Its winter wonderland time

Today is another 12 Rabi ul awal. Tomorrow 3pm is 10yrs to the lunar calendar day that abu passed  away. Somehow the gregorian calendar takes precedence. I honor the lunar day, but mourn the solar day of 11th April 2006 far more. I gratefully have not lost a single memory of him to the passage of time... in part thanks to GemWorld.

After being lost at sea, and too ravaged by the waves to even acknowlwdge it.. I landed on an island... like an oasis in the vast wasteland of listless oceanic wonder... its neat... its got some new things to discover... its warm and welcoming and i suddenly remembered what it felt like to laugh and really mean it.    
I met me again :) the me from long ago... the one i used to like :) me was neat too. Me was all about me. I think thats what i liked about her. She had understood the truth of happiness beginning from within and she worked hard at the objective. Once the inner sanctum is overflowing with self generated euphoria, then and only then can u turn the focus outward.

Happy lies within not without.

There are little wisps of joy floating about the island too... they are like remnants of memories past and present... delicious moments of contained joy burst upon me every now and then brought upon by one wisp or the other... the joy emanates from a celebration of the self, derived from the expressions of the soul... my soul has found a voice again after being in silence for some time... the dam has burst and the deluge is unstoppable 😊 i harbour a certain sense of pity for the joyous wisps... poor little beings subjected to the full force of my reawakening. I wonder how resiliant they will be in the face of this torrential flood till the tide ebbs.

I will try to be kind.

Being kind is not a natural instinct. Being helpful is. But kindness and thoughtfulness are higher emotions. They carry greater baggage and responsibility. They intone a certain strength of character like what abu exhibited every single day of his life... they are reason everyone who knew him and was helped by him still remembers him with such regard. We reap the kindness of the Almighty due to the kindness paid out by our fathers in this world. I am continuously surprised and thankful each time i experience kindness from the harsh world... and i know exactly why its being sent my way. I miss him. I love him. Forever.

I made a play list on youtube a week ago. I called it farsmusinglist 😊 i'm going to put every song i ever liked enough to sing to myself on it so when i get old i still remember them. Sometimes i want to share me with the world at large. But then i hold myself back... for the fear that instead of being able to appreciate my weirdness, i will in all probability be ridiculed for it. And rightfully so. I am a contradiction in terms. A living breathing oxymoron. An extremist that knows no middle ground... and i didnt know anyone who could swallow all of that and still be smiling 😊 i still carry hope for a miracle lol... there just may be weirder people than me in the world... hey! Anything's possible!

Hope springs eternal in the human breast.   The PIA plane is just beginning its descent towards khi. I can see the city of lights glimmering below... a vast heaving beast of human joys and sorrows.

A small smile starts curving across my lips 😊 what can i say?! It's good to be home.
Rabbi anzilni munzalam mubarakan wa anta khairul munzileen....