 years now.. and the immense power and divinity of Allah mian is something that can not be underestimated.. There are many times in my life when my rage has been a hairs breadth away from bursting forth and consuming me and everything in my path.. thats when my faith has come to my rescue.. Innalillahi wainnailaihi rajioun... He gives and he takes away... let Allah take your revenge...
Every time i controlled my temper and didnt lash out no matter how rightous it may have been, i was rewarded for my self control in ways i couldnt have fathomed. I try and remember those times. I keep them close to me so that i never forget how He has always come through for me. God works in mysterious ways and it is not for us to question why. It has been a long road to this realization but its one that i would travel all over again if i had to.
Your integrity, honesty and actions are solely your responsibility. No one will answer in your stead on the day of judgement and no one will suffer your fate. Remember that. My nani always says, Nature will always give back to you as good as you give out to the world. If someone does something wrong to someone else, they will pay during their lifetime. Allah wont wait till their 6 feet under. His justice is swift and sure. And it is inevitable.
I went to the Quaid-e-Azam's house to day...
We were taken on the tour by this old chowkidar cum guide. He knew so many little details that made the whole house come alive for us. I walked around in a daze with tears welling up in my eyes as i thought about how Pakistan came into being. About all the sacrifices that were made.. all the blood that flowed.. all the trains that came into the newly born nation filled with nothing but death.. about the patriotism that was there in every child in our parents generation.. and i wanted to cry..
"yun di humain azadi .... keh duniya hui hairaan...
aay quaid-e-azam.. tera ehsaan hai ehsaan... " ... this song was resonating through my mind because khala and ami used to sing it in their school and they used to tell us.. These words are symbolic, because it was a miracle that Pakistan came into existence.. it was a miracle that wowed the world because no one thought the subcontinent would ever be split. Blood flowed freely then... it flowed freely in 1965 and again in 1971. My nani lost two brothers in the airforce.. Many lost fathers, brothers, uncles... loved ones... And today it all stands forgotten... in this time of superficial peace... when even today lives are given in the defence of this nation in remote locations like siachin and kargill... and civilians sit there and criticize the army for eating its tax rupees... There is NO price for blood. And unless you have the guts to don a uniform and live each day knowing tomorrow you may have to lay down your life in the defense of your nation... keep your mouth shut.
The soil of this country is colored with the blood of its people and this generation of children doesnt even give a flying f*****. The only reason i am aware of the heritage of this nation is because my dada's and father and mother kept telling me the stories, kept sharing the true history ... the one thats sorely and completely missing from all the history and text books. We've lost the old songs.. we've lost the old patriotim. Gone are the days when "jeevay jeevay pakistan" "mein bhi pakistan houn tu bhi pakistan hai" "sohni dharti allah rakhay qadm qadm abad tujhay" ... used to resonate on PTV and on radio.. and our hearts and minds.. now the rhythm is faint... and distant.. and has more recognition in Turkey than in Pakistan anymore..
There are people residing in this country who would work against it. Who question the wisdom of ever having it brought into existence... there are many who criticize but do nothing to correct.. simply because they dont give a shit.. I quell my rage from overflowing.. but my tears flow freely ... i love this country.. but theres an overwhelming sense of impotence in trying to change its people ... such a large majority is such shit.. from the rural masses focused on mere survival and aiding the population growth to the urban masses consumed with furthering their own agendas and lining their coffers...
Let any man try to change things for the slightly better and there will be ten to pull him down.. its like the famous Pakistani well in hell joke..
But i KNOW good people.. i KNOW people who can make a difference... I know good, law abiding, loving, honest people.. and i KNOW that if these people toss their passive attitudes to the wind and take responsibility for their country like they do in their personal and professional lives.. there will be a revolution in which all the opposing forces that are trying to hurt this land and its people will be blown to smithereens...
Those people are you.
Every last one of you.
You are the change.
You are the tomorrow.
You are the hope.
And you need to take your head out of the sand of your 9 to 5 existence and wake up and speak out. You need to hit the books and study where we came from. And you need to plan out where we should be going.
We as the next generation.. have reached the stage where the responsibility will soon be taken away from the over 60 year olds that are currently running the country and handed down to the next in line.. Thats us.. and we are not prepared.
Times running out. I want to have a country that hits a century of existence. I want to have a country. period.
Ive run out of words.... gnite..
Princess of the GemWorld
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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
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