Just when you think you're so tired you cant even feel anything anymore, something happens to prove you wrong. Whether positive or negative, human emotions drive life.
I just think if we can kill the negativity, we'd all be better off. Worry, fear, anger, rage, despair, sadness, disappointment... we should just kill it all off. Its not a nice feeling being angry or hurt. Its not a nice feeling when you feel all wronged and taken advantage of. Its usually as a result of something you cant control.
My eyes for some odd reason feel glazed over. Its as if i exist only from moment to moment without any idea of how to proceed further. Its true.
I bought an iron. Then i wanted an ironing stand. Then i thought what if i dont need the ironing stand anymore once i've bought it. What a waste. i havent bought the stand yet.
I dont know exactly whats in my head. I stopped questioning it. i dont know if that was right. now im lost. i dont know which reality is real. the one in my head or the fuzzy one in my eyes. it cant be the fuzzy one. i hope its not the fuzzy one.
Saw the last episode of buffy yesterday night. The series finale. someone told me they felt a blog coming up. I've written about it before but i hadnt seen it then. Just read it online. Watching the end was a poignant moment. I recall the beginning. 97 in houston. i watched the first ever episode. Loved it. The humor was still there. The quirky comebacks. all of it. :) it was sweet. and weird. my childhood ended yesterday night. officially.
I dont feel joyous. I feel stifled. impotent and powerless. standing as a spectator. a pawn in different games. being moved back and forth by different hands. no ownership and all the repercussions. Its not fair. i dont like defending myself because i dont like being attacked.
i feel dead inside right now. i look dead too. sunken eyes. tired face. sleepy and silent. thats how i feel. its time for lunch. i dont feel like going. its unda chana. i dont like unda chana. i dont like much of anything right now. i think i'll go for a drive in the heat. i dont know what i want to do.
There is some work. Its not painfully urgent.
life sucks and then you die. Inalillahewainnailaiherajioun... whatever will be will be.... Allah is my guide and my refuge.
Princess of the GemWorld
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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright ?© Fars - FS 2004
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