Clarity

{ I didnt feel like saying anything today... so heres something i've already said before... June 2nd 2002 .. tc }

Sometimes I’ve noticed that our own inability to grasp the obvious can in itself be a clarifying experience. Its quite hilarious.

You have the truth.. and then u have what u would make of it. Which will be, we can safely assume at the outset, as far removed from reality as humanely possible. Why? Its simple.
Reality doesn’t suit my purpose.
To hell with the rude awakening promised to all and sundry.. I have friends who can be ruder than reality to make up for it.
So who needs it anyway.

What dreams may come.. will be accepted for what they are. Fragments of illusionary joy, of false hope, of revisited pasts…
And at the end of the road, you will find the one thing that u had started out with.. Your heart.. whether battered, broken or bleeding.. it is the one thing that will never fail you..

Even in the midst of crushing reality it will show you visions of utopia.. and in the midst of your most overwhelming illusions, it will force ur eyes to acknowledge the reality.. and to be prepared to deal…
That doesn’t mean u’ll be able too, just that at least someone tried… what more can you ask for anyway ..

Maybe in the future.. one fine beautiful cloudy day.. my heart will tell me its had enough .. what I cant understand is why it hasn’t done so far… and tell me it needs a vacation..
That day, I will know that my dreaming days are over.. for without the courage resident in our hearts, we don’t have the strength to dream..
Dreams require… immense courage… unrestrained faith.. for dreams themselves have no boundaries.. and refuse to have any boundaries set on them… so once u begin, you belong to them… they will never belong to you.. and the heart is the only one who knows the truth of this reality…

I wonder how I will feel… once I’m left bereft and dreamless.. comfortably numb I guess …
Regardless of the pit falls, I still have some dreams left in me… their truth or falsehood is never an issue.. There are no preconditions in love, friendships or dreams… each forges its own course as it pleases with very little help from us..
Each can take u to the depths of hell and back.. to the zenith of heavenly joy and the pits of human despondence.. but you cant chart a course for them. You cant ask them to behave along your defined guidelines. You cant set rules and expect them to be obeyed.. Like a dynamic IP.. they change with each freaking connection…

But there are some things that I can do… things that may or may not be right.. but I shall do them regardless.. My philosophy of all or nothing is not a realistic one.. life simply doesn’t operate that way.. and as a consequence, neither do human relationships..

Pure unadulterated honesty dies a premature death today…
So does unrestrained joy and sorrow..
I lay to rest my demons of perfection..
I let go of my quest for eternal happiness..
I let faith sleep lightly in the corner.. time will be that I will need it.. but not now..’
My soul.. my spirit.. I let rise… beyond my grasp.. they were never mine to begin with..
My thoughts I tidily place in the in-tray .. which everyone knows I never touch…
My beliefs I shove under the bed…
My convictions of what the world is, I look at with sadness.. and with a heavy heart tell them they were never true to begin with… they shatter to a million pieces before my eyes..
My friends…. ahhh… my friends.. even if god had me hanging upside down over a pot of hot oil.. and asked me what to do with them.. I still wouldn’t be able to give a coherent answer… this is once issue where my faculties desert me.. for how can u question or disregard so many of Gods blessings… and I have been blessed a million times over… Infinity + 1 … here my heart stops ..
Here it says enough .. here it tells me to draw the line.. here it reminds me of the joys and sorrows that make life whole.. here it shows me the kaleidoscope of colors that paint the picture of life.. and the source of those colors..
Here it asks me to hold on.. not let go..
To feel .. not be numb..
To let the hurt wash over me… and the joy pervade my soul…
To help and let myself be helped.. always ..
To laugh with unrestrained passion .. and to cry with the same…
And it tells me to allow those I love to come along for the ride…
But do they want to.. not everyone likes roller coasters…

There are no compulsions in faith, friendship, love .. life.. We don’t ask to be given what God serves up on a plate.. and the right to complain is just a formality. No one is ever supposed to actually do that.
So I tell my heart.. to be strong.. and brave.. and to ask me for advance notice before starting a new project or going on a vacation…
….. and I tell it I’ll try… because that’s the most you can ask for anyway…

*far..i..ha.. jun02*

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it's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning

Princess of the GemWorld

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I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld

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