:) we have our Alumni function today.
I wont talk long. Im excited. I think :) will get to see faces of yore, dreams of yesterday mising with the reality of today in one mesmerising evening. Ok that may be a bit of an oversell but still...
"Yeh cbm key din buht yaad aaein gey"... the words still resonate through our heads... and we think back often to those bryan adams blasting in cars cruising down sea view nights... we were nuts...
more vivid memories come flowing back... statistics final.. 3am chicken karahi at boat basin.. iftaris at cash's.. basant and ripping people off by pretending to be qualified palmists... valentines day dress code red... crabbing trips... every trip we had atleast one person fall in the dirty smelly kaemari water :) ... that was usually the highlight of the whole event...
The grad fests 99 and 2000... the graduation.. the gowns... the birthdays and the incessant birthday surprises... the midnight clock striking 12 ones that my father never understood why we had to have... "itney baray ho gaiy ho tum log. kab khatam karo gey" :)
Abu driving me to my group study sessions, to mehndis, shaadis, birthdays, concerts... My Dads the best... hes a jan... I dont know ANYONE as lucky as me... mashallah..
Term report crashes... days and days of networked computers and borrowed printers... groggy eyes and befuddled minds... the mad dash to make it to the presentation on time... the euphoric elation of walking out of one and knowing you nailed the A...
But mostly just Bryan Adams :) cinnamon singing "lets make a night" on the top of her lungs in the cafeteria... still remember our disbelief when that album came out. we refused to believe it was bryan adams.. i mean like hello!... "i wanna be.. " was a bit off the beaten track for him you know..
Going to the DHABBBAAAAAA... damn i love that place... STILL... the unda tamater... ooh la la... ooh ooh.. GOD... i want some RIGHT NOW.... Still remember the first semester... all the BBA 1 guyz telling us not to eat the Qeema Aaloo .. "the dog population is going down.. " we ate it anyway ... :)
Texas Dhabba with its awesome unda channa... the prawn biryani that could be had wayyy at the korangi pier... awesome... having breakfast at the dhabba some days... i remember we werent allowed to leave the premises once and we called the little kid over by shouting from our college walls.. which were actually quite low and he delivered our unda tamater and pirathas to us with doodh patti inside on a nice little tray ... awesome breakfast...
I remember all the ciggarette addicts used to huddle together in the winters .. lol.. passing around the little peice of rolled up tobacco like it was the panacea for all their ailments... remember when ppl ha dtheir registrations cancelled coz they got caught smoking on campus...
Remember when the store room at the back burned down thanks to these ciggy freaks :) lol... remember the Worm Club... remember the Voice and the Vice.. remember the Arms and the Man... remember the in house talent shows.. remember the antakshris in the hallways... remember cash teaching some people accounts... Remember lovers point lol... remember the stories about there being heart shaped rocks there...
Remember when personal development forced tulsi to ruuunnnn... while the rest of us stood and sniggered... remember "nobody loves me"... remember lounging around in the hallways... remember being thrown out of class... remember paper fights in the back of the clas... remember paper planes flying around in gay abandon during the session...
remember the samosas... remember the cafeteria...
remember so much... memories slowly fade... but some stand out like they'll never dull ever..
:) happy memories...
Well-lived life...
cheers all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Friday, January 30, 2004
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Cross roads & Rainy Days at SITE
Talk about forces of nature... i came to work with a sky so sunny i wanted to duck into the nearest crevice and go to sleep... the sun does that to me. I dont like him much.. and i think the feeling is mutual..
so i get to work and within like 15 minutes to that incident, the cool gray clouds sped across the blue sky and started pouring down on us in a gentle flurry of raindrops.. so sweet and soft... decidedly muddy... but for karachi :) such a blessing...
I stand at a proverbial fork in the road... i dont know where to turn. In many instances in our lives we are presented with situations which are perfect all things remaining constant... but all things dont remain constant. Thats the hard slap of reality leaving its indelible imprint across your rosy red cheeks... not fun..
So i've looked around me trying to gauge how God would want me to proceed. It seems like im reflecting on my life in terms of things that shouldnt even be questioned. Things happen. We deal. We always deal. We know we can.
Thats the problem. Everything is doable. Everything is reasonable. Everything can be made possible with the grace of Allah mian.
The hang up we have is ... what is traditionally acceptable. and how far will we allow tradition to rule our lives as opposed to what is reasonably correct in the eyes of man and God without any weightage given to societys judgements.
Alot of people argue that society will condemn regardless. Its true. Its a first hand experience. The only motivation that an individual should have to follow the true path is for God Almighty and himself. Because it doesnt matter if you're a saint, society will still seek to crucify you. There is no middle ground for our yapping hordes. There is no moderation. There is either good or bad. Either purity or evil. Thats not the way it is. Life has always been shades of gray... but they only allow shades of gray for themselves.. :) everyone else is judged by black and white.
I will break their faces one day and place their broken jaws on their twisted palms.
Allah willing the day is not far when any living being who seeks to hurt another with his words or actions will be dealt with swiftly and with equal force.
As always my life is simple. My thoughts are simple. My plan is not having a plan. I dont know if i will die alone. But i can try not to let that hurt me. Fear is something that I seek to reserve for Allah alone. I shall try not to fear any other element in my life. Life can not be lived with fear. If you fear anyone or anything other than Allah mian, you're going to have a sorry existance. There is no salvation in fear. There is salvation in courage.
My friend said courage arises from fear. True. But then the truest courage can only arise from the fear of God... for he is the ultimate. If you fear what he has created, you're moving a level down... and so will the courage you derive.
I cant live life scared. Death is but a moment away. Life is unpredictable. So live it the best way you can, and keep your priorities straight and you wont go wrong.
I dont hold anything against planners. People should plan. If thats what makes them happy. Dont expect the plans to be guaranteed fruition, because that would lead to disappointment. Take each day as it comes and try to fill it with as much happiness, contentment and good as you can. If a difficult task. I cant think of even one charitable thing that i have done today.
Make sure you dont place conditions on your happiness. So many people keep waiting for the day that they will be happy. Reminds you of that email fwd that we all once got... life passes you by and you keep waiting. Find your happiness in every moment. A shared laugh. A drop of rain. A goood cup of tea. A hot and lovely pakora.. :) when its raining and you have chai and pakoras... ufff life ban gai...
find your happiness in a call from your best friend... find it in a joke you share with a colleague... find it in properly placed stationary... in free calendars and diaries :) ... in properly printed pos material... find it in people who call and ask you for favors( it means they think you're capapble of helping)... find it in the car you have on a rainy day.. and otherwise ... find it in having a sweet sheesha on a cold winter night in damascus...
find it in silence.. find it in merry noise...
find it all around you because all you have to do is look...
and NEVER be afraid.
God starts opening windows before he even slightly closes the door... Life is continuous.. its like a flowing stream... you can direct yourself a bit, but basically it will decide on its own where you'll flow... so dont fight it. Give thanks for the blessings you have... and dont sweat the stuff you dont... All in good time.. when its better for you... thats when you'll be blessed...
Of course there will be bumps. But you need to remember one thing. Once you define whats important to you then dont give a shit about anything else. The voices of the world should fade away .. their criticism will never stop. Its a rare individual who can see another happy and not be even the least bit resentful. The world is a hurting place. Dont let it hurt you. If the voices dont fade, you can damn well strangle them.
There are many things wrong with our world. Someone has to make the stand and change things to make them right. And we're all so scared of coming out of our little holes of existence where we try to keep away from being noticed, that we can only criticize society's certain individuals for making everyone elses life hell... but no one has the gumption to go and shut them all up.
The only opinion/judgement/perception that will matter will be the judgement of God during our lives and on that final day.
Everything else will be irrelevant... and an utter waste of time and energy.
Inspite of my bravado, sometimes i am as scared as the next person. i draw on faith then to tide me over. i draw on my faith that Allah mian will come through in ways i may not understand but everything that happens, even the flutter of the wings of a bird are because of his will.. and his will may be at times to test us, but it will never be to break us..
believe in his love and you may be able to weather the wrath ...
I couldve been a highly miserable person.. had i let myself be that way. but mashallah so far i havent.. and inshallah i wont..
May Allah mian guide us all to a well lived life with lots of happiness and contentment, and may only that which is behtar happen for all of us.. and may it reveal itself as being behtar so we can try and understand it as well..
I have always tried. Tried to keep Allah mian happy. Ive realized i suck at keeping any one else happy. No matter how much i wanted to. So now ive given up.
The realization was brought home quite forcefully that i was not responsible for any one elses happiness. They were responsible for their own. I was responsible for ensuring that i didnt inflict any pain on anyone. I strive to avoid the negative in every aspect of my life.
I may not always succeed. Sometimes in the balance of right and wrong i must also fail miserably. But therein lies the glory of Allah mian. You start afresh, and strive all over again to be good. Try and fix what you've broken, but dont let it break you in such a way that you stop trying altogether. Keep fighting to be good. Its a war. against temptation, against desires. Fight it well. Fight for those you love. and inshallah you will be triumphant...
Im hoping to find a path... some guiding light... some middle road through which i can find a path through my confusion. The perfect compromise to keep only those i care about happy. The rest of the world can go suck an egg... and i mean it... *blood slightly simmering at the mere thought
May Allah bless us all... always and forever...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
so i get to work and within like 15 minutes to that incident, the cool gray clouds sped across the blue sky and started pouring down on us in a gentle flurry of raindrops.. so sweet and soft... decidedly muddy... but for karachi :) such a blessing...
I stand at a proverbial fork in the road... i dont know where to turn. In many instances in our lives we are presented with situations which are perfect all things remaining constant... but all things dont remain constant. Thats the hard slap of reality leaving its indelible imprint across your rosy red cheeks... not fun..
So i've looked around me trying to gauge how God would want me to proceed. It seems like im reflecting on my life in terms of things that shouldnt even be questioned. Things happen. We deal. We always deal. We know we can.
Thats the problem. Everything is doable. Everything is reasonable. Everything can be made possible with the grace of Allah mian.
The hang up we have is ... what is traditionally acceptable. and how far will we allow tradition to rule our lives as opposed to what is reasonably correct in the eyes of man and God without any weightage given to societys judgements.
Alot of people argue that society will condemn regardless. Its true. Its a first hand experience. The only motivation that an individual should have to follow the true path is for God Almighty and himself. Because it doesnt matter if you're a saint, society will still seek to crucify you. There is no middle ground for our yapping hordes. There is no moderation. There is either good or bad. Either purity or evil. Thats not the way it is. Life has always been shades of gray... but they only allow shades of gray for themselves.. :) everyone else is judged by black and white.
I will break their faces one day and place their broken jaws on their twisted palms.
Allah willing the day is not far when any living being who seeks to hurt another with his words or actions will be dealt with swiftly and with equal force.
As always my life is simple. My thoughts are simple. My plan is not having a plan. I dont know if i will die alone. But i can try not to let that hurt me. Fear is something that I seek to reserve for Allah alone. I shall try not to fear any other element in my life. Life can not be lived with fear. If you fear anyone or anything other than Allah mian, you're going to have a sorry existance. There is no salvation in fear. There is salvation in courage.
My friend said courage arises from fear. True. But then the truest courage can only arise from the fear of God... for he is the ultimate. If you fear what he has created, you're moving a level down... and so will the courage you derive.
I cant live life scared. Death is but a moment away. Life is unpredictable. So live it the best way you can, and keep your priorities straight and you wont go wrong.
I dont hold anything against planners. People should plan. If thats what makes them happy. Dont expect the plans to be guaranteed fruition, because that would lead to disappointment. Take each day as it comes and try to fill it with as much happiness, contentment and good as you can. If a difficult task. I cant think of even one charitable thing that i have done today.
Make sure you dont place conditions on your happiness. So many people keep waiting for the day that they will be happy. Reminds you of that email fwd that we all once got... life passes you by and you keep waiting. Find your happiness in every moment. A shared laugh. A drop of rain. A goood cup of tea. A hot and lovely pakora.. :) when its raining and you have chai and pakoras... ufff life ban gai...
find your happiness in a call from your best friend... find it in a joke you share with a colleague... find it in properly placed stationary... in free calendars and diaries :) ... in properly printed pos material... find it in people who call and ask you for favors( it means they think you're capapble of helping)... find it in the car you have on a rainy day.. and otherwise ... find it in having a sweet sheesha on a cold winter night in damascus...
find it in silence.. find it in merry noise...
find it all around you because all you have to do is look...
and NEVER be afraid.
God starts opening windows before he even slightly closes the door... Life is continuous.. its like a flowing stream... you can direct yourself a bit, but basically it will decide on its own where you'll flow... so dont fight it. Give thanks for the blessings you have... and dont sweat the stuff you dont... All in good time.. when its better for you... thats when you'll be blessed...
Of course there will be bumps. But you need to remember one thing. Once you define whats important to you then dont give a shit about anything else. The voices of the world should fade away .. their criticism will never stop. Its a rare individual who can see another happy and not be even the least bit resentful. The world is a hurting place. Dont let it hurt you. If the voices dont fade, you can damn well strangle them.
There are many things wrong with our world. Someone has to make the stand and change things to make them right. And we're all so scared of coming out of our little holes of existence where we try to keep away from being noticed, that we can only criticize society's certain individuals for making everyone elses life hell... but no one has the gumption to go and shut them all up.
The only opinion/judgement/perception that will matter will be the judgement of God during our lives and on that final day.
Everything else will be irrelevant... and an utter waste of time and energy.
Inspite of my bravado, sometimes i am as scared as the next person. i draw on faith then to tide me over. i draw on my faith that Allah mian will come through in ways i may not understand but everything that happens, even the flutter of the wings of a bird are because of his will.. and his will may be at times to test us, but it will never be to break us..
believe in his love and you may be able to weather the wrath ...
I couldve been a highly miserable person.. had i let myself be that way. but mashallah so far i havent.. and inshallah i wont..
May Allah mian guide us all to a well lived life with lots of happiness and contentment, and may only that which is behtar happen for all of us.. and may it reveal itself as being behtar so we can try and understand it as well..
I have always tried. Tried to keep Allah mian happy. Ive realized i suck at keeping any one else happy. No matter how much i wanted to. So now ive given up.
The realization was brought home quite forcefully that i was not responsible for any one elses happiness. They were responsible for their own. I was responsible for ensuring that i didnt inflict any pain on anyone. I strive to avoid the negative in every aspect of my life.
I may not always succeed. Sometimes in the balance of right and wrong i must also fail miserably. But therein lies the glory of Allah mian. You start afresh, and strive all over again to be good. Try and fix what you've broken, but dont let it break you in such a way that you stop trying altogether. Keep fighting to be good. Its a war. against temptation, against desires. Fight it well. Fight for those you love. and inshallah you will be triumphant...
Im hoping to find a path... some guiding light... some middle road through which i can find a path through my confusion. The perfect compromise to keep only those i care about happy. The rest of the world can go suck an egg... and i mean it... *blood slightly simmering at the mere thought
May Allah bless us all... always and forever...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Crashdown
Reminds me of Roswell.. i was probably the most avid fan of that show.. the whole super powers phenomenon has appealed to me since i was 5 years old and saw the first super man comic book.. the movies came later and the Super Girl epic.. it was like an epiphany... that year saw me jumping off benches, beds, sofas, (ANYTHING over 3 feet high) with sheets of all shades, colors, shapes and sizes flowing in gay abandon from my shoulders...
This trend would have continued long into the future, except one fine catastrophe filled day, i launched my self off the edge of Johnny mamus bed in the Pink Room in my nanas house and landed smack dab at the feet of my thoroughly bewildered and side splittingly amused cousin.. That day and this day.. i havent jumped off any high places with anything remotely resembling a sheet or cloak... and i'm still living it down..
Maybe some people are just born for continuous embarrassment. I mean i can proudly say that some of the more memorable family stories are all centered around me and my less than proud moments... the day i got lost in the mall at staten island, the day i was swinging the empty swing back n forth and lost both my front teeth to it as it came swinging back ... There are many more moments of glory which are forever ingrained in my familys collective conciousness... sometimes i wish i had the Men in Black memory wiper.. but knowing me i'd prolly turn it on myself and *zonk* there we would be all nice and memory free..
My soul feels empty. I feel empty. Every day i wake up and the world tells me how imperfect i am.. physically... mentally... spiritually... every day i feel attacked on all fronts regarding my deficiencies and my failings.. Its taken me a long time to build up a protective layer around my most vulnerable self and make everything not matter.. the cacophony of accusations and derision no longer pierce my heart and make it bleed...
rather i watch in amazement ... never amusement because i just dont get the joke.. when people lash out at me in hatred and try their darndest to claw and gash my spirit... its incomprehensible the motivation behind their attacks since most of the time i am not even aware of their insignificant existence... like i care ... for the record... "i DONT give a SHIT!" and thats the way its going to stay.
i dont seem to have any time in my life for anything or anyone apart from those i hold dear.. and i have lost my goody two shoes attitude whereby i used to make it a point to keep in touch with everyone and make time for everything and provide the requisite excuses in case i was unable to come through.. i dont have the time or the energy for the whole shebang anymore.. Its not a matter of mere effort.. its a matter of whats important to you and whats not.. and I am well on my way to figuring that out once and for all..
I decided a long time ago that i wasnt going to let anyone hurt me... for whatever reason. Everyone in my life gets one chance. There is no redemption after a fall from grace. Life is too short. Its too short to hurt people and its too short to go around begging for forgiveness. Its too short to waste on forgiving people who have already proven they cant be trusted to keep you happy. There are many stories waiting to be read and many hearts waiting to be explored... dont waste your times with the ones that have been around bleeding for so long they dont know any other way to be.. dont let naturally vicious people bring you down... Fight Back. You will be treated the way you let yourself be treated. And above all Trust in Allah Mian... Dont strike back.
That last statement may seem a bit bizarre... but ive been alive for 26 years now.. and the immense power and divinity of Allah mian is something that can not be underestimated.. There are many times in my life when my rage has been a hairs breadth away from bursting forth and consuming me and everything in my path.. thats when my faith has come to my rescue.. Innalillahi wainnailaihi rajioun... He gives and he takes away... let Allah take your revenge...
Every time i controlled my temper and didnt lash out no matter how rightous it may have been, i was rewarded for my self control in ways i couldnt have fathomed. I try and remember those times. I keep them close to me so that i never forget how He has always come through for me. God works in mysterious ways and it is not for us to question why. It has been a long road to this realization but its one that i would travel all over again if i had to.
Your integrity, honesty and actions are solely your responsibility. No one will answer in your stead on the day of judgement and no one will suffer your fate. Remember that. My nani always says, Nature will always give back to you as good as you give out to the world. If someone does something wrong to someone else, they will pay during their lifetime. Allah wont wait till their 6 feet under. His justice is swift and sure. And it is inevitable.
I went to the Quaid-e-Azam's house to day...
We were taken on the tour by this old chowkidar cum guide. He knew so many little details that made the whole house come alive for us. I walked around in a daze with tears welling up in my eyes as i thought about how Pakistan came into being. About all the sacrifices that were made.. all the blood that flowed.. all the trains that came into the newly born nation filled with nothing but death.. about the patriotism that was there in every child in our parents generation.. and i wanted to cry..
"yun di humain azadi .... keh duniya hui hairaan...
aay quaid-e-azam.. tera ehsaan hai ehsaan... " ... this song was resonating through my mind because khala and ami used to sing it in their school and they used to tell us.. These words are symbolic, because it was a miracle that Pakistan came into existence.. it was a miracle that wowed the world because no one thought the subcontinent would ever be split. Blood flowed freely then... it flowed freely in 1965 and again in 1971. My nani lost two brothers in the airforce.. Many lost fathers, brothers, uncles... loved ones... And today it all stands forgotten... in this time of superficial peace... when even today lives are given in the defence of this nation in remote locations like siachin and kargill... and civilians sit there and criticize the army for eating its tax rupees... There is NO price for blood. And unless you have the guts to don a uniform and live each day knowing tomorrow you may have to lay down your life in the defense of your nation... keep your mouth shut.
The soil of this country is colored with the blood of its people and this generation of children doesnt even give a flying f*****. The only reason i am aware of the heritage of this nation is because my dada's and father and mother kept telling me the stories, kept sharing the true history ... the one thats sorely and completely missing from all the history and text books. We've lost the old songs.. we've lost the old patriotim. Gone are the days when "jeevay jeevay pakistan" "mein bhi pakistan houn tu bhi pakistan hai" "sohni dharti allah rakhay qadm qadm abad tujhay" ... used to resonate on PTV and on radio.. and our hearts and minds.. now the rhythm is faint... and distant.. and has more recognition in Turkey than in Pakistan anymore..
There are people residing in this country who would work against it. Who question the wisdom of ever having it brought into existence... there are many who criticize but do nothing to correct.. simply because they dont give a shit.. I quell my rage from overflowing.. but my tears flow freely ... i love this country.. but theres an overwhelming sense of impotence in trying to change its people ... such a large majority is such shit.. from the rural masses focused on mere survival and aiding the population growth to the urban masses consumed with furthering their own agendas and lining their coffers...
Let any man try to change things for the slightly better and there will be ten to pull him down.. its like the famous Pakistani well in hell joke..
But i KNOW good people.. i KNOW people who can make a difference... I know good, law abiding, loving, honest people.. and i KNOW that if these people toss their passive attitudes to the wind and take responsibility for their country like they do in their personal and professional lives.. there will be a revolution in which all the opposing forces that are trying to hurt this land and its people will be blown to smithereens...
Those people are you.
Every last one of you.
You are the change.
You are the tomorrow.
You are the hope.
And you need to take your head out of the sand of your 9 to 5 existence and wake up and speak out. You need to hit the books and study where we came from. And you need to plan out where we should be going.
We as the next generation.. have reached the stage where the responsibility will soon be taken away from the over 60 year olds that are currently running the country and handed down to the next in line.. Thats us.. and we are not prepared.
Times running out. I want to have a country that hits a century of existence. I want to have a country. period.
Ive run out of words.... gnite..
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
This trend would have continued long into the future, except one fine catastrophe filled day, i launched my self off the edge of Johnny mamus bed in the Pink Room in my nanas house and landed smack dab at the feet of my thoroughly bewildered and side splittingly amused cousin.. That day and this day.. i havent jumped off any high places with anything remotely resembling a sheet or cloak... and i'm still living it down..
Maybe some people are just born for continuous embarrassment. I mean i can proudly say that some of the more memorable family stories are all centered around me and my less than proud moments... the day i got lost in the mall at staten island, the day i was swinging the empty swing back n forth and lost both my front teeth to it as it came swinging back ... There are many more moments of glory which are forever ingrained in my familys collective conciousness... sometimes i wish i had the Men in Black memory wiper.. but knowing me i'd prolly turn it on myself and *zonk* there we would be all nice and memory free..
My soul feels empty. I feel empty. Every day i wake up and the world tells me how imperfect i am.. physically... mentally... spiritually... every day i feel attacked on all fronts regarding my deficiencies and my failings.. Its taken me a long time to build up a protective layer around my most vulnerable self and make everything not matter.. the cacophony of accusations and derision no longer pierce my heart and make it bleed...
rather i watch in amazement ... never amusement because i just dont get the joke.. when people lash out at me in hatred and try their darndest to claw and gash my spirit... its incomprehensible the motivation behind their attacks since most of the time i am not even aware of their insignificant existence... like i care ... for the record... "i DONT give a SHIT!" and thats the way its going to stay.
i dont seem to have any time in my life for anything or anyone apart from those i hold dear.. and i have lost my goody two shoes attitude whereby i used to make it a point to keep in touch with everyone and make time for everything and provide the requisite excuses in case i was unable to come through.. i dont have the time or the energy for the whole shebang anymore.. Its not a matter of mere effort.. its a matter of whats important to you and whats not.. and I am well on my way to figuring that out once and for all..
I decided a long time ago that i wasnt going to let anyone hurt me... for whatever reason. Everyone in my life gets one chance. There is no redemption after a fall from grace. Life is too short. Its too short to hurt people and its too short to go around begging for forgiveness. Its too short to waste on forgiving people who have already proven they cant be trusted to keep you happy. There are many stories waiting to be read and many hearts waiting to be explored... dont waste your times with the ones that have been around bleeding for so long they dont know any other way to be.. dont let naturally vicious people bring you down... Fight Back. You will be treated the way you let yourself be treated. And above all Trust in Allah Mian... Dont strike back.
That last statement may seem a bit bizarre... but ive been alive for 26 years now.. and the immense power and divinity of Allah mian is something that can not be underestimated.. There are many times in my life when my rage has been a hairs breadth away from bursting forth and consuming me and everything in my path.. thats when my faith has come to my rescue.. Innalillahi wainnailaihi rajioun... He gives and he takes away... let Allah take your revenge...
Every time i controlled my temper and didnt lash out no matter how rightous it may have been, i was rewarded for my self control in ways i couldnt have fathomed. I try and remember those times. I keep them close to me so that i never forget how He has always come through for me. God works in mysterious ways and it is not for us to question why. It has been a long road to this realization but its one that i would travel all over again if i had to.
Your integrity, honesty and actions are solely your responsibility. No one will answer in your stead on the day of judgement and no one will suffer your fate. Remember that. My nani always says, Nature will always give back to you as good as you give out to the world. If someone does something wrong to someone else, they will pay during their lifetime. Allah wont wait till their 6 feet under. His justice is swift and sure. And it is inevitable.
I went to the Quaid-e-Azam's house to day...
We were taken on the tour by this old chowkidar cum guide. He knew so many little details that made the whole house come alive for us. I walked around in a daze with tears welling up in my eyes as i thought about how Pakistan came into being. About all the sacrifices that were made.. all the blood that flowed.. all the trains that came into the newly born nation filled with nothing but death.. about the patriotism that was there in every child in our parents generation.. and i wanted to cry..
"yun di humain azadi .... keh duniya hui hairaan...
aay quaid-e-azam.. tera ehsaan hai ehsaan... " ... this song was resonating through my mind because khala and ami used to sing it in their school and they used to tell us.. These words are symbolic, because it was a miracle that Pakistan came into existence.. it was a miracle that wowed the world because no one thought the subcontinent would ever be split. Blood flowed freely then... it flowed freely in 1965 and again in 1971. My nani lost two brothers in the airforce.. Many lost fathers, brothers, uncles... loved ones... And today it all stands forgotten... in this time of superficial peace... when even today lives are given in the defence of this nation in remote locations like siachin and kargill... and civilians sit there and criticize the army for eating its tax rupees... There is NO price for blood. And unless you have the guts to don a uniform and live each day knowing tomorrow you may have to lay down your life in the defense of your nation... keep your mouth shut.
The soil of this country is colored with the blood of its people and this generation of children doesnt even give a flying f*****. The only reason i am aware of the heritage of this nation is because my dada's and father and mother kept telling me the stories, kept sharing the true history ... the one thats sorely and completely missing from all the history and text books. We've lost the old songs.. we've lost the old patriotim. Gone are the days when "jeevay jeevay pakistan" "mein bhi pakistan houn tu bhi pakistan hai" "sohni dharti allah rakhay qadm qadm abad tujhay" ... used to resonate on PTV and on radio.. and our hearts and minds.. now the rhythm is faint... and distant.. and has more recognition in Turkey than in Pakistan anymore..
There are people residing in this country who would work against it. Who question the wisdom of ever having it brought into existence... there are many who criticize but do nothing to correct.. simply because they dont give a shit.. I quell my rage from overflowing.. but my tears flow freely ... i love this country.. but theres an overwhelming sense of impotence in trying to change its people ... such a large majority is such shit.. from the rural masses focused on mere survival and aiding the population growth to the urban masses consumed with furthering their own agendas and lining their coffers...
Let any man try to change things for the slightly better and there will be ten to pull him down.. its like the famous Pakistani well in hell joke..
But i KNOW good people.. i KNOW people who can make a difference... I know good, law abiding, loving, honest people.. and i KNOW that if these people toss their passive attitudes to the wind and take responsibility for their country like they do in their personal and professional lives.. there will be a revolution in which all the opposing forces that are trying to hurt this land and its people will be blown to smithereens...
Those people are you.
Every last one of you.
You are the change.
You are the tomorrow.
You are the hope.
And you need to take your head out of the sand of your 9 to 5 existence and wake up and speak out. You need to hit the books and study where we came from. And you need to plan out where we should be going.
We as the next generation.. have reached the stage where the responsibility will soon be taken away from the over 60 year olds that are currently running the country and handed down to the next in line.. Thats us.. and we are not prepared.
Times running out. I want to have a country that hits a century of existence. I want to have a country. period.
Ive run out of words.... gnite..
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Saturday, January 24, 2004
brrrrrr.... damn!
Yeah... so its like they say... don't complain about God's weather forecast... coz he just might decide to oblige you... brrrr... *shivering, huddled in front of the LCD screen...
My frozen fingers move slowly across the keyboard painfully pounding out each alphabet... seriously i mean.. look at me!... tshirt, sweatshirt, woolen tracks, socks, and a razai... and i'm STILL freezing... Pity the people who are at the moment surrounded by snow... yeesh... I think going to hell will be relatively easy as long as its not cold.. or maybe sooo cold that you just fall asleep thanks to hypothermia...
reminds me of the "Is hell endothermic or exothermic" email.. :) its an old favorite of mine..
i think i'm hungry but im not sure.. i think its the cold talking rather than my tummy..
all the phones in my house are engaged.. i think my family talks too much :) ... its really funny.. i use the phone the least, and at the end of each month my dad still makes it a point to come to me and tell me the phone bill for the landline... to which my standard response is, was that the bill for my line.. to which his standard response is, i havent gotten the bill for that yet ... :)
That new indian movie "Rules" is playing in the background... its got a few nice songs.. and a few good rules ;) ... who gives anyhow... Lifes not lived by rules anyhow... its lived with passion and faith... thats it.
I was talking to a very nice gentleman yesterday... a seasoned journalist.. my greatest source of respect for him arises from the fact that inspite of the temptations of a corporate 9 to 5 semi-secure employment, he stuck to his guns and followed his dreams of writing for a living... i hope one day he completely loses his fear of standing by his written word. :) Honesty is a precious commodity in todays overly superficial world... it should be protected with something akin to the endangered species act...
I always wondered how people define "success" & "successful".. the definitions of "ambition", "drive" & "high flyer" always seem to escape me... especially since my definition of "success" is centered around a 3-syllable word... "Happiness"...
If you're happy in 80% of your living breathing moments, you're a success and let no man(woman, child, dog.. etc. ) tell you otherwise...
:) Ever since Siraj bhai told me i had the fame line on my palm... which is something he also told 5 other people i know... i realized that "fame" is a highly relative term... it depends on how your own mind interprets it... because simply put, the lines on your palm are representative of your own individual state of mind and not on any divine plan chalked out by Allah Almighty... Its a map of how YOU see your life proceeding, how YOU plan to live it, what YOU anticipate... and because of that the map on your palm lends it self to future interpretation since what you plan today will impact your tomorrow..
But see.. the lines dont factor in God :) and Allah Mians immense sense of humor.. Hence the expression "The best laid plans of Mice and Men"... He simply smiles and slowly whirls the circumstances of the best planned life into a colorful kleidescope which doesnt look anything like the nice symmetrical representation of the original blueprint. Planning seems like such a futile exercise dont you think :)...
Thats why i try not to plan anything too long term on the personal front.. Theres no point... Life is like being suspended like a pendulum in gale force winds.. Its up to the Almighty to decide which way to swing us... I just pray no matter which direction i am sent in next, I am happy and content.... Nothing too ambitious... but its a hell of a lot of work...
Suns out... it seems like its baking the balcony but my room still remains as cool as a cucumber... The power of the Shadow is incredible isnt it... It has the power to protect you from the wrath of the raging sun ... something as simple and innocuous as a shadow... boggles the mind..
The word "boggles" makes me think of "muggles" which makes me think of Harry Potter... i wish the next book would come.. and i wish to God she still remembers that shes writing a CHILDREN's BOOK... i hate having people dying and emotions riding high.. sheesh... Jeffery Archer puts one through less of an emotional roller coaster than JK Rowling these days...
ok :) time to wake up and brave the elements... no one got anywhere by sitting in a razai... I think * quizzical expression... must research that.. If i find something there, it could be a gold mine ;)
Cheers y'all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
My frozen fingers move slowly across the keyboard painfully pounding out each alphabet... seriously i mean.. look at me!... tshirt, sweatshirt, woolen tracks, socks, and a razai... and i'm STILL freezing... Pity the people who are at the moment surrounded by snow... yeesh... I think going to hell will be relatively easy as long as its not cold.. or maybe sooo cold that you just fall asleep thanks to hypothermia...
reminds me of the "Is hell endothermic or exothermic" email.. :) its an old favorite of mine..
i think i'm hungry but im not sure.. i think its the cold talking rather than my tummy..
all the phones in my house are engaged.. i think my family talks too much :) ... its really funny.. i use the phone the least, and at the end of each month my dad still makes it a point to come to me and tell me the phone bill for the landline... to which my standard response is, was that the bill for my line.. to which his standard response is, i havent gotten the bill for that yet ... :)
That new indian movie "Rules" is playing in the background... its got a few nice songs.. and a few good rules ;) ... who gives anyhow... Lifes not lived by rules anyhow... its lived with passion and faith... thats it.
I was talking to a very nice gentleman yesterday... a seasoned journalist.. my greatest source of respect for him arises from the fact that inspite of the temptations of a corporate 9 to 5 semi-secure employment, he stuck to his guns and followed his dreams of writing for a living... i hope one day he completely loses his fear of standing by his written word. :) Honesty is a precious commodity in todays overly superficial world... it should be protected with something akin to the endangered species act...
I always wondered how people define "success" & "successful".. the definitions of "ambition", "drive" & "high flyer" always seem to escape me... especially since my definition of "success" is centered around a 3-syllable word... "Happiness"...
If you're happy in 80% of your living breathing moments, you're a success and let no man(woman, child, dog.. etc. ) tell you otherwise...
:) Ever since Siraj bhai told me i had the fame line on my palm... which is something he also told 5 other people i know... i realized that "fame" is a highly relative term... it depends on how your own mind interprets it... because simply put, the lines on your palm are representative of your own individual state of mind and not on any divine plan chalked out by Allah Almighty... Its a map of how YOU see your life proceeding, how YOU plan to live it, what YOU anticipate... and because of that the map on your palm lends it self to future interpretation since what you plan today will impact your tomorrow..
But see.. the lines dont factor in God :) and Allah Mians immense sense of humor.. Hence the expression "The best laid plans of Mice and Men"... He simply smiles and slowly whirls the circumstances of the best planned life into a colorful kleidescope which doesnt look anything like the nice symmetrical representation of the original blueprint. Planning seems like such a futile exercise dont you think :)...
Thats why i try not to plan anything too long term on the personal front.. Theres no point... Life is like being suspended like a pendulum in gale force winds.. Its up to the Almighty to decide which way to swing us... I just pray no matter which direction i am sent in next, I am happy and content.... Nothing too ambitious... but its a hell of a lot of work...
Suns out... it seems like its baking the balcony but my room still remains as cool as a cucumber... The power of the Shadow is incredible isnt it... It has the power to protect you from the wrath of the raging sun ... something as simple and innocuous as a shadow... boggles the mind..
The word "boggles" makes me think of "muggles" which makes me think of Harry Potter... i wish the next book would come.. and i wish to God she still remembers that shes writing a CHILDREN's BOOK... i hate having people dying and emotions riding high.. sheesh... Jeffery Archer puts one through less of an emotional roller coaster than JK Rowling these days...
ok :) time to wake up and brave the elements... no one got anywhere by sitting in a razai... I think * quizzical expression... must research that.. If i find something there, it could be a gold mine ;)
Cheers y'all
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Shopping!! Rainy Days & Blue Moods
Hallelujah me lovelies... and here i am once again.. back from the land of SHOPPING and DISCOUNTS.. namely the Dubai Shopping Festival. Talk about cool :)
It was nice.. the first day we spent working. Atleast in the first half... ahem the second half i'll refrain from elaborating ... hehehe... i have proof people would pay good money to destroy... took some very nice shots... lets just say it was a very rhythmic evening ;)... and i mean Rhythm in every sense of the word ... The Dhow cruise was fun... good food... good company... good ... well... rhythm :) ... ahem.. Food, Drink & Music... thats the life! ... Dont go getting any ideas from the photographic proof now :) it was all quite innocent ;)
Any who... the next 2 days were spent in leisure.. i hit the city centre with a vengeance.. spent a very highly productive 4 hours in watching the final chapter of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. That movie ROCKS... i was in an emotionally wrougth state throughout... practically bawling like a baby from start to finish.. the whole man triumphing over nature and really bad ass evil was a very emotionally charged experience... my favorite scene was the grand scale lighting of the beacons of Gondor for Rohans help.... oooooof.... Unbelievable..!!..
salt water rolled freely down my cheeks as i wept in joy at the unity of man and brotherhood triumphing over years of bad blood..
and thats when it hit me... they were all from a fictional time and place.. makes you think dont it... hell!.. fiction is better then reality any day of the week... MUST WATCH movie..
My must-do checklist didnt see too much of a deviation. I had my Starbucks Caramel Machiato ... twice... Had the Cinnabon Applebon... too huge to finish even during the 4 hour epic.. and my standard Burger King Junior Whopper.. hold the onions..
After that checklist was fulfilled... i found my self at a bit of a loss as to what to do next, so i went off to wait by the Ikea fountain for my friends to pick me up. In the meanwhile i managed to have my Blood Sugar and pressure checked by the doctors from GSK sitting there... 103 & 110/70... exceedingly normal.. also had my eye sight checked... -0.25 on the left and -0.75 or so on the right... Long distance vision slightly impaired.. the guy asked if i had headaches.. i said no.. so he said in that case you dont need glasses...
Then my friends picked me up and we headed to the global village.. :) its alot of fun.... reminded me of the Disney World Epcot Centre and the different country stalls... Pakistan was cool.. had a Nirala Sweets and a TCS :)... Saw some nice stalls... the Egyptian one had really nice pickles, olives and cheeses... the Italian one.. was *swoon... filled with... ahem... Gladiators (in reeeeaally short skirts) and Masquerade Masks... which were bee-yoo-tee-ful..
We walked alot ... and finally the crowning glory of the evening was a Hardees Five Star Burger... which and i'm actually daring to say this... beats the BK Whopper Hollow.... yummmmmy....
:) as you can see... the whole trip was very highly food centric... Didnt do so much shopping. Exercised massive amounts of self control. I surprise myself sometimes...
Came home and died.. the immigration line had 8 flights converge on it on our arrival.. took us two hours just to make it out alive.... the scene was something akin to the Stick Figure Death Theatre ... so you can well imagine.... more than 200 people who'd been up randomly for more than 24 hours... arriving at 4am in the morning and standing in a line that literally "CRAWLED" for 2 hours... need i say more .... *shivers run down spine... its not an experience i'd wish on my relatively second worst enemy.
ok dearies... this blogs been along time coming... i'm signing off and going to work... cant think straight... my minds all mush...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
It was nice.. the first day we spent working. Atleast in the first half... ahem the second half i'll refrain from elaborating ... hehehe... i have proof people would pay good money to destroy... took some very nice shots... lets just say it was a very rhythmic evening ;)... and i mean Rhythm in every sense of the word ... The Dhow cruise was fun... good food... good company... good ... well... rhythm :) ... ahem.. Food, Drink & Music... thats the life! ... Dont go getting any ideas from the photographic proof now :) it was all quite innocent ;)
Any who... the next 2 days were spent in leisure.. i hit the city centre with a vengeance.. spent a very highly productive 4 hours in watching the final chapter of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. That movie ROCKS... i was in an emotionally wrougth state throughout... practically bawling like a baby from start to finish.. the whole man triumphing over nature and really bad ass evil was a very emotionally charged experience... my favorite scene was the grand scale lighting of the beacons of Gondor for Rohans help.... oooooof.... Unbelievable..!!..
salt water rolled freely down my cheeks as i wept in joy at the unity of man and brotherhood triumphing over years of bad blood..
and thats when it hit me... they were all from a fictional time and place.. makes you think dont it... hell!.. fiction is better then reality any day of the week... MUST WATCH movie..
My must-do checklist didnt see too much of a deviation. I had my Starbucks Caramel Machiato ... twice... Had the Cinnabon Applebon... too huge to finish even during the 4 hour epic.. and my standard Burger King Junior Whopper.. hold the onions..
After that checklist was fulfilled... i found my self at a bit of a loss as to what to do next, so i went off to wait by the Ikea fountain for my friends to pick me up. In the meanwhile i managed to have my Blood Sugar and pressure checked by the doctors from GSK sitting there... 103 & 110/70... exceedingly normal.. also had my eye sight checked... -0.25 on the left and -0.75 or so on the right... Long distance vision slightly impaired.. the guy asked if i had headaches.. i said no.. so he said in that case you dont need glasses...
Then my friends picked me up and we headed to the global village.. :) its alot of fun.... reminded me of the Disney World Epcot Centre and the different country stalls... Pakistan was cool.. had a Nirala Sweets and a TCS :)... Saw some nice stalls... the Egyptian one had really nice pickles, olives and cheeses... the Italian one.. was *swoon... filled with... ahem... Gladiators (in reeeeaally short skirts) and Masquerade Masks... which were bee-yoo-tee-ful..
We walked alot ... and finally the crowning glory of the evening was a Hardees Five Star Burger... which and i'm actually daring to say this... beats the BK Whopper Hollow.... yummmmmy....
:) as you can see... the whole trip was very highly food centric... Didnt do so much shopping. Exercised massive amounts of self control. I surprise myself sometimes...
Came home and died.. the immigration line had 8 flights converge on it on our arrival.. took us two hours just to make it out alive.... the scene was something akin to the Stick Figure Death Theatre ... so you can well imagine.... more than 200 people who'd been up randomly for more than 24 hours... arriving at 4am in the morning and standing in a line that literally "CRAWLED" for 2 hours... need i say more .... *shivers run down spine... its not an experience i'd wish on my relatively second worst enemy.
ok dearies... this blogs been along time coming... i'm signing off and going to work... cant think straight... my minds all mush...
cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Thursday, January 15, 2004
And thats why they call it... winters!?!!!
Damn talk about short... (no no.. all short ppl of my acquaintance.. this wasnt aimed at any of you :) ...
The winters!... the damn things finished before we could go brrr!.. i mean theres a limit to how "short term" God Almighty makes something. Two weeks hardly qualifies as a season.
I got to wear a sweater for ONE week.. ONE WEEK in FREAKING DECEMBER!! and even then people in office looked at me funny. My boss is running his Air conditioner. I dont blame him. Its actually required right now.
Im sitting here poring over excel sheets and powerpoint files and thinking... "lifes like that" ... hmm.. Avril lavigne.. Complicated ... the girls got the right idea there...
Random thoughts on a random day.. this is what happens when a blog has to sit and fester throughout the day without any attention from the blogger.. i mean check it out. Its not even funny..
nothing depletes human energy like an excel sheet gnawing on the edges of your conciousness.... aaaarrrghhh... where are the good old days... when we DIDNT have computers... and we didnt have MS windows.. and we didnt have this incessant urge to communicate... aaarrrgggghhh... *elctrostatic hair being pulled ferociously
yeah ok.. im ok now.. *frantically flattening down hair ...
Like is all very cloak and dagger like.. :) every so often you turn your head just in time to avoid a soft swish from a razer sharp samurai blade..
Life is full of near misses... with misfortune, with unhappiness, with death...
its these brushes with the negative which make the positive worthy of appreciation.
Considering my current level of achievement in the sense of the hereafter is nothing to write home about... but i harbor a weird, slightly unsettling resignation to the ultimate bye bye.. lol... yeah i know its a bit morose but :) hey... remember the boy scouts ... "Be Prepared" i always say... ( i dont :) but what the heck :) ... And since we're all talking death n destruction .. (well im talking, y'all are listening)... anyone of you with an afinity for the gory :) and well "fresh brains on white carpets" kind of urges MUST check out this site .... Stick Figure Death Theatre ... lol .. i went searching for death and thought i'd find something serious and heres what i ended up with ... *rolling on floor laughing...
ok now i've crossed the borderline between dangerously obsessed & Certifiable!!... *evil grin >:>
I know quite a few certifiable cases. Its weird the kind of obsessions my friends have.. I am amazed when i state "my friends" in the same statement as "weird" and "obsessions"... Theres something definitely wrong here... heheheh
well.. lets see... some of the relatively exceptable ones are as follows:
ones obsessed with shoes (regular imelda marcos in the making :) ...
ones obsessed with death sticks (the smoking variety)...
ones obsessed with cars and alternative bands...
ones obsessed with food... (uh noo.. wait ... that would be me)
ones obsessed with computers (including any and all peripherals) [technomania - craze for technology ]
ones obsessed with sleeping (in large lethal doses) [clinomania - excessive desire to stay in bed ]
ones obsesses with sharp objects ( Daggers, Samurai Swords... i mean theres got to be a word for this... a lethal psychotic word.. ) [dacnomania - obsession with killing ]
Well u know what.. i went to the Phobia list indexed by Fears ... makes for an interesting diagnostic read... oooh... Dr. A should take a look at this one ... its right up his alley... He might even be able to discontinue Consultative Diagnosis and move on to some actual factual Honest-to-God Diagnosis..
And then i realized that i actually needed to go to a Mania List lol :) so i did... oooh niiice.. this was even nicer... i can actually attach manias to all the people i know now..
I am infected by the following:
dromomania - compulsive longing for travel
epomania - craze for writing epics
graphomania - obsession with writing
scribbleomania - obsession with scribbling
lol :) i tried and tried and couldnt find a mania for shoes :)
Its like they say :) Umeed peh duniya qaim hay..
oky me darlin's
cheers
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
The winters!... the damn things finished before we could go brrr!.. i mean theres a limit to how "short term" God Almighty makes something. Two weeks hardly qualifies as a season.
I got to wear a sweater for ONE week.. ONE WEEK in FREAKING DECEMBER!! and even then people in office looked at me funny. My boss is running his Air conditioner. I dont blame him. Its actually required right now.
Im sitting here poring over excel sheets and powerpoint files and thinking... "lifes like that" ... hmm.. Avril lavigne.. Complicated ... the girls got the right idea there...
Random thoughts on a random day.. this is what happens when a blog has to sit and fester throughout the day without any attention from the blogger.. i mean check it out. Its not even funny..
nothing depletes human energy like an excel sheet gnawing on the edges of your conciousness.... aaaarrrghhh... where are the good old days... when we DIDNT have computers... and we didnt have MS windows.. and we didnt have this incessant urge to communicate... aaarrrgggghhh... *elctrostatic hair being pulled ferociously
yeah ok.. im ok now.. *frantically flattening down hair ...
Like is all very cloak and dagger like.. :) every so often you turn your head just in time to avoid a soft swish from a razer sharp samurai blade..
Life is full of near misses... with misfortune, with unhappiness, with death...
its these brushes with the negative which make the positive worthy of appreciation.
Considering my current level of achievement in the sense of the hereafter is nothing to write home about... but i harbor a weird, slightly unsettling resignation to the ultimate bye bye.. lol... yeah i know its a bit morose but :) hey... remember the boy scouts ... "Be Prepared" i always say... ( i dont :) but what the heck :) ... And since we're all talking death n destruction .. (well im talking, y'all are listening)... anyone of you with an afinity for the gory :) and well "fresh brains on white carpets" kind of urges MUST check out this site .... Stick Figure Death Theatre ... lol .. i went searching for death and thought i'd find something serious and heres what i ended up with ... *rolling on floor laughing...
ok now i've crossed the borderline between dangerously obsessed & Certifiable!!... *evil grin >:>
I know quite a few certifiable cases. Its weird the kind of obsessions my friends have.. I am amazed when i state "my friends" in the same statement as "weird" and "obsessions"... Theres something definitely wrong here... heheheh
well.. lets see... some of the relatively exceptable ones are as follows:
ones obsessed with shoes (regular imelda marcos in the making :) ...
ones obsessed with death sticks (the smoking variety)...
ones obsessed with cars and alternative bands...
ones obsessed with food... (uh noo.. wait ... that would be me)
ones obsessed with computers (including any and all peripherals) [technomania - craze for technology ]
ones obsessed with sleeping (in large lethal doses) [clinomania - excessive desire to stay in bed ]
ones obsesses with sharp objects ( Daggers, Samurai Swords... i mean theres got to be a word for this... a lethal psychotic word.. ) [dacnomania - obsession with killing ]
Well u know what.. i went to the Phobia list indexed by Fears ... makes for an interesting diagnostic read... oooh... Dr. A should take a look at this one ... its right up his alley... He might even be able to discontinue Consultative Diagnosis and move on to some actual factual Honest-to-God Diagnosis..
And then i realized that i actually needed to go to a Mania List lol :) so i did... oooh niiice.. this was even nicer... i can actually attach manias to all the people i know now..
I am infected by the following:
dromomania - compulsive longing for travel
epomania - craze for writing epics
graphomania - obsession with writing
scribbleomania - obsession with scribbling
lol :) i tried and tried and couldnt find a mania for shoes :)
Its like they say :) Umeed peh duniya qaim hay..
oky me darlin's
cheers
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Sunday Blues
No not really... ive had one helluva lazy weekend.. usually mum used to throw everyone outta their beds by 8am on any holiday and we had the family breakfast at 9 or so.. it used to be a really nice family breakfast... omelettes & toasts, sometimes parathas and fried eggs.. loads of good stuff ... its a tradition which has somehow become lost in the flurry of activity surrounding us now.
Mostly no one wants to have a heavy breakfast anymore. but its something i miss. My nana always used to say, "a family that eats together.. stays together". I can still remember all those summer vacations we spent at Nana Nanis house.. lunch and dinner used to be in nana nanis room.. with a dastarkhwan laid out in the middle of the room... all of us kids assembled together.. A/cs running (karachi summers are no joke).. the food all laid out on the trolley... and to this day i can vouch for the fact that my NANIS THE WORLDS BEST COOK...
i miss that. i miss those summers when all my cousins used to come down from everywhere... me from wherever we were posted at that time... my aunts kids from NY(3 - 2 girls n a boy).. and my uncles kids(2 boys) who lived in karachi year round.. the 6 of us went through most of our metamorphosis's together...
we were sooo dramatic.. *nostalgic smile.. We could start off playing house by making tents with nanos bedsheets and end up homeless & hungry and hunted by aliens.. Once... and i remember this vividly... we started out by using the sheets to make gowns (only the girls:) and it evolved into some black magic involving british monarchy soap opera... I KID YOU NOT.. freaking Prince Andrew was in there somewhere alongside the witches and the Hair dresser... yeah there was a hair dresser.. Apparently that was a pivotal role. I think thats where Prince Andrew came and hit on my cousin.. i recall being very happy at the prospect of having royalty in the family :)
One summer the six of us decided to launch a detective agency.. because well people really needed detective agencies y'know:)... so with lots of fanfare initially just the four of us (excluding my uncles 2 coz they had their own house in karachi, and hence were less infected with our certain brand of youthful lunacy)... lauched the Peaky Sneaky Frightening Four.. Slogan: Whenever you need us, we're at your door!
Then along came the other two and we had to induct the two new members into the agency, which kinda threw a wrench in our naming convention. Exercising great creative genius we renamed the agency "Peaky Frightening Sneaky Six". Please note the use of similarly starting alphabets on the last two words for a more melodious rendition of the brand name :)
That option however did not lend itself fluidly enough to our advertising campaign, so we went back to the drawing board and re-christened ourselves.... "The Sixers". Sounding more like a cricket team than a detective agency, but everyone was happy. We made advertising signage, employee badges, alias's were assigned, the Agency HQ had to be shifted out of the doghouse under the garage staircase to the gallery leading up to the roof.. (The doghouse had space limitations)... I believe we had one conflict that day, when one of our newly inducted members threw off his badge in a quitting fit... Major issue there.. I mean you cant be the SIXERS and only have 5 members.. then you turn into the Fivers or something... I recall having to think up alternate names "just in case" we couldnt convince our errant employee to reconsider his stance in the greater interest of the company branding.
:) we were deeply nuts... and i am happy to say, things havent changed much :)
Sighhhh... those were the Paul Family summer vacations..
* signing off now ... going to try and reinstate the family breakfast...
***MOM!!!!!!**
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Mostly no one wants to have a heavy breakfast anymore. but its something i miss. My nana always used to say, "a family that eats together.. stays together". I can still remember all those summer vacations we spent at Nana Nanis house.. lunch and dinner used to be in nana nanis room.. with a dastarkhwan laid out in the middle of the room... all of us kids assembled together.. A/cs running (karachi summers are no joke).. the food all laid out on the trolley... and to this day i can vouch for the fact that my NANIS THE WORLDS BEST COOK...
i miss that. i miss those summers when all my cousins used to come down from everywhere... me from wherever we were posted at that time... my aunts kids from NY(3 - 2 girls n a boy).. and my uncles kids(2 boys) who lived in karachi year round.. the 6 of us went through most of our metamorphosis's together...
we were sooo dramatic.. *nostalgic smile.. We could start off playing house by making tents with nanos bedsheets and end up homeless & hungry and hunted by aliens.. Once... and i remember this vividly... we started out by using the sheets to make gowns (only the girls:) and it evolved into some black magic involving british monarchy soap opera... I KID YOU NOT.. freaking Prince Andrew was in there somewhere alongside the witches and the Hair dresser... yeah there was a hair dresser.. Apparently that was a pivotal role. I think thats where Prince Andrew came and hit on my cousin.. i recall being very happy at the prospect of having royalty in the family :)
One summer the six of us decided to launch a detective agency.. because well people really needed detective agencies y'know:)... so with lots of fanfare initially just the four of us (excluding my uncles 2 coz they had their own house in karachi, and hence were less infected with our certain brand of youthful lunacy)... lauched the Peaky Sneaky Frightening Four.. Slogan: Whenever you need us, we're at your door!
Then along came the other two and we had to induct the two new members into the agency, which kinda threw a wrench in our naming convention. Exercising great creative genius we renamed the agency "Peaky Frightening Sneaky Six". Please note the use of similarly starting alphabets on the last two words for a more melodious rendition of the brand name :)
That option however did not lend itself fluidly enough to our advertising campaign, so we went back to the drawing board and re-christened ourselves.... "The Sixers". Sounding more like a cricket team than a detective agency, but everyone was happy. We made advertising signage, employee badges, alias's were assigned, the Agency HQ had to be shifted out of the doghouse under the garage staircase to the gallery leading up to the roof.. (The doghouse had space limitations)... I believe we had one conflict that day, when one of our newly inducted members threw off his badge in a quitting fit... Major issue there.. I mean you cant be the SIXERS and only have 5 members.. then you turn into the Fivers or something... I recall having to think up alternate names "just in case" we couldnt convince our errant employee to reconsider his stance in the greater interest of the company branding.
:) we were deeply nuts... and i am happy to say, things havent changed much :)
Sighhhh... those were the Paul Family summer vacations..
* signing off now ... going to try and reinstate the family breakfast...
***MOM!!!!!!**
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Thursday, January 08, 2004
My friend Dr. A
Hey all
Been missing in action for a bit... annual closing an all so the financial wranglings took a drain on my time quota..
Today im going to talk about my friend Dr. A. :) He's crrrrazy.. He's a recent addition to my circle of friends and he's plain crrrrrazy.. Its medical experts like him that make me fervently pray to our lord Almighty every night to grant me money, love & unebelievable amounts of Health!
A recent (relatively) med school grad, my friend Dr. A is expert in Consultative Diagnosis. E.g. if you go to him with say a sore throat and say "Hey Dr. A, i have a sore throat", he will immediately dial his friends (Read: Girls who were wayyyy smarter than him in med school) and get a correct and verified diagnosis for you. Atleast the knowledge that he's consulting women (Who we all know are wayyy more gifted in the brains department) is relatively reassuring.
He's really funny though and a carbon copy of myself. Its weird. But nice. We crack the same kinda weird ass jokes. We complain about the same kind of situations. Experientially life holds alot of parallels. But i think he's got it going real good. He just doesnt want to acknowledge it. That would mean less material to crack sarcastic, self-deprecating jokes on, which is something we do reeeeahhehehhhly well.. Its like looking in a freaking mirror and realizing... damn.. I'm not the only crazy loony person on the planet.
Self deprecation is an art. It takes people of great inner strength, great fortitude of heart and a great deal of humility to be able to abase themselves for the amusement of others. It also takes good healthy dose of reality every morning, to make you realize your failings and deficiencies and then openly exploit them to provide others with meaningless laughter. Not to mention a rocking sense of humor. My friend Dr. A is good with that. I'm good with that but to a lesser degree. I have my highs and lows. I guess there are only two ways of being good at self deprecating humor. Either you're supremely comfortable in your skin, or you're extremely aware of your own deficiencies and realize there really isnt much you can do except laugh about em. :)
But its a good thing too... :) because when you have nothing else to laugh about, well... you always have yourself.. unending fodder for infinite laughs.. and people wonder why we're always so happy :p
It takes work being happy. It takes work and it takes patience. And above all it takes a certain kind of numbing disregard for everything but your core objective : Happiness. It true that some people say happiness is not something thats attainable at any cost. Because well you know the best things in life are free. I have news for you me lovelies... "free" is a highly relative term... NOTHING is free except for maybe the air we breathe... and with the pollution these days im pretty sure theres a cost attached to that as well... OHMYGOD... You breathe... you get sick... YOU HAVE TO GO TO DOCTORS LIKE DR. A.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... *Holding Breath...... mmmmpppphhh..... Turning Blue.... mmmmmmppppphhhh.... Blood rushing to brain...... mmppphh... letting go of breath... whooosh...
Ok ok... so i tried... I may be risk averse... but there are certain risks one simply must face if one plans to live very long. I guess facing the medical professionals here would be one of the most dire ones... *shudder.... hehehe
But at the end of the day... Happiness is a choice you make. Its a concious effort every single moment of your life... to ensure that you remain grounded in your perception of reality... to ensure you remain disengaged from activities and emotions that can upset the delicate balance of your carefully charted route to joy. Its a continuous effort to ignore elements in your environs which work ceaselessly to fail you in your endeavor for gleeful abandon, their undending quest being to hurt you without reason... to humiliate without purpose... mere infliction of pain being their only perrogative.. and their cruel joy resides in your agony...
Don't let them win. No one can hurt you unless you let them. No one can control your life apart from the Almighty. No one can tell you what to think, eat, wear, walk, talk, write, hear... unless you let them.
Your autonomy is a gift from the Almighty. It is a gift which you should sacrifice wisely if you wish to gift it to someone in your life. It is a gift which once shared will remove a core part of you and place it in the hands of another. Be sure those hands are caring ones... be sure they wont let you fall to peices...
and be informed that this is one of the greatest risks you will ever take in your life.. its one of lifes greatest gambles.. and if it pans out, its one of lifes greatest joys.
Not everyone is lucky. And not everyone is that brave. I dont think i am.
But inspite of all my fears and feelings of inadequacy/inferiority, i AM happy. Wether the price of this happiness is high or not is a matter of perception. It requires a bit of detachment, a bit of selfishness, a bit of numbness, strategic avoidance of anything painful, requires an ability to break everything down to the basics.. and ridicule the painful when required. So far, its worked out fine..
To each his own i always say... (i may not always believe it... but i'll reserve my right to say it!)
Hmmm.. interesting wasnt it.. :)
ok :) thats all for today...
Signing off now
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Been missing in action for a bit... annual closing an all so the financial wranglings took a drain on my time quota..
Today im going to talk about my friend Dr. A. :) He's crrrrazy.. He's a recent addition to my circle of friends and he's plain crrrrrazy.. Its medical experts like him that make me fervently pray to our lord Almighty every night to grant me money, love & unebelievable amounts of Health!
A recent (relatively) med school grad, my friend Dr. A is expert in Consultative Diagnosis. E.g. if you go to him with say a sore throat and say "Hey Dr. A, i have a sore throat", he will immediately dial his friends (Read: Girls who were wayyyy smarter than him in med school) and get a correct and verified diagnosis for you. Atleast the knowledge that he's consulting women (Who we all know are wayyy more gifted in the brains department) is relatively reassuring.
He's really funny though and a carbon copy of myself. Its weird. But nice. We crack the same kinda weird ass jokes. We complain about the same kind of situations. Experientially life holds alot of parallels. But i think he's got it going real good. He just doesnt want to acknowledge it. That would mean less material to crack sarcastic, self-deprecating jokes on, which is something we do reeeeahhehehhhly well.. Its like looking in a freaking mirror and realizing... damn.. I'm not the only crazy loony person on the planet.
Self deprecation is an art. It takes people of great inner strength, great fortitude of heart and a great deal of humility to be able to abase themselves for the amusement of others. It also takes good healthy dose of reality every morning, to make you realize your failings and deficiencies and then openly exploit them to provide others with meaningless laughter. Not to mention a rocking sense of humor. My friend Dr. A is good with that. I'm good with that but to a lesser degree. I have my highs and lows. I guess there are only two ways of being good at self deprecating humor. Either you're supremely comfortable in your skin, or you're extremely aware of your own deficiencies and realize there really isnt much you can do except laugh about em. :)
But its a good thing too... :) because when you have nothing else to laugh about, well... you always have yourself.. unending fodder for infinite laughs.. and people wonder why we're always so happy :p
It takes work being happy. It takes work and it takes patience. And above all it takes a certain kind of numbing disregard for everything but your core objective : Happiness. It true that some people say happiness is not something thats attainable at any cost. Because well you know the best things in life are free. I have news for you me lovelies... "free" is a highly relative term... NOTHING is free except for maybe the air we breathe... and with the pollution these days im pretty sure theres a cost attached to that as well... OHMYGOD... You breathe... you get sick... YOU HAVE TO GO TO DOCTORS LIKE DR. A.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... *Holding Breath...... mmmmpppphhh..... Turning Blue.... mmmmmmppppphhhh.... Blood rushing to brain...... mmppphh... letting go of breath... whooosh...
Ok ok... so i tried... I may be risk averse... but there are certain risks one simply must face if one plans to live very long. I guess facing the medical professionals here would be one of the most dire ones... *shudder.... hehehe
But at the end of the day... Happiness is a choice you make. Its a concious effort every single moment of your life... to ensure that you remain grounded in your perception of reality... to ensure you remain disengaged from activities and emotions that can upset the delicate balance of your carefully charted route to joy. Its a continuous effort to ignore elements in your environs which work ceaselessly to fail you in your endeavor for gleeful abandon, their undending quest being to hurt you without reason... to humiliate without purpose... mere infliction of pain being their only perrogative.. and their cruel joy resides in your agony...
Don't let them win. No one can hurt you unless you let them. No one can control your life apart from the Almighty. No one can tell you what to think, eat, wear, walk, talk, write, hear... unless you let them.
Your autonomy is a gift from the Almighty. It is a gift which you should sacrifice wisely if you wish to gift it to someone in your life. It is a gift which once shared will remove a core part of you and place it in the hands of another. Be sure those hands are caring ones... be sure they wont let you fall to peices...
and be informed that this is one of the greatest risks you will ever take in your life.. its one of lifes greatest gambles.. and if it pans out, its one of lifes greatest joys.
Not everyone is lucky. And not everyone is that brave. I dont think i am.
But inspite of all my fears and feelings of inadequacy/inferiority, i AM happy. Wether the price of this happiness is high or not is a matter of perception. It requires a bit of detachment, a bit of selfishness, a bit of numbness, strategic avoidance of anything painful, requires an ability to break everything down to the basics.. and ridicule the painful when required. So far, its worked out fine..
To each his own i always say... (i may not always believe it... but i'll reserve my right to say it!)
Hmmm.. interesting wasnt it.. :)
ok :) thats all for today...
Signing off now
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Sunday, January 04, 2004
what the... H..E... Double hockey sticks.. !!
thats it! im officially sick of the human race.. im sick of the crap i keep having to take. Im sick of the bullshit that i get thrown my way.. Im sick of living in general... aaaaarrrrrggghhh... i am certifiably SICK of the human race.
Like there isnt a single redeeming quality in this entire species as a whole. what the Almighty planned when he created this wonderful peice of treasured existence is beyond me.. But i am officially sick of it.
Officially!
SICK!
ENOUGH!
I've had it. With everyone... and everything... and everyones silly little emotional episodes regarding everything..
Its NOT MY PROBLEM.. and i dont want any part of it.
Statement #1:THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU ALONE... when will people realize that all of them cant be the bloody axis of the freaking universe.. that was a "Duh" statement...Like NEVER is the correct answer...
And before any of the misdirected readers of this blog think this is all about them... GET OVER YOURSELVES... and refer to statement #1.
I am so through with the world in general. Quit bothering me. Im not going to bother you either. If you need something done... fine. Let me know. If i can do it without too much botheration i'll be happy to help. Dont bother me for no reason. I dont have time for misplaced niceties. I have books to read and movies to see. Both activities being a hell of a lot more fulfilling then being around the human species...blech.
*Quick Breath.. thats it.
thats all i have to say today.
now bugger off...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Like there isnt a single redeeming quality in this entire species as a whole. what the Almighty planned when he created this wonderful peice of treasured existence is beyond me.. But i am officially sick of it.
Officially!
SICK!
ENOUGH!
I've had it. With everyone... and everything... and everyones silly little emotional episodes regarding everything..
Its NOT MY PROBLEM.. and i dont want any part of it.
Statement #1:THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU ALONE... when will people realize that all of them cant be the bloody axis of the freaking universe.. that was a "Duh" statement...Like NEVER is the correct answer...
And before any of the misdirected readers of this blog think this is all about them... GET OVER YOURSELVES... and refer to statement #1.
I am so through with the world in general. Quit bothering me. Im not going to bother you either. If you need something done... fine. Let me know. If i can do it without too much botheration i'll be happy to help. Dont bother me for no reason. I dont have time for misplaced niceties. I have books to read and movies to see. Both activities being a hell of a lot more fulfilling then being around the human species...blech.
*Quick Breath.. thats it.
thats all i have to say today.
now bugger off...
Princess of the GemWorld
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
Friday, January 02, 2004
full of something
i was just told by someone i was entirely too full of myself.. :)
along with the insinuations that i'm off my rocker and blatant accusations that im too used to getting my own way..
I've been told im a difficult friend.. Been told worse.. been called a liar, a brat, an insensitive retard...
I've been told im high maintenance, low maintenance, too easy ... and conversely too difficult..
I've been called a social recluse.. and a social butterfly...
Too many people seem to know me, while i seem to know very few...
I've been told im too forgiving... that i can melt and forgive those undeserving of any forgiveness... I've also been told im too hard and unbending and unforgiving.. that i cut people off without any chance of redemption...
I've been told i need to be more open to opportunity and exploring options... yet I've been told to restrict myself, my thoughts, my emotions and not live life too fully...
I've been instructed to follow the path of God.. to resist human judgement.. to forsake those elements who would condemn without knowledge.... Yet i've been told to be wary of what the neighbors say and what the world thinks ... to live within the confines of what society has dictated..
I've been judged to be an individual... not a conformist.. and i've been condemned for it...
Alternatively I've been told that i try too hard to fit in .. and i should try to retain my individuality..
I've been lectured on the rights and wrongs and the "dones" and "not dones" of todays communal laws... I've been told to sacrifice and compromise in order to fit the mould of acceptability...
Conversely I've been lectured on retention of my personal convictions... on fighting for what i stand for.. on living life on my own terms and not giving in to pressures resulting from other peoples perception of what reality is or should be...
Ive been called impractical... and overly practical..
truthful to a fault... and a liar...
been accused of living on a higher plane (sarcastically so.. ) .. and been told i'm too realistic
been told i make friends too easily... been told i'm not friendly enough...
been reprimanded for trusting too easily... been accused of not trusting at all..
been told im selfish... and too selfish...
been told i take more then i give... been told i give too much to those undeserving...
been told i need to lighten up and take things as they come.. been told i need to plan everything right up to the day i am dropped 6 feet under and worry about whether i'll have someone to carry out the funeral arrangements...
Been told im perfect... been told im definitely not...
been called fat... been called normal...
been told i think too much... been told i dont think at all... should think more...
been told im lost...
been loved, hated, liked, disliked, abhorred, adored, bitched about, defended, smiled at scowled at...
been told i havent lived at all.. been told im lucky to have seen the world the way i have..
been told im nothing on my own... Believe that i am something not nothing...
well to all of the above... Yes i am (to quote Melissa Etheridge) & hanh mein houn! (to quote The Bandit Queen :)
and fortunately for the rest of pulsating humanity, its nobodys problem but mine.
Princess of the GemWorld
** Full of it .. & Lovin It... !!
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
along with the insinuations that i'm off my rocker and blatant accusations that im too used to getting my own way..
I've been told im a difficult friend.. Been told worse.. been called a liar, a brat, an insensitive retard...
I've been told im high maintenance, low maintenance, too easy ... and conversely too difficult..
I've been called a social recluse.. and a social butterfly...
Too many people seem to know me, while i seem to know very few...
I've been told im too forgiving... that i can melt and forgive those undeserving of any forgiveness... I've also been told im too hard and unbending and unforgiving.. that i cut people off without any chance of redemption...
I've been told i need to be more open to opportunity and exploring options... yet I've been told to restrict myself, my thoughts, my emotions and not live life too fully...
I've been instructed to follow the path of God.. to resist human judgement.. to forsake those elements who would condemn without knowledge.... Yet i've been told to be wary of what the neighbors say and what the world thinks ... to live within the confines of what society has dictated..
I've been judged to be an individual... not a conformist.. and i've been condemned for it...
Alternatively I've been told that i try too hard to fit in .. and i should try to retain my individuality..
I've been lectured on the rights and wrongs and the "dones" and "not dones" of todays communal laws... I've been told to sacrifice and compromise in order to fit the mould of acceptability...
Conversely I've been lectured on retention of my personal convictions... on fighting for what i stand for.. on living life on my own terms and not giving in to pressures resulting from other peoples perception of what reality is or should be...
Ive been called impractical... and overly practical..
truthful to a fault... and a liar...
been accused of living on a higher plane (sarcastically so.. ) .. and been told i'm too realistic
been told i make friends too easily... been told i'm not friendly enough...
been reprimanded for trusting too easily... been accused of not trusting at all..
been told im selfish... and too selfish...
been told i take more then i give... been told i give too much to those undeserving...
been told i need to lighten up and take things as they come.. been told i need to plan everything right up to the day i am dropped 6 feet under and worry about whether i'll have someone to carry out the funeral arrangements...
Been told im perfect... been told im definitely not...
been called fat... been called normal...
been told i think too much... been told i dont think at all... should think more...
been told im lost...
been loved, hated, liked, disliked, abhorred, adored, bitched about, defended, smiled at scowled at...
been told i havent lived at all.. been told im lucky to have seen the world the way i have..
been told im nothing on my own... Believe that i am something not nothing...
well to all of the above... Yes i am (to quote Melissa Etheridge) & hanh mein houn! (to quote The Bandit Queen :)
and fortunately for the rest of pulsating humanity, its nobodys problem but mine.
Princess of the GemWorld
** Full of it .. & Lovin It... !!
*****************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
GemWorld
Copyright © Fars - FS 2004
its a silly sleepy day
Well waddaya know
it was an ok day to begin with.. but its progressively getting ridiculous. I have a gem of wisdom to share now...
ITS YOUR LIFE.. Live it .. if you must
and everything else is secondary... realize that human beings are inherently selfish. Even the nicest of the lot.. inherently ... theyre all selfish. and why not... since theyre surrounded by other inherently selfish human beings.. so you see at the end of the freaking day... its to each his own!!
a sentiment that ive been articulating for all sundry to hear for a past decade or so...
A gem of wiSHdom: Existence is a State of Mind..
God knows ive been expounding this philosophy for as long as i can recall having a plausibly reliable memory to depend on... now i dont have a memory.. I have a feeling it was due to me trying out the above philosophy by trying to forget
that I exist at all...
well THAT didnt work! I did however succeed in wiping out my short term memory quite definitively. Which is both a blessing :) and a curse :) :) ... Im the bane of my own existence.. in addition to being the bane of quite a few others...
I guess what it all boils down to is how far can you stand yourself... at the terminal end, you face only yourself... and God.. and well.. one of the two is going to be mighty surprised to see you...
We wake up every morning and head to our "daily lives". These lives incorporate so much within them... i must work.. i must study.. i must succeed.. i must have fun.. i must have friends.. i must love my family.. i must shower, brush, eat, sleep... i must listen to music.. i must watch tv.. i must read.. i must write.. i must talk... i must walk.. i must be neat.. i must be clean.. i must be loved.... i must love.. i must travel *counting the transit times to and from work... i must.. i must.. i must... must sleep.. must balance accounts... must pay credit card bills... must ... dear lorrrddd... whyyyyy...
At one point i was busy expounding the philosophy that theres no such thing as "Must"... this further supports my everyone is a selfish self serving bugger philosophy... (memo to me: CONTROL!)
*** Train.. Drops of Jupiter - Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me ****
Some i can ... some i cant... Some i hope to.. God willing.
I dont plan on living too long. I figure i have a bunch of good years under my belt and RIGHT NOW would be a good time to bail on this rigmarole our lord blessed us with... He seems to have other plans.. plans which he's not planning to share anytime soon.. which is a bit irritating cause it throws a proverbial wrench in my annual planning cycle..
I happen to be a HIGHLY risk averse human being... unless it involves my personal well being ... or ... food. In these two cases i can be braver than the bravest and would willingly go where no man, woman, child, homosapien or living entity had even thought to tread. In wordly respects.. what i cant control, which is pretty much everything, i happen to harbor a healthy aversive fear to. So there you have it.. Im a chronically risk averse person with respect to stocks, money, & funny ass relationships.
Otherwise im fearless. I travel to new lands with nothing but a bus ticket. I navigate with a map.. and just ask every local for directions.. i dont know how this certifies to my unwavering bravery... but i figure there are a bunch of ppl who dont usually go off alone to strange countries with nothing but a bus ticket :) so yeah.. i think im brave..
Anyway.. random thoughts on a random day.. Love you allll... NOT!!.. hehehe I dont waste my love, my loves... i only have so much in me.. after that... i guess you turn into a.. an... i guess ure either empty or God fills you up with extra love.. I dunno.. i dont want to know.. I just want to have lunch now :)
Cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
it was an ok day to begin with.. but its progressively getting ridiculous. I have a gem of wisdom to share now...
ITS YOUR LIFE.. Live it .. if you must
and everything else is secondary... realize that human beings are inherently selfish. Even the nicest of the lot.. inherently ... theyre all selfish. and why not... since theyre surrounded by other inherently selfish human beings.. so you see at the end of the freaking day... its to each his own!!
a sentiment that ive been articulating for all sundry to hear for a past decade or so...
A gem of wiSHdom: Existence is a State of Mind..
God knows ive been expounding this philosophy for as long as i can recall having a plausibly reliable memory to depend on... now i dont have a memory.. I have a feeling it was due to me trying out the above philosophy by trying to forget
that I exist at all...
well THAT didnt work! I did however succeed in wiping out my short term memory quite definitively. Which is both a blessing :) and a curse :) :) ... Im the bane of my own existence.. in addition to being the bane of quite a few others...
I guess what it all boils down to is how far can you stand yourself... at the terminal end, you face only yourself... and God.. and well.. one of the two is going to be mighty surprised to see you...
We wake up every morning and head to our "daily lives". These lives incorporate so much within them... i must work.. i must study.. i must succeed.. i must have fun.. i must have friends.. i must love my family.. i must shower, brush, eat, sleep... i must listen to music.. i must watch tv.. i must read.. i must write.. i must talk... i must walk.. i must be neat.. i must be clean.. i must be loved.... i must love.. i must travel *counting the transit times to and from work... i must.. i must.. i must... must sleep.. must balance accounts... must pay credit card bills... must ... dear lorrrddd... whyyyyy...
At one point i was busy expounding the philosophy that theres no such thing as "Must"... this further supports my everyone is a selfish self serving bugger philosophy... (memo to me: CONTROL!)
*** Train.. Drops of Jupiter - Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me ****
Some i can ... some i cant... Some i hope to.. God willing.
I dont plan on living too long. I figure i have a bunch of good years under my belt and RIGHT NOW would be a good time to bail on this rigmarole our lord blessed us with... He seems to have other plans.. plans which he's not planning to share anytime soon.. which is a bit irritating cause it throws a proverbial wrench in my annual planning cycle..
I happen to be a HIGHLY risk averse human being... unless it involves my personal well being ... or ... food. In these two cases i can be braver than the bravest and would willingly go where no man, woman, child, homosapien or living entity had even thought to tread. In wordly respects.. what i cant control, which is pretty much everything, i happen to harbor a healthy aversive fear to. So there you have it.. Im a chronically risk averse person with respect to stocks, money, & funny ass relationships.
Otherwise im fearless. I travel to new lands with nothing but a bus ticket. I navigate with a map.. and just ask every local for directions.. i dont know how this certifies to my unwavering bravery... but i figure there are a bunch of ppl who dont usually go off alone to strange countries with nothing but a bus ticket :) so yeah.. i think im brave..
Anyway.. random thoughts on a random day.. Love you allll... NOT!!.. hehehe
Cheerios
Princess of the GemWorld
*************************************************
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Dear diary
oops... i meant blog... no i think i meant ppl reading blog... im confused... i dont know what i meant any more... sigh...
i lost my honesty in the name of confusion. confusion was/is simpler... it allows you to stare wide eyed at the world around you and deal with the most dire to the most innocuous of situations with a supremely ignorant "Say whaaaat.." and get away clean..
No one... and i mean NO ONE wants to mess with a confused confusion creator... its commonly believed to be a highly contagious condition..
ive started forgetting words.. phrases.. thought flit in and out of my head like it was a sieve... none remain for very long... how old was i again...
the only thing keeping my memory in check is this little black book we got from these gentleman giving us Time Management Training.. I'd like to think that we all benefited from it somewhat but i have serious doubts. Undoubtedly that would be a bad thing...
anyhow... im hungry.. im usually hungry so thats a moot point... fact remains im hungry and i know whats for lunch... soup, chinese, kababs... theres something to look forward too..
My first thought for 2004 : "Life moves pretty fast... If you dont stop and take a look around... you could miss it... " Ferris Buellers Day off..
I have yet to hear truer words..
signing off...
Princess of the GemWorld
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
oops... i meant blog... no i think i meant ppl reading blog... im confused... i dont know what i meant any more... sigh...
i lost my honesty in the name of confusion. confusion was/is simpler... it allows you to stare wide eyed at the world around you and deal with the most dire to the most innocuous of situations with a supremely ignorant "Say whaaaat.." and get away clean..
No one... and i mean NO ONE wants to mess with a confused confusion creator... its commonly believed to be a highly contagious condition..
ive started forgetting words.. phrases.. thought flit in and out of my head like it was a sieve... none remain for very long... how old was i again...
the only thing keeping my memory in check is this little black book we got from these gentleman giving us Time Management Training.. I'd like to think that we all benefited from it somewhat but i have serious doubts. Undoubtedly that would be a bad thing...
anyhow... im hungry.. im usually hungry so thats a moot point... fact remains im hungry and i know whats for lunch... soup, chinese, kababs... theres something to look forward too..
My first thought for 2004 : "Life moves pretty fast... If you dont stop and take a look around... you could miss it... " Ferris Buellers Day off..
I have yet to hear truer words..
signing off...
Princess of the GemWorld
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
I dare to dream... so sue me.. :p
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
www.geocities.com/fariha_shah/GemWorld.html
Copyright © Fariha Shah 2004
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