i keep expecting him to come back home..
when i suddenly realize that he wont my heart feels like it will burst out of my chest and die..
i keep feeling like he's gone to get some groceries or for some work. in the first few days the illusion remained.. now its starting to come apart at the seams.. along with my threadbare hold on my tears..
i keep feeling like he's gone to get some groceries or for some work. in the first few days the illusion remained.. now its starting to come apart at the seams.. along with my threadbare hold on my tears..
i dont know what to do anymore.. i want to just curl up and die.. i keep thinking that when i die i'll be able to see him again.. to hug him and feel protected... but i dont even know if Allah mian will let me do that.. i dont even know if Allah mian will send me to heaven.. and i know that's where abu has gone.. because whatever his little foibles.. his goodness far exceeded everything else..
we got a letter from Chitral.. from a gentleman who used to be his PA and stenographer.. it brought tears to my eyes.. abu was so well loved by everyone who came into his sphere.. it was because he cared so much..
i have none of his patience.. i can only hope that Allah mian lets me see him again because of his own goodness, because i dont think mine will amount to much..
people keep telling me to be brave and do sabar.. after a while it all turns into one long drone.. and you just end up nodding without really hearing..
will it ever stop hurting...
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